9. The Pickle-Stretcher Salad
"Oh, the hilarity of the Pickle Stretcher Salad
recipe in 1969's Salads Cookbook
! Over 500 salad recipes, and not a one contains fresh vegetables!" writes Robin Wheeler about this recipe. "The Pickle Stretcher Salad gave me the most visceral reaction I have ever had to a food-like item. I love olives, dill pickles and just about anything limey, but combining the three left me with a shiver that wouldn't stop traveling my spine. One bite, and I'm sure I will never, ever forget the texture of slime and crunchy, the taste of ammonia and acid." Read more about stretching your pickle here.
8. Gooey Buns: Not What You'd Think.
"Gooey Buns sound like a yummy breakfast pastry. They're not. Grind bologna, American cheese, mustard, mayo and relish into a paste. Spread inside buttered hot dog buns, wrap in foil, and place in the oven until the buns are stale." Read more about this awful recipe here.
7. "Dad's Denvers"
Take a French roll and spread with deviled ham
If you have a really good relationship with your dad, substitute canned cat food, which is made with higher-quality meat than Satan's pork-meat product. Cook a green onion omelet in bacon fat and place atop the Devil Chow. Top with tomato and broil. Do not
serve to dads with heart conditions. Read more about this recipe here.
6. "Circle Pups"
This mustard-covered dish is included in the 1963 edition of Better Homes and Gardens Meals in Minutes
, the same bastard that gave us Friday Franks
. This time it's Circle Pups, which sounds like something dirty that might happen at a fraternity initiation. Read more about this mustard abomination here.
5. "Crown Roast"
This crown roast tells your family, "I had ten minutes and five dollars to waste on you people. Eat up." It tastes like...hell, does it even matter? It's Treet covered with orange marmalade and baked. It tastes exactly like you think it would taste." Read more about this royal recipe here.
4. "Busy Lady Beefcake"
There were lots of busy ladies in 1966, entering recipes in the 17th annual Pillsbury Busy Lady Bake-Off
in hopes of winning the $25,000 grand prize. Read more about this recipe here.
3. Prune Whip
At first glance Prune Whip looks downright dangerous. With its raw whipped egg white folded into cooked prune puree, a kid could die from the combination of salmonella and nature's laxative. Read more about this recipe here.
2. Asparagus-Macaroni Loaf
Meat and bread aren't the only foods suitable for the loaf treatment. In 1968's Favorite Recipes of America - Vegetables
, I counted four rings, eight loaves and a mold in its 370 pages. Since it's spring, I opted for the Asparagus-Macaroni Loaf. Read more about this recipe here.
1. "Stellar Sauce"
You know the top spot had to go to a sauce of some sort, especially a sauce with such a promising description as "stellar." The secret to this sauce? Cream of celery soup with melted Gruyère. Read more about this recipe here.