Girl Scout Cookies Make Us Want to Puke -- Episode 1: Peanut Butter Patties (a.k.a. Tagalongs)

Categories: Fun Facts

peanut_butter_patties.jpg
Why are these girls so cheerful? Must be the partially hydrogenated palm kernel, and/or cottonseed oils.
Gut Check is sick and tired of people gushing about their love of Girl Scout Cookies.

We're no hectoring health-food nutjob. We eat (and drink) our share of crap that's no good for us. But by God, these Girl Scout Cookies, which you're practically held at gunpoint and forced to buy (in multiple quantities, from multiple Girl Scouts, no less) -- they're dreadful!

Today's featured Girl Scout Cookie: Peanut Butter Patties. They used to be called Tagalongs, and still are in some areas. Same shit, different bakery.

Update! Now showing at a food blog near you...Episode 2: Caramel deLites, a.k.a. Samoas


Ready? Here comes a screenshot of the label:

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girlscoutcookies.org
You know how ingredients lists work, right? They go in descending order, meaning the first ingredient on the list is the most prevalent in whatever it is you're eating.

So here we have a food that's made up mostly of...sugar. Then comes flour -- enriched flour, which is meant to make it sound good for you but it's not good for you; it's just shot full of stuff other than flour. Peanuts. (Fine. Gut Check has no beef with peanuts. Nice to see them, though eating one of these cookies it's hard to imagine a peanut came within a mile of it.) Vegetable shortening. You know, Crisco. You call it shortening. Gut Check calls it fat. If we're going to eat fat, we'd rather eat it in any form besides Crisco. Maybe that's just us. Maybe you like to eat Crisco.

By now we're down to the part where it says "contains less than 2% of." Hardly worth mentioning, aside from observing that 1) none of it looks very appetizing and 2) these cookies, which the Girl Scouts describe as "round cookies with a layer of peanut butter on top, and covered in chocolate," have barely anything in them that qualifies as chocolate.

That they offer absolutely nothing, nutritionally speaking, well, hell, that's pretty much par for the course with a lot of crap we eat. A nation of fast-food fatties and all that.

But these are Girl Scout Cookies, for the love of Pete! They're marketed to cute little kids to sell to other cute little kids!

And note the "Serving Size 2 cookies" -- yeah, right. You think a kid's gonna eat two of these and call it a day? Ha!

It's wicked, wicked is what it is. Makes us want to puke.

If you haven't already, see Episode 2: Caramel deLites (a.k.a. Samoas)

Note: If you'd like to suggest which Girl Scout Cookie Gut Check vomits up next, by all means use the comments thread. We're here to hurl.



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19 comments
Budfuller
Budfuller

The cookies accually taste different this year. Something different about the cookie part. It sucks

Dpm41961
Dpm41961

Hey, I realize it's for a good cause so I bought some boxes, knowing that the ingredients were probably going down hill but what the hey. But they are TERRIBLE! I didn't expect them to be good for me but these Tagalongs taste HORRIBLE! Seriously, I wanna puke. I still would've bougt 'em to help out but I should of gave them to the first person I saw or thrown 'em in the nearest dumpster.

Next year I just might see if I can make a cash donation.

The Happy Mother
The Happy Mother

I wonder what the label was like with the old baker. At any rate, these "Peanut Butter Patties" are not nearly as tasty as the Tagalongs were.

nafisah
nafisah

Not an expert but a parent of a Girl Scout and i find this article amusing. Just to point out the economy has changed a lot since I was a kid and a Girl scout but the price of the cookies haven't changed much. To make it profitable for the girls ( each troop keeps a portion of the proceeds to fund uniforms or camp-out etc) The company that makes the cookies (ABC) has cut back yes it is all sugar and nothing nutritious but they are still sinfully delicious. The whole purpose of getting the nation on sugar high 1/4 of the year is the help the Girls!

Erin
Erin

This just in: cookies, they're bad for you. Why the big expose? Were you previously unfamiliar with cookies and their general ingredients? Did the gun-toting Girl Scouts possibly tell you you were buying chocolate-coated carrots?

URFat
URFat

Everything in moderation... the problem isn't nutritionally void food, the problem is people can't control themselves. Take the responsibility for putting it in your own mouth and in turn making yourself fat.

kenneth
kenneth

haha these cookies are terrible for you, as is most everything out there. watch all the opinionated kooks come out of the woodwork for getting them all worked up over the nutritional information of a cookie associated with fundraising for the girl scouts.

hey girl scout obsessive types who will have hate and anger driving through your veins after reading this blog entry. THE COOKIES AREN'T GOOD FOR YOU! IT'S A FACT. i don't think the RFT intention is to slam the Girl Scouts of America. good for nothin nutbags!

Baristaberry
Baristaberry

But SUGAR is what makes everything DELICIOUS.

Eric
Eric

Huh, St. Louis is getting the "Peanut Butter Patties" version of these now? That means that we're getting the versions of Girl Scout Cookies made by a subsidiary of Nabisco now. It also means that the virtually identical fake Nabisco versions of Tagalogs (can't remember what they're called) and Thin Mints (Grasshoppers) are even more identical.

Don't ask me, The Internet told me one time. I like how 2 cookies is a fourth of your daily value in saturated fat.

Kxjeff10
Kxjeff10

I luv it "practically held at gunpoint and forced to buy (in multiple quantities, from multiple Girl Scouts, no less)".

Your Pathetic! How bout this, Don't buy any!

Eric
Eric

I just bought and tried a box of these, and in my expert opinion, it tastes exactly the same as the Keebler kind, except now there's more cookie and less peanut butter, and there's kind of a shortbread aftertaste to them that wasn't there before. *shrug*

Rjacobs398
Rjacobs398

I really tried not to enter this conversation, but here goes. Yes, cookies can be made, deliciously, with wholesome ingredients. Food Science makes them hold up longer than a week. My SERIOUS complaint: the ABC company, whether Nabisco, or Keebler, or whoever, have ruined these cookies. I am a fan of the Girl Scouts and their cookies. But every single "flavor" had none...no flavor!!! THEY ARE AWFUL! I gave all 12 boxes I bought away.

Guest
Guest

Except that they're bland as shit now and pretty gross!

Honestly, I'd rather just donate to a GS troop.

PeanutGirl
PeanutGirl

The point here is not that Girls Scouts sell cookies as a fundraiser - that's a brilliant idea; sugar and spice and all that.

What IS bad is that cookies can be made and manufactured very nicely with just butter, sugar, eggs and flour - REAL ingredients as opposed to cheap, processed crap.I never saw red #40 lake or high fructose corn syrup in my grandma's pantry.

Cap'n Crunch
Cap'n Crunch

Bacon makes everything delicious. Sugar just gives you cavities.

Eric
Eric

Not Nabisco, Keebler, on both counts

Tom_Finkel
Tom_Finkel

Let me take a guess, Kxjeff10: You don't have kids.

Eric
Eric

Wait, no, we're getting the non-Keebler versions now. Dammit, Wikipedia.

Kxjeff10
Kxjeff10

Actually, I have 2 girls in girl scouts. Normal people just say "no thank you" if they don't want any cookies. Luckily the writer of this article was practically held at gun point by Girl Scouts and not practically held at gun point by drug dealers or this article would be about how drugs are bad for you. LOL

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