Ten (Imaginary) Shows We'd Watch Instead of the Food Network's Latest Garbage
|Guy Fieri, starring in exactly none of our proposed Food Network shows|
Among these new shows is an unholy marriage of Guy Fieri and Rachael Ray entitled Guy vs. Rachael's Celebrity Smackdown, yet another dessert competition (Halloween Wars) and Tough Cookies, a reality show about a family-run bakery in -- yup -- New Jersey.
Sounds awful, no? In response, we here at Gut Check International Headquarters and Television Production Facility have drawn up a slate of ten Food Network-esque shows that, if they existed, we'd much rather watch instead.
|Chef-turned-freegan Pierre Brio calls this his "canvas."|
The Great Food Truck Biathlon: Eight food trucks race from Florida to California, trying to finish first and sell the most grub. Every 100 miles, the contestants stop for a target-shooting contest. (13 one-hour episodes)
Giada Eats a Stick of Butter: Each week, in a different scenic location in Italy, Giada De Laurentiis slowly unwraps and then consumes and an entire stick of butter. (39 30-minute episodes)
Just My Type II: A reality series following recently married couple George and Martha Stombergas as they open a bakery for their fellow diabetics. The tension of starting a new business is compounded when viewers learn that one half of the couple isn't following his or her restricted diet as closely as he or she should. (8 1-hour episodes)
V is for Victory...and Vegan: A game show in which vegans try to win a cash prize by sitting in a small room while waiters pile cooked meat and dairy products on a table in front of them without either a) eating something or b) throwing up. Paula Deen hosts. (26 30-minute episodes)