Ten Reasons Why We're Drinking Dirt Cheap's Sweet Cheeks Wine

Robin Wheeler

Dirt Cheap Sweet Cheeks -- why are we drinking this?

​When Gut Check has out-of-town guests, they never fail to be amazed by one of St. Louis' most iconic food and beverage locations.

That's right -- they all dig Dirt Cheap. We hang with some really classy types! Some of them were in town last weekend. And while our guests' pilgrimage to the Affton Dirt Cheap (8455 Gravois Rd., 314-351-7714) didn't yield the traditional St. Louis souvenir, a sixer of Dirt Cheap-brand beer, our people came back with something new: Dirt Cheap Sweet Cheeks sweet red wine.

No, we didn't drink it. Just holding the bottle gave us a contact hangover. We sent it (and some frozen daiquiris-in-a-bag) packing with our guests, but not before inspecting the label.

It might be one of the most interesting wine labels we've seen in a while.

Robin Wheeler

​Sweet Cheeks is a Missouri wine, produced by Cedar Ridge Winery in Augusta.

No, we haven't heard of it, either. Some Googling turns up a Cedar Ridge Winery/Vineyard in both Iowa and Washington State, but nothing in Augusta.

But we have to commend Dirt Cheap for adding what needs to be a part of every bargain wine label: a place to note why you're drinking this wine. Finally! No more waking up and saying, "Why the hell did I drink that?"

Why would we drink Sweet Cheeks wine anyway?

1. We're easing into the hobo lifestyle and this is the perfect stepping stone between Three Buck Chuck and Thunderbird.
2. Our outfits match the chicken's and we took it as a sign.
3. We ran out of fermented Capri Sun packets.
4. We love that chickeny taste.
5. We hate life, self.
6. We're punishing our livers. What has that bastard done for you, anyway?
7. We don't want to remember anything about this night or who we were with.
8. It tastes great in smoothies
9. It was a wedding gift.
10. We're reliving memories of St. Louis, and the brick of Provel already turned green.