Think About What You're About to Eat From Big Lots

Think. Think about what you're about to eat from Big Lots.

​Times are tough. No doubt about that. The economic free fall explains why there's a new discount or closeout store every single half-block.

While it might be tempting to purchase reduced-price food along with off-brand electronics, Delta Burke-brand lingerie, plastic garden gnomes, toy tie-ins from last year's movies and Conway Twitty CDs, it behooves you to think. Think. Think think think about what you're shopping for.

Do you really want to ingest food purchased from a corporation that has done so much to make a great Aretha Franklin song nearly unbearable?

Honestly, there's probably absolutely nothing wrong with these goods we found at a local Big Lots during one shopping trip. While we're worrying about deeply discounted foodstuffs, people get sick every day from fresh, healthy foods like spinach and cantaloupe.

But panicking is so much fun.

Canned Ham

Robin Wheeler

Canned hams, awaiting your great-great-great Aunt Helen.

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There are three living people in the U.S. who still eat canned ham. They also comprise the top three oldest living Americans.

Giant Plastic Guitar Filled With Cheese Corn with a Photo of Old, Fat Elvis

Robin Wheeler

Hunka hunka burning plastic popcorn guitar.

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This is the stuff that caused the King's lethal bowel movement.

Old Teriyaki

Robin Wheeler

For teriyaki emergencies only.

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For those times when you need some bagged ginger teriyaki sauce right this second.

Larry the Cable Guy Beef Dinner

Robin Wheeler

Git R Done Helper

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When you gotta git r done fast. It's Hamburger Helper for road kill.