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Write a Starbucks "Blonde" Joke, Win Gift Certificates! [Updated with Winner!]

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Screenshot: www.starbucks.com
​Oh, Starbucks, sometimes you make it too easy.

The java behemoth has introduced a new series of light-roast coffee blends called Blonde. Not really that interesting, unless you're one of the seven people left in America who hasn't formed an opinion about Starbucks coffee.

Except! From the main Starbucks gossip website -- yes, such a thing exists -- (via Gawker) comes reports of Starbucks managers forbidding employees, on the threat of written sanctions, from making Blonde jokes in front of customers.

A Blonde joke? Like: What do you call a Blonde roast standing on its head?

A dark roast!

Can you top that? Leave your best Blonde joke in the comments over the three-day weekend. Gut Check will judge the entries on Tuesday morning, and the winner will receive gift certificates to La Tejana Taqueria and Taqueria Durango.

Rules: To be eligible, you must leave a valid e-mail address (or Twitter handle or Facebook profile URL) in the comment-entry field. One guess per e-mail address. Employees of the restaurant in question and Riverfront Times are not eligible.

WINNER: After furious debate here at Gut Check International Headquarters, the winner is...Fendi Hotdogbun. We'll be in touch. An honorable mention to Bunny, whose joke didn't have anything to do with coffee, but made us laugh. Thanks to everyone who played!


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8 comments
Fendi Hotdogbun
Fendi Hotdogbun

Q: Have you heard about the new blonde roast?A: Yeah, it's easy to pick up, goes down quickly, and hopefully you'll never see it again.

Mark Bland
Mark Bland

A blonde grabs a thermos and runs to Starbucks...She runs in, holds it up and a counter guy runs over to take the order."Is this big enough to hold six cups of blonde coffee?" she asked.The counter worker looks at it, pauses a few seconds, then replies, "Yep. It looks like it can handle about six cups to me.""GREAT!" the blonde says. "Then give me two blonde regulars, two black, and two decaf."

Bunny Thunder Nguyen
Bunny Thunder Nguyen

I don't know if the joke has to be coffee-related but here's my favorite blonde joke.

A teacher tells her fourth grade class that the word of the day is "contagious." She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence and some students raise their hands. One student, Joe, says, "My dad told me to cover my mouth when I cough cuz it's contagious."

"Good," says the teacher. Then she picks Susy, who says, "Chickenpox is contagious." 

"Excellent!" says the teacher. Finally she picks Johnny, who's sitting in the back.

Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad were sitting outside and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny model car paintbrush and she was going in tiny strokes up and down the fence, so my dad says to me, 'Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'"

Crickets chirp
Crickets chirp

The only thing dumber than blonde coffee is a person that gets coffee from Starbucks.  Go Kaldi's!!

Blhowie23
Blhowie23

@BLHowie "Starbucks has their new 'blonde coffee' now. It has a dumb aroma with hints of gullibility". ;-)

Seth Teel
Seth Teel

What did the blonde say to her boss about being tardy to work? "Sorry I'm latte, I had to get a late."

handsolo
handsolo

Not coffee related but I almost peed my pants laughing!!

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