Best and Worst Easter Candy Countdown: Jordan Almonds, Worst

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As Easter Sunday creeps closer, Gut Check dreams of baskets piled high with pastel-colored candies, chocolate shaped like baby animals and, oh sweet Jesus, Cadbury eggs. We remember well the ritual of sorting the bounty bestowed by the big, weird Easter Bunny: Would it be good stuff...or crap?

Want to avoid the inevitable disappointment of unsatisfying, subpar Easter candy? Check out our take on the 5 Best and Worst Easter Treats, which we'll trot out each day as the holiday approaches...

Worst Easter Candy Countdown, No. 3: Jordan Almonds

Jordan almonds are Easter's version of those horrible saltwater taffies you get at Halloween -- and no, we don't mean in taste, we mean in that they are a terrible holiday tradition. Jordan almonds are sprinkled atop Easter baskets, springtime table settings, bunny-shaped cakes and whatever else Martha Stewart and Pinterest moms can get their hands on.

The rock-solid density of these cursed chalk-flavored candies will crack a tooth on the first bite, and don't even try to argue that they're a healthier alternative to caramel-filled chocolate or saccharine-speckled marshmallow air: Jordan almonds are just sugar-coated nuts, people.

The reason for their perennial popularity might be more offensive than the taste; despite being a year-round "classic candy" available at Walgreens, Target and the like, the only reason these candies keep hopping back into the Easter holiday is that they're pastel-colored. If you take away the pale springy coloring, the only thing jordan almonds have in common with Easter is a striking similarity to the boulder that sealed Jesus' tomb.


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5 comments
Joey
Joey

I can't see how you would have Jordan almonds as one of the worst.  If you only mean for Easter, fine, I guess I can give that a pass.   But in general?  Jordan almonds are some of the best candy you can get.  I wouldn't mind getting them in my Easter basket, that's for sure, especially when I was a kid, when the only time I got them was at weddings or baptisms, etc.  Gotta love growing up Italian.  :) 

Ciara
Ciara

The Medici almonds from Williams Sonoma are DIVINE.  They are expensive, but I treat myself at least once per year for these delicate treats.  They are very different from the drug store variety Jordan almonds, which I will agree are horrible.

Joey
Joey

 Horrible? I'm sorry to say, Ciara, you probably got a bad batch.  I get Jordan almonds from the drug store, and they're very tasty, and taste just as good as the "good" brands that my family got when I was growing up.  Maybe it was the batch, or the brand, but I've never had any issue with them from a regular store.

Mike N.
Mike N.

Good call; Jordan almonds are particularly insulting since you can get almond M&Ms in pastel Easter colors [at least I think you can].

Chrissy Wilmes
Chrissy Wilmes

Oh, you can. We may or may not have devoured an entire bag at Gut Check International Headquarters yesterday. 

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