Red Bull Total Zero: Different Can, Same Cancer

Categories: This Just In, WTF?

totalzero.jpg
image via
Red Bull Total Zero cans resemble toxic-waste containers.
Not everyone at Gut Check is a fan of energy drinks, but for those of us who have made peace with destroying our livers, they remain a shameless addiction. We know they can't be good for us, but neither is a diet rich in cheese and sugar, so it doesn't totally assault our food-based worldview. While we've become comfortable with the usual taurine-laced suspects (original and sugar-free Red Bull, Monster, Amp, etc.) we were filled with equal parts horror and glee to see a new member of the Red Bull family sitting pretty in the refrigerator of our local Circle K: Total Zero Red Bull, an imposing, if not ominous, gray and silver can -- likely to represent the color of your liver after consumption.

Though Total Zero is new to Gut Check, a bit of research revealed that Red Bull North America released the product in select markets in the U.S. on April 2. The product is marketed as "zero calories, zero carbs and zero sugar," which in theory separates it from sugar-free Red Bull in calories, but the twelve-ounce can of Total Zero that Gut Check purchased is listed as having ten calories. The best we can surmise is that Total Zero is the company's equivalent to Dr Pepper 10, in that it's essentially the same product with more "masculine" packaging -- seriously though, the tone-on-tone gray more closely resembles a bio-hazardous material canister than it does a drink can.

With a refined energy-drink palate honed in college and perfected to combat hangovers during our early twenties, Gut Check tried Total Zero and found it wanting. It had the same metallic taste that we've come to know, love and fear from sugar-free Red Bull, but a strong Sweet Tarts-flavor finish ruined it for us. Call us old fashioned, but for now, we'll be sticking with our familiar -- if not fatal -- sugar-free cancer juice.

My Voice Nation Help
6 comments
Christine Dunwoody
Christine Dunwoody

Actually, it has zero carbs, unlike the sugar free version which does have a carb content. It also has a slightly different flavor than original or sugar-free Red Bull. My boyfriend, an energy-drink aficionado tried it the first weekend it was available and immediately decided it was too feminine and tropical tasting. Which is a far cry from Dr. Pepper 10's "it's not for women" campaign.  

steve
steve

Cancer? You have studies to prove that this is a cancerous drink? Get a life stop hating just because you did not think of it.

Mike N.
Mike N.

Do they call it Total Zero because you'd have to be a Total Zero to buy one? :)

[Although in the interest of full disclosure, I have to say I've never actually had a Red Bull.  All I know is that it's always the douchiest guy at the bar ordering a 'Red Bull and vodka'.

Now Trending

From the Vault

 

Loading...