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21 Worst Halloween Candies Of All Time

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RFT photo
Gut Check isn't so old that we don't remember the hierarchy of Halloween candy: i.e., good stuff and crap. While neighbors who neglect to buy the best sweets suffer at the hands of t.p.-ing teenagers, Gut Check's house remains unscathed.

Stay on the good side of neighborhood ne'er do wells by avoiding these twenty-one Halloween candies, which are the worst of the worst to torture trick-or-treaters with -- especially in St. Louis, where our tell-a-joke-for-candy tradition raises the bar that much higher.

Candy Corn
Our feelings about candy corn are on par with Moose A. Moose, the animated, um, moose who entertains the tots between shows on Nick Jr.

Mr. Moose does not like candy corn, and neither does the family who created this most spectacular homage to candy hate with the help of Moose's Halloween song, "I Don't Like Candy Corn."

What's to hate? Candy corn is one step above wax fangs on the Halloween candy flavor chart. It's nothing but corn syrup mixed with three other kinds of sugar, some wax, food coloring and mineral oil.

You know that mineral oil is a laxative, right? Candy corn is shit-inducing sugar. Also, it's a big liar.

No, sir. We don't. Like. Candy corn.

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RFT photo
Bit-O-Honey
If we had our way, these would be renamed Bit-O-HORRIBLES to more accurately describe the taste and texture, as well as to warn eaters of the awful journey their mouth is about to embark on. Oh, and it's a journey all right. Before you pop one of those abhorrent pieces of taffy on to your tongue, you're jaw better be ready for the 20-minute chew-a-thon that will undoubtedly follow. Let's hope you haven't had any dental work done in the last ten years, because this candy's adhesive-like grip is bound to rip it out. Also, let's not forget that it takes a single day for these Bit-O-Yucks to become stale; I'm pretty sure these are the rocks Charlie Brown is talking about.

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9 comments
Diana Arvanites
Diana Arvanites

Circus peanuts are the worst candy ever made. Thank the Halloween elves that they are not individually wrapped. List looks about right even though I love NECCO wafers.

Gisela Johnson
Gisela Johnson

I like several things on this list. Most of them don't taste the same as when I was younger though.

Taylor Uebel
Taylor Uebel

I will gladly take everybody's Swedish Fish off their hands. Free of charge! :D

Adam Fry
Adam Fry

The author of this article is a fool.

Rhonda Whelan
Rhonda Whelan

Smarties?? I love Smarties and 3 Musketeer Bars. I also like Milk Duds however, I will agree with you on the teeth breaking aspect as I lost a crown the last time I ate one. :(

Jackie Midyett
Jackie Midyett

I actually like the bit-o-honey, smarties and werther's...but I think raisinettes and those non-chocolate tootsie rolls are the worst

Susie Nicholson
Susie Nicholson

There are several candies that I don't think belong on this list, but for the most part it's accurate. Candy corn in the absolute worst. I read once that here in L.A. candy corn is the number one clogger of drain pipes at Halloween time.

John
John

I like coconut, but they ruin it in Mounds/Almond Joy bars by turning it into this weird sugary goo.  It ranks up there with those weird fruity gooballs that tag along with the good chocolates and caramels in boxes of assorted chocolates.

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