No Reservations: Gut Check's Valentine's Day Fast-Food Experiment

Arby's
Arby's: Thanks for calling Arby's, how may I help you?

Riverfront Times: Hello. I'm calling on behalf of my employer. He was interested in making a reservation for Valentine's Day, around 7:30.

OK. You mean like to come into the lobby, or to make a catering order?

No, just to come in and eat.

Oh, well you're welcome to come on in. You don't have to make a reservation.

You don't? OK. Apparently it's where he took his girlfriend for their first date, so they wanted to go back there for Valentine's Day.

Awwwwww!

Do you have any Valentine's Day specials?

Not to my knowledge at this moment, but if we do have anything, you can always call back up and ask. They usually announce that sort of thing on the television. Or, you know, online.

Are you anticipating a large crowd for Valentine's Day?

I would imagine not.

So you don't think he'll have trouble getting a good seat? Like by a fireplace?

There's no fireplace.

There's not?

You're calling Arby's....

Yes. No, I know. I've never been to an Arby's. I'm sorry.

Oh, no, you're fine.

Do you have any relatively private tables or booths?

Hmm. The most private tables or booths that I can really think of are like back seats. Less by the windows and more towards the back. Or we have rather large tables, but I don't think that would be good for a couple. However, when I would go on a date, I would always go to the table that we first had our little date at.

Oh, that's a good idea! I'll tell him that.

Yeah, that's what I used to do.

What kind of music will you have for the evening?

We mostly play -- let's see -- right now we're just kind of playing some stuff that you'd hear, like, on the radio. Like new hits.

So it's not live? It's on the radio?

No, it's not live. It's on the radio.

Now, he's actually wanting to propose to her. So if he wanted to hide an engagement ring in something, like a Loaded Potato Bite, could he do that?

We don't have that anymore, but I would suggest hiding it in a molten lava cake.

You guys would be able to do that if he brought it to you?

Yes, if he came a little bit early, or the day before. Well, probably not the day before. But if he came in a little early and was like, "Hey, you know, I'm proposing to my girl, and I want to hide this in a lava cake," we could probably do that. I don't know because of fast-food standards, but that's something -- I'll leave a note for my boss.

If he wanted to bring in some candles for the table to make it more romantic, could he do that?

Um, that's also something I'd have to ask my boss.

Do you think it's a fire hazard with the tablecloths?

There's no tablecloths, but still, the candles would probably be a fire hazard, just in general. But I'll ask. Maybe he'll think it's sweet, and he'll see if he can bend the rules.

Do you have any sort of wine selection for the holiday?

Um, no, 'cause we're a fast-food restaurant, again. So we don't really carry alcoholic beverages.

Oh, I didn't realize....

I'm just making sure you have the right restaurant, you know.

Of course.

Let me just write down the little lava-cake-ring thing....

That's a lovely idea!

I thought that would be really cute. Also, you have a lovely accent.

Oh, thank you!

Next...Taco Bell didn't just hang up on us -- did they?!

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