10 Reasons Why Your Waiter is Judging You

Illustration by Kevin Cannon

4. You're a gluten-free, dairy-free vegetarian who doesn't eat soy and is allergic to nuts.

You're welcome to enjoy an undressed salad with oil and vinegar or perhaps some grilled vegetables that our chef will prepare just for you. Not good enough? They make special gluten-free, non-soy, vegan places for your kind, and you're not at one of them. So don't expect a chef to accommodate your outrageous diet, and don't expect us not to give you the stink-eye when we have to explain your dietary restrictions to the kitchen.

Illustration by Kevin Cannon

3. You're sucking face at the table.

Everyone knows dinner is, in many cases, just expensive foreplay, but please, don't be literal about it. Your waiter is happy to do her part to make your evening lovely, but keep your fondling to footsies, max -- not a single person in the restaurant wants to see more.

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