Breastaurant? How About a Sausage Fest for the Ladies?

Categories: WTF?

       Australia knows what's up. | Rich Juzwiak

The ladies of Gut Check are a bit miffed about this whole "breastaurant" thing. Readers may suspect it's because we are offended by the subjugation of women by the corporate man, or that our scantily clad sisters somehow insult our feminine mystique. Not so! While our feminist pride roars as loud as anyone's, our problem is that the guys seem to be having all of the fun. After all, where can a lady go for some mediocre food and great scenery? While the men have an ever-increasing array of choices, we women are forced into over-the-top clubs on the east side for a little eye candy. This seems odd, as we are certainly the subtler of the sexes.

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In this spirit, we are hereby demanding a little equality. There has to be someone with an entrepreneurial spirit who will recognize the untapped potential of a new genre of establishment we are calling a "petery." Heck, we've even begun brainstorming some concepts. There's no charge for the idea -- just make sure we can always get a table.

       Why is the rum gone? | Kate Haskell

Schlong John Silver's

Patrons of this pirate-themed "petery" will be treated to fried seafood platters and frozen daiquiris, served up by a staff of strapping buccaneers. Only applicants who have a minimum of a 70 percent likeness to Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom will be brought on staff, and all waiters are required to use the pun "booty" a minimum of six times at each table.

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Back when Hooters was first becoming big, somebody started a place called "Peckers" (which is a good chicken wing reference,) but it didn't catch on.


Here fucking here! Where's my Schlong John Silvers? I think my favorite would be International House of Beefcakes, where I can get my pancakes and sausage all in one place.

I've always said that places where women can go to enjoy the male body are far and few. It's a disgrace really. You have no idea how irritated I was when I found out there were no male strip clubs in Tampa FL, the movie Magic Mike was set there. 0, zip, zilch. Fuck to the what? I was doubly pissed after I watched that piece of shit movie and saw 0 cock. 

So enjoy your coffee with tits, your doughnuts with double D's and your wings with hooters. But somebody please give me eggs with man chest and shorts so tight you can see an outline.


Well the reason why there are no restaurants like this is because men buy dinner while women  usually just know how to pick a place and order the most expensive thing.

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