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Gut Check isn't so old that we don't remember the hierarchy of Halloween candy: i.e., good stuff and crap. While neighbors who neglect to buy the best sweets suffer at the hands of t.p.-ing teenagers, Gut Check's house remains unscathed.

Stay on the good side of neighborhood ne'er do wells by doling out any combination of these twenty-one Halloween candies, which are pretty much the only reason kids look forward to trick-or-treating. Yeah, we're pretty certain no kid ever anticipated Halloween night because they couldn't wait for a sack full of candy corn, peanut butter kisses or raisins. But that's just our opinion.

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Gut Check isn't so old that we don't remember the hierarchy of Halloween candy: i.e., good stuff and crap. While neighbors who neglect to buy the best sweets suffer at the hands of t.p.-ing teenagers, Gut Check's house remains unscathed.

Stay on the good side of neighborhood ne'er do wells by avoiding these twenty-one Halloween candies, which are the worst of the worst to torture trick-or-treaters with -- especially in St. Louis, where our tell-a-joke-for-candy tradition raises the bar that much higher.

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The Jack-O-Lantern pizza: It's very real.

We're not exactly ready for our close-up on Extreme Couponing, but Gut Check does love us a good deal on food. And though Halloween isn't the most food-based holiday, it isn't the least, either. After much research and investigative reporting, we've compiled a list of the best restaurant and food deals doled out in the name of All Hallows' Eve.

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Sriracha is spicy, sure. But sexy? Meh.

Last year Gut Check descended upon Spirit Halloween (301 Costco Way, St. Peters; 636-279-1054) in search of eight tasty food costumes because, duh, we love food. This year, while scouring our in-store and online options, we noticed an unsettling trend: Sexy food costumes are beginning to outnumber our beloved unflattering, unisex food costumes. Sexy banana, sexy tater tot, sexy sriracha bottle, sexy Chinese-takeout box -- these and many more threaten Gut Check's ability to stomach food-themed Halloween costumes. In the interest of vision, we've rounded up fifteen egregious get-ups that should never see the light of day -- or dark of Halloween night.

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Halloween crime blotter, '11.

Now that we've had time to recover from Halloween's massive sugar crash, it's time to assess the damage. How many kids received drugged candy this year? Apples with razor blades?

Oh, wait. That almost never happens. Although Bill Maher has some good ideas on the subject.

Despite decades of urban legends and comedic suggestions that trick or treating for LSD might work better than pumping kids full of prescription drugs, it turns out that we shouldn't have worried about adults harming kids via Halloween candy. We need to beware of the candy-crazed costumed lunatics.

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Yesterday Gut Check told you that IHOP restaurants will be giving away free Scary Face Pancakes for dinner tonight. Since the pancake is on the menu throughout October, last night Gut Check Jr. gave it a try.

Scary doesn't even begin to describe it.

Robin Wheeler

IHOP's Scary Face Pancake.

Happy Carboween, Kiddies! That's a plate-sized buttermilk pancake, decorated with whipped cream, mini Oreo eyes, candy corn teeth, and a Maraschino cherry nose.

"Mmm! Hot cherry!" Junior declared, plucking the "fruit" from the face before the server had fully set her plate on the table. Although "hot cherry" is a term a parent never, ever wants to hear her daughter utter, at least she's eating her "fruit" first. And that's important. The IHOP kids menu says so:

Robin Wheeler

Helpful nutrition information on the IHOP kids menu.

In reality, the Scary Face Pancake is 72% refined flour, 15% CANDY!!!!!!!, 12% aerosol petro-dairy, and 1% "fruit".

Junior believed it to be THE MOST AWESOMEST DINNER EVER!!!!!

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It wasn't all that long ago that Gut Check was donning our finest Disney princess Star Wars character drag outfit and joining the swarms of greedy American children on the hallowed Halloween quest for candy. So we remember well the post-trick-or-treat ritual of sorting the bounty into two piles, i.e., Good Stuff and Crap.

Then we'd head back out and t.p. all the houses where we'd been handed lame candy. We considered the act to be a hint to the clueless to maybe bust out the Snickers next year instead of those execrable homemade popcorn balls. A community service, if you will.

Now we're on the other side of the door, trick-or-treatily speaking, and we're also working from a position of strength when it comes to stamping out Halloween-candy imbecility.

Want to avoid having your happy home t.p.'ed this year? Check back each weekday between now and the Big Day as we count down the 21 Best Halloween Treats and the 21 Worst Halloween Treats...

Worst Halloween Candy Countdown, No. 2: Bit-O-Honey

If we had our way, these would be renamed Bit-O-HORRIBLES to more accurately describe the taste and texture, as well as to warn eaters of the awful journey their mouth is about to embark on. Oh, and it's a journey all right. Before you pop one of those abhorrent pieces of taffy on to your tongue, you're jaw better be ready for the 20-minute chew-a-thon that will undoubtedly follow. Let's hope you haven't had any dental work done in the last ten years, because this candy's adhesive-like grip is bound to rip it out. Also, let's not forget that it takes a single day for these Bit-O-Yucks to become stale; I'm pretty sure these are the rocks Charlie Brown is talking about.

Click through to reveal No. 2 on the Best Halloween Candy list...

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Photos by Julia Gabbert

Every year, we wait until the last minute to pick out our Halloween costume, and this year was no exception. We refuse to go the all-too-easy "slutty" route (we have class!), and we're bored with Jokers and Jesuses. So we decided to go with what we know: food.

Spirit Halloween (301 Costco Way, St. Peters; 636-279-1054) humored us and our indecision, allowing Gut Check to take over the store and play edible dress-up for a few hours.

Photographic evidence of our foodie fashion suggestions after the jump.

1. Banana

You can often find a random banana amongst the crowd at a sporting event or concert. It's the attention seeker's go-to ensemble. So why not wear one for Halloween?

Putting on this costume almost guarantees someone (OK, probably you) will dance around and sing "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" and/or "I'm a Banana! I'm a Banana!"

The banana costume is one of the most classic and least expensive food costumes we found, ringing in at $29.99.

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RFT photo

It wasn't all that long ago that Gut Check was donning our finest Disney princess Star Wars character drag outfit and joining the swarms of greedy American children on the hallowed Halloween quest for candy. So we remember well the post-trick-or-treat ritual of sorting the bounty into two piles, i.e., Good Stuff and Crap.

Then we'd head back out and t.p. all the houses where we'd been handed lame candy. We considered the act to be a hint to the clueless to maybe bust out the Snickers next year instead of those execrable homemade popcorn balls. A community service, if you will.

Now we're on the other side of the door, trick-or-treatily speaking, and we're also working from a position of strength when it comes to stamping out Halloween-candy imbecility.

Want to avoid having your happy home t.p.'ed this year? Check back each weekday between now and the Big Day as we count down the 21 Best Halloween Treats and the 21 Worst Halloween Treats...

Worst Halloween Candy Countdown, No. 4: Lemonheads

Just knowing Lemonheads are conceived on the same factory equipment as Boston Baked Beans and Atomic Fireballs makes our taste buds cower in fear. Then there's that whole "lemon" thing. Of all the many wonderful fruits in existence, the makers of Lemonheads chose the one we associate most often with wood cleaner and seafood garnishment. Also, what's with that creepy football-shaped dude with a combover and bow tie on the packaging? It feels as though his grin gets wider and his eyes bigger with every chew as he watches our faces pucker in sour anguish.

Click through to reveal No. 4 on the Best Halloween Candy list...

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RFT photo

It wasn't all that long ago that Gut Check was donning our finest Disney princess Star Wars character drag outfit and joining the swarms of greedy American children on the hallowed Halloween quest for candy. So we remember well the post-trick-or-treat ritual of sorting the bounty into two piles, i.e., Good Stuff and Crap.

Then we'd head back out and t.p. all the houses where we'd been handed lame candy. We considered the act to be a hint to the clueless to maybe bust out the Snickers next year instead of those execrable homemade popcorn balls. A community service, if you will.

Now we're on the other side of the door, trick-or-treatily speaking, and we're also working from a position of strength when it comes to stamping out Halloween-candy imbecility.

Want to avoid having your happy home t.p.'ed this year? Check back each weekday between now and the Big Day as we count down the 21 Best Halloween Treats and the 21 Worst Halloween Treats...

Worst Halloween Candy Countdown, No. 5: Peeps

Remember those small, chicken-shaped marshmallow candies that always sat on the Easter table, but never quite made it out of the wrapper? Gut Check knows them all too well. It turns out, Peeps decided to branch out its holiday appeal, and it now offers more than the standard yellow chick. Trick-or-Treaters are bombarded by orange, "chocolate dipped" chickens, "chocolate mousse-flavored" cats, and, worst of all- "sugar free" pumpkins. We ask you, Peeps: What is Halloween without sugar?! The only thing more frightening than the prospect of receiving sugar-free candy is biting into a chocolate-dipped chicken. Perhaps Peeps was attempting to play the "spooky" card, but this candy scares the fun out of Halloween.

Click through to reveal No. 5 on the Best Halloween Candy list...

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