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The picture of health.

A recently released study conducted by researchers at Cornell University claims that stacking colored potato chips with regular 'ole potato chips acts as a visual cue to curb your chip intake. First, since when are we trying to lessen our potato-chip count? Secondly, what potato chips could this possibly work for other than the very stackable Pringles? Is Cornell working in cahoots with Procter & Gamble to surge profits for its hammock-shaped junk food?

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Ice cream "brrrger": Fast-food gimmick or Das Racist song?

Questionable dessert interpretations of the burger aren't new. Japanese company Happy Kitchen sells a candy hamburger kit to meet the high demand of making fast-food-inspired confections at home, while stateside sweets seller Efrutti produces weirdly adorable novelty gummy candy mini-hamburgers, hot dogs, fries and pizzas. This week, HuffPost Food reported that Carl's Jr. (owned by CKE Restaurants, the same company that owns and operates Hardee's) is throwing its hat into the optical-illusion fast-food ring, testing a "ice cream brrrger" at select locations in its Orange County, California, markets.

Gut Check's first reaction was of the J. Wellington Wimpy school of thought: We'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a ice cream "brrrger" today -- because we want to try it, but we don't really want to pay for it.

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One of these products is "safe to ingest."

All right, so the end of days might be nigh. Is that an overreaction to learning that a buffalo-wing-flavored soda recently hit the market, as did a line of perfumes scented to smell like wine varieties? OK, perhaps it's a slight overreaction, but come on, when solid food becomes inspiration for libations and women pay $84 to smell like a bottle of Riesling, we have to wonder: Are the four horsemen closing in?

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Three Cheese Bagel Bites stuffed crust pizza is as meta as we like our pizza.

Gut Check is suffering from Pizza-Traumatic Stress Disorder. In the last month we've seen Pizza Hut UK introduce a hot dog stuffed crust pizza and Pizza Hut Middle East roll out a cheeseburger-stuffed-crust pizza and a chicken-filet-stuffed-crust pizza. We reported that Pizza Hut US re-released its cheesy bites pizza, which is basically a crust made of mini cheesy breadsticks. We call shenanigans. We call bullshit. And we demand satisfaction.

In an attempt to offer Pizza Hut US more creative (read: monstrous) ideas for ingenious (read: abominable) stuffed-crust pizzas, Gut Check conducted a series of decidedly non-scientific experiments in our test kitchen. The ingredients included: Crab Rangoon from Chinese Noodle Cafe (6138 Delmar Boulevard; 314-725-9889), sliders, French fries and mozzarella sticks from White Castle (7485 Manchester Road; 314-535-7430), Bagel Bites, Pizza Rolls, taquitos, Combos, pretzel dogs and a combination of Nutella, bananas, peanut butter and jelly.

Shit got real.

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Poutine comes to Wendy's Canada.

America has a tendency to ignore Canada, our neglected neighbors to the north, only paying enough attention to mock their accents. Canada, however, has a history as rich as our own -- minus a civil war, of course. They vote for an elected government, put their pants on one leg at a time and even drive on the right-hand side of the road.

But Canadians have something we do not: poutine, a delicacy of French fries and cheese curds covered with brown gravy. In Canada, poutine aficionados can enjoy this calorie bomb practically anywhere. They can pick up a sauce packet at the grocery and whip up a batch at home. They can snarf down poutine in cafes or visit fancy restaurants for upscale versions with lobster or truffles. Now, they can even buy it in the drive-through.

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We'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a cheeseburger stuffed crust pizza today.

It has been an eventful few weeks for pizza gimmicks. First, Gut Check reported that Pizza Hut UK had introduced a hot dog stuffed crust pizza. This week, two pizza-related events have clocked on our radar: cheesy bites pizza at Pizza Hut US (USA! USA! USA!) and Pizza Hut Middle East debuting cheeseburger-stuffed-crust pizza and chicken-filet-stuffed-crust pizza. Gut Check's first reaction: Can we trade the cheesy bites pizza for the unseemly allure of cheeseburger and chicken filet stuffed crust pizza?

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Caffeinated kettle chips to pair with our Red Bull. What could go wrong.

We'd be lying if we said we'd imagined a beautiful Frankenstein hybrid of our favorite kettle chips and our favorite energy drink ingredients taurine and caffeine uniting in one product. That would be a lie. With that said, when Gut Check learned that foodstuffs producer Arma recently released caffeinated BBQ-flavored kettle chips we were, how shall we say it...seized with excitement and curiosity -- and then fear upon learning that the chips, like energy drinks or alcohol, aren't advised for consumption by pregnant women or children. Yikes. These chips mean business.

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Stouffer's Lasagna Italiano or stuffed peppers? It's anyone's guess.

Voluntary food product recalls for mislabeled or missing allergens aren't the stuff of scandal, but when a company mass produces a product and labels it with a totally incorrect product name and it's missing allergen information, Gut Check's ears perk up.

Yesterday, Nestlé Prepared Foods Company, released a voluntary recall of 16,890 pounds of Stouffer's Lasagna Italiano frozen entrées that, according to a press release from the the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Food Safety and Inspection Service, might instead contain stuffed peppers with Worcestershire sauce. More important -- though less hilarious -- than the embarrassing gaffe of labeling stuffed peppers as lasagna is the allergen concern, as Worcestershire sauce is made with anchovies, a known allergen that is not listed on the frozen lasagna labels.

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Gimmicky fast food chain foodstuffs are usually mildly horrifying, so much so that we at Gut Check are often desensitized (read: curious but unfazed) by their absurdity. Then, every once in awhile, a fast food Frankenstein comes along that's too unholy not to marvel at.

This week, when Gut Check learned of Pizza Hut UK's new hot dog stuffed crust pizza, we were equal parts ecstatic and disgusted. When first tipped off to this meaty monstrosity debuting across the pond, we were confused: Why did Pizza Hut, a U.S-based company, choose to launch this obscene product in the U.K.? In case you didn't know because you're Italian, Pizza Hut, America is the land of hot dogs, binge eating and having food delivered to our faces. How dare you launch a product so perfect for the American market in a place where they call French fries chips. Though we're mostly intrigued by the concept of pizza crust housing hot dogs, the off-putting description of its companion "mustard drizzle" kind of killed it for us. Also see: This eerily reminds us of a certain fictional food item from 30 Rock.

No word from Pizza Hut yet about whether or not the company will release the product domestically, but if they do, expect more earnest reporting and field research from Gut Check.

Ashley Atkins

Ferguson McDonald's Reopens!

All fast-food junkies in the vicinity of Ferguson may now join hands and rejoice. Break out in song, put your lighters up and pour one out for the homies, because the Ferguson McDonald's (9131 West Florissant Road, Ferguson; 314-524-4366) has reopened its doors and is ready for business. The restaurant was closed while it remodeled to fit the corporation's new contemporary design.

"We remodeled the lobby, [added a] double drive-through, new parking lot and a couple of items redone in the back area," says Ysa Santiago, second assistant at the Ferguson McDonald's.

The addition of the second lane is intended to speed up the transaction process, freeing customers from worry about not-so-fresh fries. The restaurant now also provides customers with access to two flat-screen TVs and free Wi-Fi service.

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