New Kids on the Block Have a Funky, Funky Christmas with Arsenio Hall

• hey, i make excellent music and i hardly ever get written about.... --tony PS: fuck you harshnarsh: 39th post!

• 38th post!

• P.S. i cover the music and BANDS coming to town. not the venues they're playing at. there's a big, fat difference.

• i probably shouldn't say anything, but you know what? it sort of astounds me that people think that the RFT covers only local bands that are my friends and/or write for us. a) if i do become friends with bands -- and being friends with someone is very different than being acquaintances with them -- i stop writing about them. period. the local bands i write about, i am friendly with; but i'm not "friends" with them. ask anyone. i consider my "friends" those i would go out with socially, perhaps share personal things with. and i don't have that relationship with a lot of musicians. for a reason. perhaps people don't notice, but i'm very conscientious about what/who we cover, and concentrate very hard on covering bands fairly. ask matt harnish; do i mention bunnygrunt a bajillion times? no. bands get coverage if they do something newsworthy. or make excellent music. period. plenty of people here are my friends -- and i don't write about them, or give them preferential treatment. if anything, if you ARE my friend, i cover your band less, to make sure there aren't conflicts of interest. ask *anyone* who knows me; i'm overly cautious about that stuff. b) look at any of the RFT archives in the past few months; we have covered jazz, blues, hip-hop, indie rock, alt-country, regular rock, etc. the blog supplements this coverage with more coverage. i make a concerted effort to cover a diverse range of music per week, both locally and natiionally, so there is a balance. a special, concerted effort. but i am one person. with very few local freelancers who can cover local music. guess what? if i have a local musician writing for me, they don't cover local shit/their friends' bands. that's my first rule. ask any of those freelancers. the first thing i ask is if they've played with the band/know them. if they do, they don't write about it. the bureau/berlin whale thing aside, as the format of that was meant to be musician v. musician. c) joe payne -- whoever you are -- you have never once said what bands we should cover that we aren't. and you harp on the same five bands -- obviously out of jealousy for their talent. therefore, your opinion is pretty much worthless. as i've said a million times before, i am always open to hearing about new bands and music, as i like checking out new things. ask anyone. and you won't deign to share. so you can continue to whine that we give preferential treatment to 'my friends' bands,' but you don't give any options as to what we should be covering. so you sound like the typical st. louisian, whining about what sucks, but never bothering to help people make a change. d) our homespun year-end -- as well as local year-end -- runs the gamut from indie rock to hip-hop to power-pop to regualr rock to alt-country and punk and back again. and many of those bands we covered have never met me in person, or know what i look like, or have even talked to me. (or hell, maybe met me once or twice.) guaranteed. the local music being covered isn't me giving props and boosting my friends. ask anyone. i realize i'm preaching to the converted to most people, but the perception that hte RFT is all buddy-buddy, and people kiss my ass to get coverage, is outdated as hell and infuriates me. i care about musicians doing good things, creating good tunes, and helping the community thrive and improve. i cover the *music* in the scene -- not the politics of the scene. i don't like to feel so defensive, but jesus christ. i'm one person killing myself to make the section decent, and discovering good local music. cut me some slack. i'm doing my best. and if you don't liek it, stop reading.

• the point is it's not about who joe payne is, it is about giving all bands equal coverage not just your friends or ones that work at your lousy paper. it's about booking more than your clique buddies at venues. you all claim to be all for stl music but what you want is to keep control for yourselves. as a note jp has not really gone off on museum mutters or bunnygrunt because you guys dont play that game ..and gasp - joe payne respects that. JP

• Oh Chris, hearts and smiles? Whut about yer cockles?

• matt, yeah, i fall down more than the average person. i blame it on a disastrous combination of being fat and clumsy. it would be great to see you there on new years. you warm our hearts and bring smiles to our otherwise pathetically bearded faces (except for tim, who can't grow facial hair).

• x)I actually didn't think it was Mr C who posted the link, as he's not an all caps kinda guy, I was just saying that whoever did is who sicced everybody on poor ol' Shambro (again, great sound the night I was there). 23)I do like to make jokes. I also like owning up to being the one making the jokes. I for one have enjoyed the pointlessly stupid things Payne says, as they seem to rile everyone up. What I don't like is when he pretends to be someone else and agrees with himself. That's kinda pathetic. ^)Hey Chris, remember when you fell down? That was awesome! Although I generally avoid the weekend warriors at bars on New Year's Eve, that Wooden Kites/Quief Quota show is looking mighty tasty. Mayhaps I'll see you there. 55)There really should be a James/Jaime hybrid. James doesn't go to enough raves and Jaime doesn't do enough flailing around on stage like an idiot. Together, they'd be unstoppable. 1)At this point I am just padding the numbers. If anyone wants to, they can track me down, too, and talk to me about all this off-line. At which point I will make fun of you for taking this all far far too seriously. Whackity Schmackity Doooooooooo! Hooray for everything! Matt

• dirt weed?

• Aw, jeez. Now I went and mis-typed her name, makin' it even worse for myself. Jaime. Jeebus. That's a drink and then some that I owes ya now. Foop.

• Good grief! Best end of year drama *ev-ah*! 1) Yes, I am indeed bored. 2) For der official rekkid, I did *not* believe I figured out who Joe Payne was. I did *not* have access to IP addresses or any other bullllll-oh-k-rap. I was approached by yr friend and mine, Mike teh Bureau-drawer one night, I believe it may have been yon covers night(?) @ teh Off Broadway, at which point he informed me that due to some detective work on his end, he had identifed the (who really cares, anywayssss?) once and future Joe Payne as one Joe Shambro, dude trying to make a stab at a producing/engineering/soundboarding career and apparently an axe to grind. 3) I have always acted on said information, as I have *zero* to go on wot with no access to any blog-poster info-matrix. 4) I find the whole thing ri-donk-ulous, which is why I continue to "feed the troll" (wtf, is it 1996? are we on USENET? Are we going start talking about Kibo now? Am I "netizen" of "The WELL?"). D) Now, most importantly, why *anyone* got riled up about Joe Payne slagging off their bands in the first place is wayyyyy out and beyond me. 'Cuz, uh, who cares? !) If any of you's wanna track me down and give me a piece of your minds, once again, ya sure know where to find me. Z) I am completely amused that what began as a behind-the-scenes-string-puller-puppeteers well-intentioned 3-headed hydra attempt of Mz.AtoZ, TonkaBomb, and MikeBloOoOoOobrrrd to decide whether to ban the guy, censor the guy, out the guy, generally suss out his innate JoePayne -ness has somehow morphed into a Matt+James witch-hunt of sorts. It's always easy to blame the record-store dude, cuz they're elitist jerks anyway, right? Well, news-flash, I ain't a compleat jerk, and I can get along with just about anybody. 'cept maybe Kopper. Q.E.D.) Hey, I'm just a drunk whose band doesn't draw, and who isn't hungry enough, so what the heck do I know? Asqrd + Bsqrd = Csqrd) I give my personal guarantee that this will cheer all of you right up, JoePayne included: http://img.costumecraze.com/images/vendors/rubies/81220-main.jpg Mnago. p.s.: Jamie, I'm sorry someone spoofed yr name and it subsequently got drug through the mud. I'll buy yew a drink Sat. night, 'k babydoll?

• replace all "matt c."s up there with "matt h." dunno why it did that

• yeah, i admit, i totally tried to play phatom of the opera with this one. but joe payne is such a great mythical character how couid i not? i would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you pesky "ip" addresses. or maybe i just want to see joe payne get punched in the face. what can i say, i guess i love feeding a pointless fire. if you can't have fun with something so stupid then damn us all for consistently checking the same thread on a music blog for gossip. take care

• 1.) james w. and matt c. thought they figured out who joe payne was (shambro) 2.) mike c. was not the one who posted the link to shambro's myspace 3.) james w. is just bored 4.) matt c. just likes to make jokes 5.) mike c.'s heart is in the right place 6.) james is not jaime (though he might wish he was) 7.) let's not get confused or upset or all pissypants 8.) all these boys like eachother in real life and should share some brewz 9.) peace on earth 10.) it's the freakin' weekend, baby i'm 'bout to have me some fun

• James says: Well, Brian, all I can say is: Yes, both times. Though I heard a vicious rumour from the artist formerly known as Dax that J.P. was runnin' sound at Off Broadway the night of the 7 Shots, and that the sound was fantastick. So there ya go! Mgnagnago. Posted at: December 16, 2007 1:33 PM

• Okay, Annie, can you check who anonymously posted the link to the alleged Joe Payne's myspace page way back on the Gentleman Auction House Got Robbed blog? Any concrete knowledge I have as to his "true" identity is based on that one post. As for shit-stirring, I'm not so into beginning a stir, but once a stir gets going I'm all about dragging it out to the point of ridiculosity. That's when you find out who can make fun of themselves and who can't let shit go. We're off to a good start here, although I doubt we'll match the great Team Tomato debate of '07 in sheer numbers. That shit was gold. Speaking of gold, can't we all at least agree that the best part of my whole post was "Crotch-ray-liotta". Get it? I took Ray Liotta, but added a Crotch to it? Get it? Get it? Dagnabbit, my genius is wasted on you people. Cheers! Matt

• For the record, Matt, I don't claim to know who Joe Payne is or isn't, though you may be interested to know that rumor holds that you do, and that you are intentionally stirring this shit up. You may also be interested to know that others are similarily convinced it is James Weber. I don't buy either theory, but it just goes to show that there are a lot of people with way too much time on their hands and that nobody knows what the fuck they're talking about. For my part, shortly after I heard that Joe Payne was Joe Shambro, I talked to him about it- I didn't "out" anybody. But more importantly, if you want to question Steve Pohlman's decisions on how to run his club, maybe you ought to walk two minutes in his shoes. Sorry man, but you don't know the whole story, and it just ain't your business. This whole Joe Payne thing has swiftly become the most asinine thing I have ever witnessed in my adult life and I am sorry for any part I played in it. It's a shame that Mr. Shambro is facing professional repercussions because people refuse to stop feeding the troll, especially considering that he is supposedly the best soundguy Off-Broadway has had in recent years. They say that opinions are like assholes in that everybody has one and they all think theirs are important, but hopefully we can all make a collective New Year's resolution to quit rubbing our assholes where they don't belong. I'm gonna start by never posting about this crap again. Anybody who really wants to discuss it knows where to find me off-line. Way to let the terrorists win, Amerikkka.

• Vegas not a dumbass? Maybe in his own mind(s). Joe Payne is probably Vegas posting under another moniker.

• hey, chris from the wooden kites, nice try. you're not joe payne.

• I WILL be running sound at Off Broadway tonight. So you can fuck off Bucko! As far as these other assholes, Bunnygrunt sucks so much cock they hard to start giving handjobs because they got lock jaw. Museum Mutters? psh, not even worth mentioning. Come to Off Broadway to see me make a bunch of awful bands sound amazing. JP

• i can't believe this post went so far off topic in the comments. heathens. NKOTB on arsenio. there is not a doubt in my mind i did all of my chores the night this aired so my parents would let me stay up late. props to keeg. i saw it posted on ontd, closed the window, and it was 180+ posts back when i looked again. you should start referring to yr readers as 'the dog pound'.

• So, wait, is the guy who Mike Crotchrayliotta outed as Joe Payne working sound or not? And if not, and if he got booted from doing sound just because he may or may not be Joe Payne, that's possibly the weakest shit I've heard this holiday season. Joe Payne may not be very funny, and he may have terrible typing skills, and he may not be nearly as provocative as he thinks he is, and he may be a big fat loser, but he is a good soundguy. Assuming he's the guy Mike Crotchrayliotta says he is, of course And for serious, if y'all keep bad mouthing the Vinnie Vinie, we'll stop buying your promos. Recognize! And Johnny Vega$ is a doofus, not a dumbass. A doofus of awesome, that is. The Stagladesh poster still haunts my dreams. Is that all? Yes, that's all. Now you do one!

• I have never seen anyone in the hibernauts drink anything other than gin, milk wtf. The bureau thinks they are duran duran. Johnny Vega$�s main fuckup besides his innate male idiocity is his tendency to always have dirt weed. Who needs a guy like that around?

• LIKE, OMG people be postin' under fake names on this thing! i said WHAT? y'know what, though? i love everyone on BLOG. especially the shit-starters, cause they entertain me while i'm bored at work peace and love and poodles, jaime

• Now, let's not let the sullied name of Vinny Viny get fu'ther dragged through the mud! Jaime ie neither a man, a "lamo," nor employed at VV. Now! MAyhaps you meant me, James, who is *technically* a man, *definitely* a "lamo," and soytenly employed at VV. And obviously ya know who "Pohlman" is, as he didn't use "Pohlman" as his name, yet you were able to suss out that it was, in fact, "Pohlman." Friggin' blog-war amateur-hour, man! And Miz. Leeezzz, must agree to disagree on der Vega$ depahtments. And, once again, let me reiterate (for new-comer Zach, who I'm not particularly fond of yet. Start being funny *and* an asshole 'stead of just the latter and then we're a.o.k.): Bein' a whiny li'l titty-baby about other peeps' bands is totally cool with me (hell, I'm the whiniest, li'l'est tittiest-baby I know!), provided you don't do it from behind the lame-lame-soft-play-boss shroud of anonymity. Y'all know who I am, where I work, what band I'm in, blahblahdeeblahzzzzaayyyyy, so friggin' come into Vintage, say hullo, and we can start makin' st00pit jokes at our own expense while havin' a Journey dance party. Or Stooges. Or Arnett Cobb. Or Jimmy Castor Bunch. Or Raekwon. Or whateverthehague floats yr boat. PEACE! (peace sign behind head). That's *TWICE*! (what does that even mean?) -Jaaammzeessszm.

• bucko, pohlman ...who in the blue hell are you? step to the back no one gives a shit about you. Vega$ - jaime is a lamo that works at vintage..place an order with them and he'll fuck it up.

• Who the hell is jaime? and what is your problem with me? How did I get dragged into this shit? what do you do?

• Dear Joe Payne, I don't know who you are or what you do but I can tell you this: Your not running sound at Off Broadway Friday or any other night. You see, the schedule for that show was posted by the owners to the staff sound department on the 11th. If you didnt know on the 19th if you were working the show on the 21st then your not in the sound department at Off Broadway. So piss off you daft ass.

• Dear Joe Payne, I don't know who you are or what you do but I can tell you this: Your not running sound at Off Broadway Friday or any other night. You see, the schedule for that show was posted by the owners to the staff sound department on the 11th. If you didnt know on the 19th if you were working the show on the 21st then your not in the sound department at Off Broadway. So piss off you daft ass.

• Ohhhh JP. Hope this "anonymity" thing don't bite ya in der ass! Steve, I gots the digs, though it's far less exciting than these online sopa operas. And frankly, they aren't that exciting, either. And Kajagoogoo are exactly who you would imagine them to be, having a name like "Kajagoogoo." See you on the 26th! -James

• he...as far as you know.

• hey steve- if you fired that douche-a$$ "johnny vegas" bartender your club would be 15 times better. just sayin'.

• for what it's worth..as the old saying goes Joe Payne "does not represent the views or opinions of Off Broadway or it's staff and owners". He is in fact not working friday night...and as far as we know doesn't work for us at off broadway. We don't even know who kajagoogoo is....

• Since when does Riddle of Steel do guitar solos?

• since when is sounding like manowar an insult? c'mon, don't let me down. you can do better. i have faith. and do you know where i can get on the list to carry new order's jock strap? mmm good lord. new order... yum. stop making me hot, joe payne.

• Kajagoogoo = LOL

• To clarify: Joe "Payne" will NOT be running sound at Off Broadway on Friday night. I will. Please do not punch me because he's an idiot. Thank you.

• Lamest St. Louis Bands of 2007: 1) Riddle of Steel- i think this band was around in the 80s they were called MANOWAR. Guys one hint for your next album you might want to add in a chorus or two, though your wanking guitar solos are appreciated by most 12 year olds. 2) The Bureau - suits, ties, these post punks wannabe's make me Devo look like rock gods. Kajagoogoo must be rolling over in their grave! 3) Berlin Whale - Stopping screaming dude..no one cares. You cant carry New Order's jock strap! 4) So Many Dynamos - these guys suckiness was balanced by the suckiness of the first three bands so they dropped to 4. 'We vibrate we do' is the winner of worst lyrics of the year..sorry Bureau you'll get your shot again next year. 5) Hibernauts - These milk drinkers prove that you dont really need any music talent to play the Bluebird. PS - I might be running sound at Off Broadway this friday, (well at least Witch's hat is intriguing)with the others i will have to spin shit into gold. Stop by and say hello. Happy holidays JP

• haha, I'm blushing because I once thought this song was super hip and cool! Nice find!

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