Six Better Things To Do This Christmas Season Than Listen To Trans-Siberian Orchestra

Categories: Nitpick Six

Now a Christmas tradition, Trans-Siberian Orchestra will make a trek to St. Louis next month. I've been an outspoken critic of TSO for years now, and admit that my disdain toward the band has bred some unintentional negativity. This holiday season, let's explore the positive alternatives -- here are six Christmas staples that are better than Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

6. Watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas - Jim Carrey version
That Ron Howard's movie remake of the Dr. Seuss classic book ranks above Trans-Siberian Orchestra is by no means an endorsement. How The Grinch Stole Christmas is a terrible, terrible film. The goofy Jim Carrey had already proven his diversity with The Truman Show, and should have known better. Yet, like The Ataris' cover of "Boys Of Summer" a few years back, the source material is solid enough that most hatred directed towards Grinch is based in its concept rather than its execution. Likewise, TSO can certainly play with an impressive level of proficiency. But its sources -- Christmas carols, hymns -- are far worse than Grinch AND its interpretations of the material truly need not exist. Furthermore, the band is guilty of contributing this nugget to the movie's soundtrack.

5. Getting fruitcake
Fruitcake has become a punchline in the Christmas jokebook, and for why? Because it's tasteless? Because it's a gift you don't want but only receive from a distant relative who doesn't truly "get" you? Because it sits on your desk until spring staring at you in its worthlessness? If so, then the only difference between this maligned sweet and a gift-wrapped copy of Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Christmas Eve and Other Stories is the fact that a fruitcake will eventually decompose in a landfill.

4. Watching Holiday commercials
The most frowned upon ads this time of year are those which re-write the words to Christmas tunes to invade your subconscious. Really, Trans-Siberian Orchestra operates with this same principle: get song stuck in head, use song as reminder of product. T-Mobile hopes that you will think of their "Walking in a 4g Wonderland" commercial when you hear "Winter Wonderland", just like TSO wants every version of "Carol of the Bells" to remind you of its biggest hit "Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24". Holiday commercials are better because they eventually go away. Christmas comes but once a year, but TSO will spend the summer supporting its non-Christmas albums, which sound like Meatloaf taking an oath of abstinence.

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Scottrade Center

1401 Clark Ave., St. Louis, MO

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Wow, thanks to the writer for pointing out how you can be biased, bigoted and uninformed  and still get a job for a newspaper to tell us simpletons what we should and should not like. For over a decade now this band been selling millions of tickets and albums to a the broadest demographic I have ever seen. Oh, and since you are the reporter here, name just one band that delivers that much show for a $39 ticket and then gives well over 10,000 dollars every year, of their own money to St. Louis's needy. I'm sure that you and your paper do so constantly. Also please inform the band whose names they should mention during show as well as the number of times that you find politically correct to do so. Or maybe they should just cancel the concert and you could come lecture us with tales from your fountain of wisdom and accomplishments. I'm sure no one would ask for their money back. P.S.Is it possible that the coal you find in you stocking you put there yourself. Try leaving it out one year and you just might see what is so clear everyone else and besides you feet will feel better. 


Does the writer of this not realize that Mannheim Steamroller isn't "real" anymore either, at leas along the writers line of thinkin? Chip Davis hasn't toured with the group in years. While there are some original members in the TWO, yes TWO, Mannheim Steamroller touring groups, just as there are original TSO members in both TSO groups both bands use "hired guns" to play the visionary music of both groups creators.

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