Five Surefire Moves for Karaoke

Is "Short Dick Man" by 20 Fingers the best karaoke song? -- All the Small Things

The best karaoke song in general? Or the best karaoke song for you? Because there's a big difference.

In general, hell no, it's not the best karaoke song. The repetitive lyrics eventually bore the audience, and the singers (no one ever sings this alone) want to quit once they realize how long the song is. You'll also make an enemy out of your KJ. Unless the entire bar is full of drunk college kids, "Short Dick Man" isn't your best option.

But for you, personally? Yeah, "SDM" might be the best karaoke song if it falls within your range and you get such a fantastic high from singing it that you can really sell the performance. Draw people in, and it really doesn't matter what you sing.

How often do you get new songs? I really want to sing that one song that was just released last week. -- Just a Little Patience

Honestly, it varies. It depends on how quickly karaoke versions of songs are released, what software your KJ is using, which companies she buys songs from, what kind of licensing or bundling agreements she has, and when she has time to test songs and update her system with a bunch of new garbage.

That's a vague answer, I know. Speaking personally, we get batches of new releases about once a month and then make them available a couple of weeks after that. Considering our schedules and how many systems we have to update, that's just what works best for us. Your mileage may vary, but you probably shouldn't expect to karaoke a new radio single the day after it's released.

As a Friday-night karaoke host at a South County bar, Allison Babka receives her share of drunken song dedications, occasionally makes people cry and even has been glorified by a singing psychic. She's considering adding "Call Me Maybe" to her personal karaoke repertoire, and she hates herself for it. Bug her with karaoke nonsense on Twitter at @ambabka, and use #rftkaraoke.

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