How Do I Take Care of My Suave Karaoke Voice?

What's up with that Killer Karaoke show? Can you really sing through that crap? -- I Want My MTV

Almost every friend and relative has asked me about Killer Karaoke since the show debuted on TruTV a few weeks ago. In case you don't know, Killer Karaoke forces contestants to sing through bizarre -- and sometimes painful -- stunts while former Jackasser and current annoying guy Steve-O laughs at his own fart jokes because he's the host with the mic. Winners from three rounds move on to a championship stunt, vying for up to $10,000.

I enjoyed Killer Karaoke at first. There's something jovially sadistic about watching a person sing '80s pop while they're lowered into a tank full of watersnakes or attacked in the junk by hungry dogs.

I think I'm over it, though. First, this isn't even karaoke -- there are no lyrics posted anywhere, and what comes out of the contestants' mouths while they're being tortured can only be called "singing" if you put quotation marks around the word. Second, the stunts are repetitive if you watch the show for more than two weeks. Third, endgame is dumb. Sing while standing on a merry-go-round? Seriously? THAT'S the craziest stunt the producers could come up with to give away $10,000?

But honestly? I'd probably do Killer Karaoke if I were near the studio and someone double-dog-dared me. Every karaoke host craves the spotlight -- even if it means wearing a shock collar while performing "I Think We're Alone Now."

Is there any way to sing Atlantic Starr's "Secret Lovers" with a friend's wife without making her husband look like a cuckold? -- Dirty Little Secret

Are you insane? I don't care if you and the lady have been best friends since you first made mud pies together in 1979, there's no way you guys can sing "Secret Lovers" without raising an eyebrow or two. Might you sing the song well? Yes. Might your looking playfully into each others' eyes as you croon be amusing to the audience? Might her husband and your own partner laugh it off as entertainment? Yes. But they'll wonder. They'll alllllllllll wonder. And as much as I love a good performance, I can't condone putting doubts into lovers' heads.

Stay away from "Secret Lovers," "Don't You Want Me?" and "Picture." If you insist on singing together, might I suggest *gulp* something from the Disney catalog?

As an in-demand karaoke host at multiple bars and events, Allison Babka receives her share of drunken song dedications, occasionally makes people cry and even has been glorified by a singing psychic. She's considering adding "Call Me Maybe" to her personal karaoke repertoire, and she hates herself for it. Bug her with karaoke nonsense on Twitter at @ambabka, and use #rftkaraoke.

Follow RFT Music on Twitter or Facebook. But go with Twitter. Facebook blows.

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2 comments
ElopedDopes
ElopedDopes

The question of "Secret Lovers" reminds me of the performance of Starlight Vocal Band's "Afternoon Delight" on Arrested Development. To steal from GI Joe - Knowledge of the lyrics is half the battle! Every time a swooning couple decides that Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow's "Picture" will poignantly express to each other how much emotional attachment they have, I think of Patton Oswalt's dissertation culminating in a skinhead with a six-pack of Pabst's Blue Ribbon.

allison.babka
allison.babka topcommenter

@ElopedDopes You would be one of my few customers who actually think about lyrics before singing. Bravo!

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