Six Tips On How To Be an Awful House Guest: Musician Edition
4. Use all that TP. Every. last. square. This isn't about poop. It's not -- It's about snot. Forget about buying your own Kleenex to soak up your snotty cold. Just use whatever's laying around. Blankets, towels, the shower curtain -- and make sure you wipe your sticky fingers on the house pets afterward.
No square shall be spared.
5. Leave your mark. That means nose hairs, toenail clippings, and mysterious curly locks that can only be left to your host's imagination. If you floss, make sure you leave any remnants of oral hygiene around for their scrapbooks. The bathtub and sink your hosts graciously offered (or didn't, but you used anyway) is a great depository for all of these things.
6. Get up early and get in the way. The shower is your playground. Stay in there for a whole hour if you like. No hot water left behind. The people who live at the house can just poop in the backyard, if it really comes down to it.
Bonus points: Sleep with your shirt off so the maximum amount of B.O. soaks into the upholstery of the couch. Use your host's towel. Leave trash wherever you see fit and put containers full of mysterious leftover food in the fridge. Definitely do not do any dishes that you've used.