Candles As Band Merch: An In-depth, Intensive Look with GG Allin, Mumford and Sons

Categories: WTF

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The fruity, buttery smell of apple pie cooling in a kitchen window on a beautiful spring morning crossed with the delicate sweetness of barnyard hay and the rusting iron smell of dripping blood after a cowboy boot kick to the face. Burns brighter than a funeral pyre for Harry Styles, Joe Jonas, John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal, Conor Kennedy AND Taylor Lautner together; perfect for illuminating your pen and paper as you attempt to compose one magical ex-shredding chart-topping hit after another. Once you light this candle you'll never, ever, ever buy another one.

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A special multi-scented candle, the first 10 burn hours release the sweetly spicy, tree bark-esque smell of Faygo root beer. That gently gives way to 10 curiously piquant hours of a brake fluid-like fishy smell mingling with the bouquet of rotten eggs, all redolent of a lonely, ramshackle meth lab in the deep woods under a moonless nighttime sky. (Please note: This candle may explode at any point during the last 10 hours of burn time.)

See also:
-Crotching Whiskey at the Justin Bieber Concert and Getting Thrown Out: A Review
-The 15 Most Ridiculous Band Promo Photos Ever
-The Ten Worst Music Tattoos Ever

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