The Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender at a Music Venue


bartender looks annoyed.jpg
Francisco Osorio
7. Ask how much everything costs.
"How much are your well drinks?"

Totally acceptable. Asking about a specific beer or liquor price is also fine, but the key word there is a specific item. If you'd like to see a drink menu I'll happily give you one, but I'm not going to hold your hand and wipe your ass and name drink prices because you are cheap and don't know what you want. People this concerned with prices usually tip like shit anyway and aren't worth the time. Go out to your car and huff some nail polish remover if you need a bargain buzz that bad.

And never ask "how much are your drinks?"

Do you head over to the ol' Cheesecake Factory and ask how much a meal is? Or go over to Guitar Center and ask how much are the guitars? Well sometimes they're a hundred dollars, sometimes they're five thousand, and sometimes they're those hideous green BC Rich guitars they can't even give away. Prices may vary, brainiac.

How much are drinks? You're in luck, its $10 You-Call-It for Total Dipshits Night every Tuesday here!

See also:
-The Ten Worst Music Tattoos Ever


6. Touch me, for any reason.
Unless you want your next drink thrown at you, that is. This especially applies to female bartenders. We didn't come to work tonight to get touched by some drunken goon. I don't care if you're just really trying to get my attention, trying to flirt, or throwing a punch because I cut you off. Didn't your mother ever teach you to keep your hands to yourself?

5. Have no idea what you want.
It's always the guy flapping his arms like a big shitty bird that has no idea what he wants when you finally get to him. Yes sir! What's the emergency? Your goofy haircut is on fire and you need a cup of water to put it out? Oh, you just need a drink. But you don't even know what the drink is. I'll come back to you in a little while after I help every single other customer, and polish every single glass, and rearrange the fruit tray seven times, and make sure you wait long enough to realize that you're a douche bag.



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66 comments
earlsmusic
earlsmusic

I stay out of bars that have touchy, pissy, entitled, diva bartenders.

TomCruise
TomCruise

Every bar tender probably thinks these things from time to time. That's understandable. The good one's though, know better than to actually say these things to their customers. This guy's just writing about an inside perspective.

Bobby Duebelbeis
Bobby Duebelbeis

These lists are so lame. It's almost as if these guys get paid a ton of cash (some can make $100K a year and only report $50K) and get to whine about putting up with the drunk public... which is virtually the *only* other thing besides pouring drinks in their job description. Tell me if I have it twisted, but if your job sucks so bad, that you have to bitch about it 10 different ways, just quit.

Al Herriman
Al Herriman

just once, like the other guy, id like to see the "shitty bartender habits" list. waitin.g on your pals 3 times while i go thirsty, 1oz of liqujor in drinks when nowhere on earth is an ounce a shot, texting while ignoring the customers AGAIN, taking someones order, making their drinks, hen letting them add the guys behind them order too, when ive been waiting my turn instead of using the guy in front of me as my ipso facto bartender. Thats a BIG one. when somebody orders 4 drinks, then orders 4 more, then 2 more, and you let them, youve fucked 3 customers who were waitng politely. According to these lists, every single possibl way of letting a bartender know youre waiting is a massive affront, even when said bartender keeps waiting on the same spot, ignoring 9/10s of the bar. I could go on, and somebody should, because thereare plenty of shitty bartenders out there who dont earn the 20% gratuity they think theyreworth for popping a beer top after a20 minute wait at a bar with 10 people at it.

Joe Winze
Joe Winze

Funny points! I agree that slapping your hand on the bar or flashing a crumpled up $20 is not the official way to flag down a drink...

Ben Mansfield
Ben Mansfield

Tip the guy who's too busy trying to get laid to bring you a refill well...

Wes Slocum
Wes Slocum

With the exception of #s 4,3,2,&1 this asshat has no clue how to be a service professional. Your sole job is to serve drinks to people to make money, so do your fucking job and quit bitching about it. I've worked in the service industry an sometimes it's shitty, but if you don't like it, find a new job. If I walk into a bar and I'm waiting for more than 5 minutes for a drink, I'm out. Especially if there is more than 1 bartender, and if you do your job well, you'll get tipped well. So quit your crying and do your job, after all you are in the SERVICE industry, meaning you serve people!

Kelly McBride
Kelly McBride

#5 is the best! All of this is so true..well said!

Patrick Gonzales
Patrick Gonzales

I'll tell you this... Don't EVER try to steal the bartender's cigarettes!

Brian Chilson
Brian Chilson

I figure the spit content of my food/beverage goes up in direct proportion to the amount of crap I give the server.....so I'm the nicest customer you will have all day

kaotikdrummer
kaotikdrummer

Whoever they interviewed for this is the worst bartender on the planet.I Mean really I don't think they deserve to call themselves a bartender or anything else in the hospitality industry. Good luck with your music blogs because Im sure that you are broke as a bartender

Gene Margherita
Gene Margherita

Take it easy angry bartender. You are in the service industry not law enforcement. Power tripping sucks.

Adam Usher
Adam Usher

But I was next!!! And I'm thirsty!!! What's your name???

Judy Cox Laughton Lilley
Judy Cox Laughton Lilley

I only go to a bar to wait for my table with friends or for a party at work. I am gracious , order simply and tip well.

Ed Rook
Ed Rook

Full disclosure, I tip well and try to be a thoughtful patron when I'm at a bar. But articles where bartenders tell us how to act in a bar are kind of a pet peeve of mine. How about you are a bartender, so do your job and make/serve my drink, and I will pay you for said drink and tip you accordingly. End of story.

Eddie Gregs
Eddie Gregs

Sounds like you need to quit your job if you hate bar tending that much. What do you expect when you work in a place where you get people drunk.

Salvatore Velasco
Salvatore Velasco

I'll never tip well to a doosh bartender who can't do their job or they feel like they have the power to get u a drink or smile or heck do their job. screw that. there used to be a total doosh at a place called creepy crawl back in the day. probably explains y they are out of business. bartenders make great $ they need to do better jobs in my eyes

dayayohut
dayayohut

I've worked in the hospitality industry for 13 years. Big cities, small cities, beach towns, mountain towns. I've heard of some complainers in my day, but wow..... suck it up, grow the fuck up, and work. It's called a job, that shit happens, especially in this industry. If you want to get your panties in a bunch because people are rude, then you need to get the fuck out of the industry, it's not for you.

hinjurock
hinjurock

This works both ways - many bartenders are majorly egotistical, jaded, have bad attitudes and mistakenly think that they reserve the right to be rude and fuck with customers and/or the entertainment simply because they're running the bar and thus are on a power trip. NEWSFLASH: Bartenders generally make a lot more money than the bands who play at their bars do, and it's the customers who are their livelihood, so if anything they should be kissing ass to the customers and bands, not vice versa

Sharon Walker
Sharon Walker

Ha ha! Nice writing...love it! So funny and so true...lol.

deddancer
deddancer

I lot of these are irritating to other customers as well .. bar is busy, the listings are on the wall, you're in line and the one ahead of you gets to the bar, asks what they have (though they had a good 5-10 minutes to read the list on the wall) then asks for a repeat of the listing (that,again, are posted on the wall) , then wants to take 10 minutes deciding what they want to drink .. now the line behind you is 5 people deep .. and the drink comes and oh they forgot to get their money out .. sheesh .. old rule is know what you want by the time you get to the actual bar, have your money available, ask for drink, receive drink, pay, and thank the bartender.  Not exactly brain surgery.  The people behind you will be happier as well.

gambit61
gambit61

In regards to #3: I've actually never been to a bar that DIDN'T do some sort of free drink for birthdays. Then again, I go to awesome bars.

deerlick64
deerlick64

Is the same uptight place with the 15 or so things bands do that annoy the bar.

wooo hooo!

rock n roll and rules!

seriously, if you're a band, don't be a dick.

if you're this fucking bar, lighten the fuck up.

jesus3138
jesus3138

I'm right there with you. I have been tending for 13 years. Any industry disagreeing with has never worked at a place that is high volume & late night.

JackGrimshaw
JackGrimshaw

Jeez, a li'l hungover and cranky, are we, Rick? A pretty bad night, tips-wise? I wonder why?! If I ever plan on bar-hopping in St. Louis, okay if I eml you first, to find out where you're working? That way, I know WHERE TO FUCKIN' AVOID ...

sskillr
sskillr

It always cracks me up when the help starts complaining. . Im not afraid to say i completely agree with omgwtfbbg.

15 jagerbombs, STAT!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

sskillr
sskillr

Wait, isnt this "writer" a failed "comedian" and/or part of a no talent hack "metal" band? bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Jason Brock
Jason Brock

No wonder bartenders hardly get any of my business.

Kristina Williams
Kristina Williams

I agree with this except the part where they insist that you should know what you want to order. I get taking up space and picking your ass is shitty but if I want to talk to you about your selection, that's no reason to be pissy. If it's busy, I get it. Otherwise, it's your job to talk up the product you know? No need to be rude about it.

kathmobley
kathmobley

I thought it was funny & well written. Ala david sedaris. Keep writing. Trolls are trolls.

hrockgarden
hrockgarden

@tnie What bands get tipped? I've been playing in bands for 15 goddamn years, and if someone were to ever tip me for playing, I would be beyond confused. Retard.

jesus3138
jesus3138

@JackGrimshaw

Normally these well thought insights only come from experienced bartenders. So his bar is exactly where you want to be. It will probably be the best service you ever had at a bar.....that is if you have cooth and manners......which is exactly what these rules are referrencing. If you don't, we don't want you anyway. All you are to us , is a headache for no money. By the way I have bartended for 13 years now.

jesus3138
jesus3138

@sskillr

I got your 15 bombs stat and omgwtfbbg's too. I could only imagine the service you guys (don't) get at the bar. You guys are hilarious. WE LAUGH AT YOU, among other things... Usually to your drink.

jesus3138
jesus3138

@Jason Brock

Don't want it. At this point, I would be happy with just manners, no tip necessary (I'll just work for the $3.50 a hour the bar pays me). Of course, the ones with manners normally tip the most too.

What he is referring to, is fucktards like yourselves, is those who demand the most and tip the least.

As far as my fellow industry goes, your disagreement shows your inexperience. So I would stop, because you all sound stupid. With exception to the guy tending in Vegas. Obviously you have to be seasoned to work in Vegas. Still don't understand your lack of acknowledgement on this. I see your point of course.... Kill them with kindness. But you of all people have to see his point as well.

jesus3138
jesus3138

@Kristina Williams

I think he clarified that. It isnt asking what our selection is, its asking the price of everything because you're a broke ass bitch, that pisses us off. Just order what you want, if you dont have money for what you really want, then go home. You dont have money for the bar, you have money for 7-eleven.

JackGrimshaw
JackGrimshaw

@kathmobley Been a pal of tetchy Rick's a long time? (Uh, David Sedaris? Dream on!)

jesus3138
jesus3138

@hrockgarden @tnie

I'm pretty sure he said the band should tip the bartender. ANYONE who gets free drinks should tip and tip very well. It's a comp for the drink, not the service.

If you were saying you should get tipped (as a band member) (but since you don't,therefore you don't have to tip the bartender), maybe you should get a better following. Either way, your drink was free, the least you can do is tip.

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