The Ten Biggest Concert Buzzkills: An Illustrated Guide

Categories: List-O-Rama

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All illustrations by Noah Van Sciver
As vastly different as our tastes are when it comes to music, there's one thing we can all agree on, and that's our distaste for and subsequent amusement/bemusement/resentment with certain individuals who insist on behaving badly at shows. You know who we're talking about. The Talker (universally loathed by everyone), and there's The Setlist Adviser, The Overserved, The Show-off, The Director. Not that we're judging here or anything. God knows we've all broken at least one of these supposed rules of rock. Have you? Check out our field guide of the ten biggest concert buzz killers to find out. Oh, and after you peruse the original list here, be sure to check out the five newest killers that have just been added to the lineup.

See Also:
-The Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender

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Noah Van Sciver

10. The Show-off
I think we can all agree that extroversion, as a trait, is a very important part of our existence, right? Without it, of course, we'd all be soulless drones, completely content to watch sitcoms and keep to ourselves. But this is more than that. These individuals aren't just there for the show -- they are the show. The attire of these bashful blokes varies dramatically depending on the person and the show, but generally it ranges from weirdos wearing life-sized stuffed animal getups and looking like liberated outcasts from a furry convention to others wearing, well, nothing, except for duct tape, a spirit hood and maybe the occasional body paint.

See also: The five new buzzkillers that have been added to the original lineup

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32 comments
Jeff Willett
Jeff Willett

Too many pop ups and ads, couldn't read the whole thing.

Jeep Naaked
Jeep Naaked

Mostly naked women are not a buzz kill...

ranelsonjr
ranelsonjr

The Army of 20 year old guys that show up to every rock concert at Riverport with nothing but the shirt on their backs( just hanging over the shoulder though because they are too cool to actually wear a shirt) and STAND all along the front of the lawn blocking the stairs and pathway chain smoking cigarettes and talking to each other and begging for shit from every person that actually came prepared to go to a concert.


Gabrielle Lux
Gabrielle Lux

Okay, so you should show up, stand still, lip sync, and be completely sober the entire time. Oh, and don't be too tall either! Got it. Also, don't show up hours ahead of the show to see your favorite band. That too somehow makes you an asshole. Sounds like one jaded human being wrote this article. It's a shame you're incapable of having fun anymore. :(

Laura Beard King
Laura Beard King

not so much at larger venues or with bigger bands.. but would the sound guy please listen to a few of the bands tunes? before butchering the entire sound for the band the entire night. too many times have I gone to see a band at a small club and it sounds totally off. not the equipment. not the room. but the sound guy (who thinks he is God) who just doesn't have a fucking clue. this can make or break a band. too often the band loses out on getting another gig at the club, or making some new fans because the sound guy can't figure out what they should sound like. btw.. have you ever tried to tell a sound guy ANYTHING that was meant as constructive, only to have him act like you called his mother a whore?

Nick Sacco
Nick Sacco

A couple other annoyances: - The silent farter: The person in the large crowd who keeps passing silent but deadly farts for the rest of us to enjoy along with the music. Thank you, silent farter, for giving us your stanky farts at the El Ten Eleven show at the Firebird last year. - All ages shows: As mentioned in a different comment, all ages shows can be a drag sometimes. Went to a show in Chicago once that had to end at 11PM because that's when the "curfew" for people 18 and under was scheduled. An earlier band had technical difficulties for 30 minutes earlier in the evening, so the headlining band ended up playing for only an hour or so. - The mean mugger: The person who just stands there with their arms crossed, mean mugging the band and everyone else while acting like they don't want to be there. If you don't like it, get out! - The person who butts in front of you to try get up close (without asking or saying "excuse me") and then gets angry when you don't let them move up.

Shane Guy Meyer
Shane Guy Meyer

the drunk guy who asks for a ciggarette during your favorite song

John Derda
John Derda

I particularly hate "The Director." that mother fucker always seems to get in front of me. and especially at a rave, quit video taping the dj and dance bitch! As for the furry-lookin dudes that run around the shows, I think they're pretty cool and make the party more fun.

Peter Jodlowski
Peter Jodlowski

As a taller person I understand what it's like to be in someone's way no matter where I stand, and everyone hates you. Therefore, I gave up caring.

Maranda Kay
Maranda Kay

Patrick Shawhan 6 is our most favorite!!! "PROUD SOULS"!!!!

Brian Edwards
Brian Edwards

You forgot the guy with the whistle who makes his own sound track.

Rick Kohn
Rick Kohn

THe insane ticket prices for bands that are well past their prime.

bottlerocket45
bottlerocket45

The most egregious setlist advisor I've ever seen was at a Nada Surf/ Impossibles show at the Creepy Crawl. This idiot kept screaming, "POPULAR!" He continued this after Nada Surf had finished their set and the Impossibles had taken the stage. At the end of an Impossibles' song, it all became too much. Gabe, one of the lead singers, reached out from stage and slapped the kid square in the face. The good guys won that night. 

groovyrooby
groovyrooby

11. the girl who worms her way all the up to the front, only to whine about people invading her personal space, prompting the chivalrous male accompanying her to protect the delicate flower by forming an unshakeable and sneering fortress around her, smack in the middle of an otherwise lively crowd.

Russ Weiss
Russ Weiss

You almost got it right with the Sun Blocking Giant. It's similar to the chicks who sit on their bf's shoulders the entire concert - right in front of me.

Donald LaMacchia
Donald LaMacchia

I'm #5 but I'm nice, I will let your hot girlfriend stand in front of me.

Michael Allen
Michael Allen

I'm that asshole who came to see the show and doesn't want to be distracted by the dickbags around me.

jay1963
jay1963

#11 The Critic: He feels superior to all the other concert attendees because he writes for the weekly birdcage liner.

Kenny Snarzyk
Kenny Snarzyk

I'm pretty sure I've show bro'd before. Gahhh

pandatits
pandatits

who doesn't like panda tits?

Jake Niehaus
Jake Niehaus

This is great. Number four looks like....me...kinda.

ranelsonjr
ranelsonjr

scream chicken fight and knock that bitch over


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