Brad Paisley's "Accidental Racist": Why This Song Sucks

Categories: WTF

Brad-Paisleyfortop.jpg
Brad Paisley
Monday, Brad Paisley, a white man, joined hands with LL Cool J, a black man, and attempted to end racism with a song called "Accidental Racist" (below), wherein Paisley addressed the debilitating dread of being an affluent white male in America and LL panthered around in the background, high-fiving Robert E. Lee and implying that gold necklaces aren't that dissimilar from slave chains.

I mean...

See also: Why Brad Paisley's "Accidental Racist" Doesn't Suck

A few years ago, I tried to sneak a very Please Have Sex With Me-y romantic-y playlist onto my wife's laptop. It had Ginuwine on it, it had Sade on it, it had Jon B on it and more. I've no doubt that if I'd had completed the mission as I'd planned it, there'd be at least one more Serrano in the world. However, while lurking around in the dark, I tripped (over the Devil's fingernails, I'm assuming) and dropped the laptop square the fuck on its edge. It exploded into a million tiny cockblocking parts.

This song is a lot like that: The intentions are altruistic enough, but the execution is devastating. To wit, a breakdown of the lyrics, along with commentary and pictures and GIFs and so on.

[Brad Paisley]

To the man that waited on me at the Starbucks down on Main...
Well, so we're off to an auspicious start.
...I hope you understand when I put on that T-shirt the only thing I meant to say is I'm a Skynyrd fan.
...That fell apart pretty quickly.

KK.jpg
Wiki Commons
The red flag on my chest somehow is like the elephant in the corner of the South.
Somehow?

Just a proud rebel son with an 'ol can of worms, lookin' like I got a lot to learn but from my point of view.
OK, one verse in. Just to recap: You went to a coffee shop this morning. You were there wearing a T-shirt with an emblem on it that has, in no uncertain terms, been affixed to all sorts of human terribleness. The guy working there didn't say anything to you, and maybe he didn't even look at you weird, but maybe just in case on the teeny chance that he didn't fully understand your shirt, and even though there's apparently nothing wrong at all, and you definitely don't feel guilty about wearing it and running into a black person, you, without any prompting, just want to clear up that you're not a racist. So basically, everyone just shut the fuck up about the shirt you're wearing, because you don't like to be made to feel uncomfortable about it by a guy that didn't say anything or do anything? Neat. Got it.

Chorus:

I'm just a white man comin' to you from the southland, tryin' to understand what it's like not to be.
NON-WHITE PEOPLE ARE DEEP-SPACE ALIENS AND I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THEM WHY IS THEIR HAIR NOT BLOND OR WHY IS IT CURLY WHAT HAPPENED TO THEIR EYES WHY ARE THEY BROWN WHAT'S THIS STRANGE LANGUAGE THEY SPEAK WHAT DO THEY EAT DO THEY DRINK WATER IF I FEED ONE AFTER MIDNIGHT WILL MORE NON-WHITES POP OUT OF THEIR BACKS???

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19 comments
Josh Ess
Josh Ess

Roy: The problem is that those songs were actually good.

Scott R. Schmidt
Scott R. Schmidt

This song isn't about racism, it's about his own personal defense of a shitty t-shirt. He didn't write this turd BEFORE he was looked down upon by Starbucks patrons.

Roy Jacobs
Roy Jacobs

You CW fans need to relax, rock songs for decades have pissed off people for years. How about Madonna's "Like a Prayer", or Ozzy's "Suicide Solution" The Kingsman "Louie Louie" Judas Priest "Better By You, Better By Me, or Guns and Roses "Use to Love Her" Move one people.

Daniel Stout
Daniel Stout

The motivation was one of privilege. All this song does is make excuses for stereotypes and not actually carie about challenging white privilege.

Esteban Mainzer
Esteban Mainzer

can't satisfy blacks. don't make an attempt to reach them = racist. make an attempt to reach them = racist.

Tony Merklin
Tony Merklin

Featuring the "new & improved" Republican Party.....Attempting to interest all minority voters........

Esteban Mainzer
Esteban Mainzer

that's not really "tolerant" of you, kevin. i thought liberals were "tolerant" of others.

Esteban Mainzer
Esteban Mainzer

aww...look everyone, tony is what you call an "internet tough guy". calling someone a douchebag from the comfort and safety of his computer.

Kevin Rudroff
Kevin Rudroff

Not all really good guitar players sing and write lyrics. Why can't Brad Paisley stick to this? It doesn't even matter what he's singing or writing about he should just play guitar for someone and sew a confederate flag across his mouth.

Tony Bologna
Tony Bologna

Gotta love douchebags who love bashing political parties at a drop of a hat.

Esteban Mainzer
Esteban Mainzer

gotta love liberals. romney goes to the naacp to talk = he's pandering, a conservative black surgeon? he's a token and an uncle tom. conservatives do nothing = they don't care about blacks, so they are racist.

Jack Probst
Jack Probst

is it because it's a song by Brad Paisley? is that why it sucks? that's probably reason number one.

Otis Ryan
Otis Ryan

perfect, perfect, perfect. best summation of this whole stupid thing i've read yet.

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