How to Smoke at Shows Now That It's Not Cool Anymore

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As legislatures all across the city and the state consider smoking bans of all size and scope, we thought it might be high time to remind smokers of the etiquettes of smoking at gigs. As someone who smokes, I'm well aware of the many social pitfalls of my death-inducing pursuit. I'm not Captain Buzzkill here from the Planet Square, but have some respect, eh?

See Also:
- Missouri Rep. Kathie Conway Proposes Penalty for Cities With Smoking Bans
- New Smoking Bans? City of St. Charles Now Considering "Smoke-Free Air Act"

• If you're inside a venue that allows smoking indoors, at least consider going outside. If you're allowed to stay inside because apparently it's the 20th century in that venue, then try not to blow smoke directly at someone else. Look at where the smoke's going, and blow it away from other people. They're probably just there to see a nice concert or something.

• Evidently, everyone on a smoking patio is there by choice. This doesn't mean, however, even if you're on a smoking patio, that you are free to just blow your smoke wherever. Go to a less inhabited part. However, a packed-full smoking patio of mildly inebriated people is a good place to strike up conversations with the gender of your choice, so, you know, bear that in mind.

• Also respect the poor sod whose job it is to stand on said patio and make sure people don't jump the fence to get in. He didn't ask to hear your story about this one time you were drunk and how you did something that was so amazing you can't find the words to describe it. He's just trying stop people doing the live music equivalent of downloading an album, while covered in cigarette smoke.

• If, while on said smoking patio, you realize you are bereft of smokes, it's always nicer to offer to buy a cigarette off someone rather than straight out ask for one. They'll probably give it to you anyway, but if they say no don't get all sulky. Don't be that guy.

• Should someone be so kind as to offer you a cigarette, at least try and have a little chat with them. Show gratitude. Don't take it and turn back to your group of friends immediately.

• Smoking weed inside -- that's a totally different ball game. Stand right in the middle of a very large group of people, as tight to them as possible. Offer it around a bit, checking that none of the people you offer it to have "SECURITY" on their shirts. After eight seconds, when you begin to feel some paranoia, is the perfect time to start passing it around. Also pass if you see security coming for you. Then you can be all, "OFFICER, IT WAS THAT GUY, GET HIM, DRUGS ARE FOR LOSERS, OK. This would be the perfect time to set your bag full of drugs on fire and run off into the night, cackling.

• Don't smoke weed on the patio. Are you insane?

Check out some of our other "Mind Your Fucking Manners" articles below:
- The Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender
- To The Asshole Who Sat Behind Me At the Springsteen Show in Kansas City
- Mind Your Fucking iPhones

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34 comments
Kim Hayes
Kim Hayes

Keith, let's talk about laws related to alcohol since there are already so many behavioral restrictions there. It's illegal for me to drive with a BAC over .08 because of the risk that I might injure or kill someone. Now, no one is forcing that potential victim to get in a car or even go out in public but someone felt like it was necessary to protect those people anyway. And before you start in about public roads vs private restaurants, do you really think I wouldn't get a DUI if I ran over a person in a privately owned parking lot? (i would, BTW.).And I'm more than ok with that because I want to be protected from others peoples' bad decisions. You care to argue that we should repeal drunk driving laws too?

Jenn Snethen
Jenn Snethen

It drives me crazy when I have to walk though a cloud of smoke to enter a store or restaurant. I know there's laws about smokers have to be so many feet away from an entrance, why can't smokers respect that and move. I don't want my children breathing smoke because you are too lazy to walk a few extra steps to smoke. The only place someone should be allowed to smoke is in their house.

Keith Siatkowski
Keith Siatkowski

I have never smoked in my life. I hate the smell of smoke. If a bar allows smoking, I am less likely to go. That being said....smoking bans are wrong. It should be the choice of the business owner. After all, no one is FORCED to walk into any business. Seriously folks, take a moment to use some critical thinking here. If you don't want to suffer the effects of second hand smoke, don't spend your money at places that allow smoking. Let the free market work. Stop using the government as mommy and daddy and grow up and make your own decision...let others make theirs. Just wait until someone decides that YOUR behavior and/or bad habits need to be controlled and regulated.

Kim Hayes
Kim Hayes

I don't even know what's debatable here. Smoking tobacco is an act that provides zero benefits but loads of negative consequences to the smoker and anyone around them. No one will die if they can't smoke, but there are undeniable health consequences to smoke exposure. Those of us who don't want to smoke should be able to go out in public without bring forced to smoke by association.

Fred Hoffman
Fred Hoffman

wut..weed has been consumed at concerts for 40+ years...I sure that wont change...it seems the only the alcoholics are allowed to enjoy themselves..and everyone with a illegal alcohol content are policing the crowd..claiming they have bigger dicks than everyone in the room..and stop at all stop signs longer than the average bear...lol..

Steve Dixon
Steve Dixon

Look, if smokers want to kill themselves that's cool, but I shouldn't be subjected to it as well. The science is there that second hand smoke is just as bad if not worse than smoking. Having said that, I naturally avoid 99% of the places that allow smoking, but I also shouldn't be subjected to second hand smoke. And don't try to compare it to drinking. When I sit next to you while you drink, I'm not getting alcohol in my system as well (unless I happen to be drinking as well).

Deanna Marie
Deanna Marie

I FULLY support smoking bans EVERYWHERE! I don't smoke and don't want to breath in that nasty crap! I found a quote many years ago that applies so well to this and is actually funny: "Having a Smoking section in a Restaurant is like having a Peeing Section in a Pool" It just is not going to magically be separated. If I wanted to breath in that crap I would smoke myself!

Ryan Stufft
Ryan Stufft

If people want to smoke they can in the comfort of their own homes or outdoors where applicable. I don't like smelling it while I am trying to eat nor do I want myself or my child exposed to it.

Mike Schwab
Mike Schwab

We just did it state wide. Business is up everywhere.

Kelly Kaufmann
Kelly Kaufmann

If customers can sue a company due to a carbon monoxide leak or other danger to health, why is cigarette smoke allowed since it poses health problems? People have the right to not endanger their health when working at or entering businesses.

Jimmie Thomptson
Jimmie Thomptson

St. Louis "Missouri" has always been about 20 to 50 years behind the rest of the country...maybe they are spraying us to make us so stupid?

Maureen Mohan
Maureen Mohan

Only 10 years after most of the rest of the country. Yes people should be allowed to smoke if they chose to but I shouldn't have to worry about secondhand smoke or reaking like cigarettes when I go out. Why should my health be at risk because others chose to smoke in a closed building.

Matt Ferch
Matt Ferch

Taking your cigs outside!? What a violation of rights!!! Waaaa, I'm entitled to smoke inside. It's my right as an 'Merican, waaaaaa. LOL

Matt Ferch
Matt Ferch

The argument saying "it's the right of the bar owner" is pretty dumb. Using that genius logic, it would also be ok for a bar owner to serve undercooked or out of date food. Oh, there's health code laws.

Rick Firestein
Rick Firestein

@ Heather ..... You are totally correct. Control control control!

Cody Barwick
Cody Barwick

I understand the risks of second hand smoke, but if a business owner decides that they want allow their customers to smoke they are well within their right to allow it. That's the point of owning your own business. If you don't want to be around smoke then go somewhere else. Nobody is forcing you into that establishment, you're not paying the bills, you're not paying the taxes. Their is no arguement for allowing the government to dictate what a private business owner want to do or not do. This is afterall America.

Heather Girone
Heather Girone

psst...it's not ACTUALLY the health issue they're concerned about. If it WAS, why would they allow the casinos (where there are FAR more people) to keep smoking? It's about CONTROL. How many little ways can they control what you do, what you say, how you live? Freedom is freedom. Love it ALL. If you're a non-smoker, you CAN choose to go to smoke-free venues. If you're a smoker, you can choose to go to smoking venues. Nobody is holding a gun to your head saying "GO INTO THIS SMOKE FILLED ROOM". That's YOU making a choice.

Chris Ferguson
Chris Ferguson

violation of property rights. Until smoking is illegal, it should be up to the property own if it is allowed in their venue. The free market will decide. St. Charles doesn't have a smoking ban but somehow...most family restaurants are smoke free...hmmmm....

Casey Kohler
Casey Kohler

Logic 101 lol. Didn't you learn anything in school Brian lol. God, I love people's common sense. lol

Thee Lovingcup
Thee Lovingcup

It's pretty universal that smoking indoors is a thing of the past... the bans help create a better and more vibrant patio culture, which is more desirable than smoke filled spaces

Kim Hayes
Kim Hayes

I love the bans! It's do nice to go out for dinner without having my nose assaulted by smoke or my hair reeking when I come home. You smoke? Go do it, just not where the public has to deal with your choice.

Brian Gregory May
Brian Gregory May

It should be a choice for the smoker, but not for the second-hand smoker?

Barry D Willingham
Barry D Willingham

All for it. Blowing smoke in peoples faces is not a right. What about the right to go out to dinner or music and not coming home with a dry cleaning bill and a year off our life.

Casey Kohler
Casey Kohler

If I can't smoke my plant of choice, then you can't force your 2nd hand smoke on me. That's freedom for you.

Matt Ferch
Matt Ferch

@ Tony -- the freedom and acceptance ends where second hand smoke goes into someone else's lungs and subjects them to risks nonsmokers haven't signed up for.

Casey Kohler
Casey Kohler

I don't push my smoking habits on anyone, so why should I be made to inhale your cigarette smoke? At least mines proven and shown to be non-cancerous and less addictive than coffee. We've been dealing with our "FREEDOM" being violated for around 80 years now, all because we want to inhale the less harmful of the two. So go figure assholes.

Tony Miller-Mueller
Tony Miller-Mueller

If I want to smoke, then I should be allowed to smoke. I choose not to, but it should be a choice

Tony Brady
Tony Brady

they don't understand acceptance and freedom do they? They can walk there dog at night and let it crud in my yard and feel good about it because they are the person they believe God want them to be. Why not try acceptance and leave well alone. Eat another 100% beef ( with fillers from who knows where) burger from a fast food joint.

Matt Ferch
Matt Ferch

I'm in favor of the bans. It's harmful to those around the smoker whether they want to participate or not. Take it outside. That's the trade off.

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