Justin Bieber Downward Spiral Predictions for 2014

Categories: Fiesta!

justin-bieber-hospital-instagram560.jpg
Bieber, pre-Anton LaVey tattoo

July 3, 2014: A shirtless Rolling Stone cover shoot reveals Bieber's new chest tattoo: a large portrait of Anton LaVey bordered by a wreath of interlocked pentagrams, serpents and upside-down crosses. Christian fans are vexed.

August 9, 2014: Mixed critical reaction greets a guest verse on an A$AP Rocky mixtape in which Bieber's rap alter ego, Shawty Mane, makes a jarring transition into frequent and unabashed N-bomb deployment.

September 8, 2014: A half-aroused Bieber shows up at the 2014 MTV Video Music Awards wearing only a black tank top and purple Supra high tops. Stammering red carpet interviewers pretend not to notice. Producers scramble to film him only from the waist up.

September 11, 2014: Cell phone footage emerges of Bieber laughingly attempting to arc his pee upward onto a half-staff American flag outside Yankee Stadium. Public outrage follows, even though his whiz stream only barely manages to wing the bottom of it.

October 26, 2014: Troubling video footage on TMZ seems to depict Bieber wearing a Heaven's Gate jumpsuit, "Away Team" armband and clean Nike Decades, snorting a line of Flavor Ade off a bronze bust of L. Ron Hubbard. A confused America is unsure how to respond.

November 7, 2014: Bieber gets a daring new haircut: shaved on the sides, bowl cut parted in the middle, gelled down heavily.

December 31, 2014
: Bieber tweets that he'll be enjoying a "quiet night with friends" on New Year's Eve. The wholesomeness is undercut by the attached Instagram selfie of Bieber sharing a styrofoam lean toast with Dzokhar Tsarnaev inside the DC Holocaust Museum.

Thanks to my friend Jeb Lund for joke assistance.

See also:
-Crotching Whiskey at the Justin Bieber Concert and Getting Thrown Out: A Review
-The 15 Most Ridiculous Band Promo Photos Ever
-The Ten Worst Music Tattoos Ever

Follow RFT Music on Twitter or Facebook. Follow RFT Music editor Daniel Hill on Twitter too, if you are into that sort of thing.


Advertisement

My Voice Nation Help
39 comments
Stephanie Vehlewald
Stephanie Vehlewald

hes a kid and everyday is a lesson learned !i did and had a blast at that age thats what 19 yr olds do ! damn !

Susan Willett
Susan Willett

Punishment should be having to get a REAL job and live off what we all have to live on!!

Colin Feeney
Colin Feeney

I know some of you are saying "Deport him to Canada!" What happens when Canada won't take him back. Remember the immortal Ogie Oglethorpe.

Lance Holdforth
Lance Holdforth

Agreed, Sharon. And thank you for not judging my country and countrymen/women based on this douch.

Sharon Walker
Sharon Walker

I don't associate him with Canada. I have a great deal of respect for Canada. I wish Bieber would go back to Cuba and chum it up with Castro.....he can stay there.

Sharon Walker
Sharon Walker

His publicist is a genius. Poor kid has been trying so hard to get arrested for months and months and months. He is trying to break the teeny bopper image and enter adulthood. It is all according to the recipe. We just saw Miley Cyrus do this. If he was a true bad ass he would have put up a fight with the cops and be living like Charlie Sheen. He's got a long way to go before he enters "Charlie Sheen territory"....lol. The kid is just a rich spoiled brat trying to be something he is not.

Melanie Wasson
Melanie Wasson

He should be sent back to Canada with his mother.

Gary Muich
Gary Muich

Sick white moron ignorant trash of society!

Brooke Barhorst
Brooke Barhorst

It's chump change to him, he has no rules, no actual consequences...and people just giving into his every whim. He will be dead by 25!!

Kristen Sommerville
Kristen Sommerville

Is this a PR stunt to give this little girl some street cred? Not working.

Lance Holdforth
Lance Holdforth

As a Canadian I would like to say Justin Bieber is an idiot. I moved to the Lou because I love this city, but people associate Canada with Bieber and I want to give him the beating his father should have years ago.

Brian Mull
Brian Mull

cops should have given him the Rodney King treatment....

Karen Hall
Karen Hall

oh please. he's probably happy he FINALLY got arrested so he has a record just like his "friends".

Tim Brown
Tim Brown

Only miserable people listen to Bieber.

Alex Rathgeb
Alex Rathgeb

Even after his demise, the "loser" would be able to buy and sell the RFT 10 times over...I sure hope the RFT doesn't turn into Entertainment Tonight.

Courtney Ringle
Courtney Ringle

people were better at predicting his demise than they were at predicting the Apocalypse... hmmmmm..

Emily Miller
Emily Miller

how mean is it to 'predict' a person's demise? Get real.. only miserable people like to see other's miserable.. disgusting

Andee Rose Shymama Gagliano
Andee Rose Shymama Gagliano

the point of this story...is? you know...some ppl are stupid enough to believe it, the timeline, i mean. heck, most ppl prolly didn't notice it said 2014, not 13? idk...?

Brent Foster
Brent Foster

He's gonna go out and rob a liquor store...

Jerry Morris
Jerry Morris

Dumb ass! Does any one else believe he's going to self distruct?

Brian Villa
Brian Villa

worst photoshop job ever....who gave the intern freon?

Lauri Judson
Lauri Judson

Just a matter of time. Give em enough rope he'll hang himself!!

Leslee Brown
Leslee Brown

I'm sure he will OD or go to jail because he thinks he's badass

Alexander Wilson
Alexander Wilson

Give the kid a break. Who is going to visit sick children in the hospital? I've seen him do it. Is it going to be the rest of you?

Casey Kohler
Casey Kohler

I'm already writing Pussy Murder Dracula, hes gonna have to fight me for the rights to it.

Now Trending

St. Louis Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Clubs

Loading...