Justin Bieber Downward Spiral Predictions for 2014

Categories: Fiesta!

bieber-lg.jpg

This has been a perilous year for Justin Bieber, our favorite swaggy little shit. He was snapped sipping some alleged lean; he took heat for tone-deaf comments in the Anne Frank house; he scuffled with the paparazzi; his friends keep getting his car in trouble; he peed in a mop bucket and yelled "fuck Bill Clinton," for some reason. As his image problems escalate, his career moves toward tipping point: His cute teenage years are nearly at an end, and the Believe era is winding down. What will the future hold for our boy hero?

As former Bieber Desk editor for the Boston Phoenix -- and that paper's gone now, so nobody can call me on that fact -- I'm in a unique position to speculate on the exciting year ahead.

See Also:
- -Crotching Whiskey at the Justin Bieber Concert and Getting Thrown Out: A Review

January 1, 2014: At a celeb-packed New Year's Eve bash, Bieber's rapidly melting wax hotpants and "WEED CRIEMS" t-shirt cause media consternation.

January 22, 2014
: TMZ debuts video of Bieber alone in a vacant lot, prying apart an old air conditioner with a screwdriver, huffing a monster hit of freon, shouting "SWAG" in an unnaturally deep voice and passing out in a fit of chopped-and-screwed giggles.

February 8, 2014: Bieber sparks a nationwide debate on the ethics of tabloid culture when he lays a brick on the accelerator of his Ferrari and sends it careening into a crowd of paparazzi.

March 4, 2014
: Bieber's wild birthday celebration draws controversy as TMZ reveals blurry photos of the twenty-year-old heartthrob smoking a white substance out of what appears to be his still-attached house arrest ankle bracelet.

April 2, 2014
: Animal lovers are outraged when Bieber abandons Kansas Rudy, his 750lb pet tapir, at the Brussels airport.

April 16, 2014
: Worried speculation runs rampant after Bieber is photographed with his Zubas front-sagged low enough to reveal what is maaaaybe the topmost crook of a pube swastika peeking out.

May 1, 2014: Bieber debuts his new single, "P***y Murder Dracula." Despite widespread critical acclaim, some parents worry that its salty language may be inappropriate for a teen audience.

May 18, 2014: A concert in Iowa is cancelled after candid footage reveals Bieber calling Ann Landers "a boring old biddy."

June 1, 2014: TMZ releases paparazzi footage of Bieber sitting in his Ferrari, laboriously eating an entire kilogram of weed with a comically oversized cereal spoon. Parents register concern.

June 12, 2014: Finger-wagging pundits accuse Bieber of disrespect after he wears a knee-length t-shirt emblazoned with a huge urinal and the words "PISS BOY" to a private dinner with the Obama family.


Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
39 comments
Stephanie Vehlewald
Stephanie Vehlewald

hes a kid and everyday is a lesson learned !i did and had a blast at that age thats what 19 yr olds do ! damn !

Susan Willett
Susan Willett

Punishment should be having to get a REAL job and live off what we all have to live on!!

Colin Feeney
Colin Feeney

I know some of you are saying "Deport him to Canada!" What happens when Canada won't take him back. Remember the immortal Ogie Oglethorpe.

Lance Holdforth
Lance Holdforth

Agreed, Sharon. And thank you for not judging my country and countrymen/women based on this douch.

Sharon Walker
Sharon Walker

I don't associate him with Canada. I have a great deal of respect for Canada. I wish Bieber would go back to Cuba and chum it up with Castro.....he can stay there.

Sharon Walker
Sharon Walker

His publicist is a genius. Poor kid has been trying so hard to get arrested for months and months and months. He is trying to break the teeny bopper image and enter adulthood. It is all according to the recipe. We just saw Miley Cyrus do this. If he was a true bad ass he would have put up a fight with the cops and be living like Charlie Sheen. He's got a long way to go before he enters "Charlie Sheen territory"....lol. The kid is just a rich spoiled brat trying to be something he is not.

Melanie Wasson
Melanie Wasson

He should be sent back to Canada with his mother.

Gary Muich
Gary Muich

Sick white moron ignorant trash of society!

Brooke Barhorst
Brooke Barhorst

It's chump change to him, he has no rules, no actual consequences...and people just giving into his every whim. He will be dead by 25!!

Kristen Sommerville
Kristen Sommerville

Is this a PR stunt to give this little girl some street cred? Not working.

Lance Holdforth
Lance Holdforth

As a Canadian I would like to say Justin Bieber is an idiot. I moved to the Lou because I love this city, but people associate Canada with Bieber and I want to give him the beating his father should have years ago.

Brian Mull
Brian Mull

cops should have given him the Rodney King treatment....

Karen Hall
Karen Hall

oh please. he's probably happy he FINALLY got arrested so he has a record just like his "friends".

Tim Brown
Tim Brown

Only miserable people listen to Bieber.

Alex Rathgeb
Alex Rathgeb

Even after his demise, the "loser" would be able to buy and sell the RFT 10 times over...I sure hope the RFT doesn't turn into Entertainment Tonight.

Courtney Ringle
Courtney Ringle

people were better at predicting his demise than they were at predicting the Apocalypse... hmmmmm..

Emily Miller
Emily Miller

how mean is it to 'predict' a person's demise? Get real.. only miserable people like to see other's miserable.. disgusting

Andee Rose Shymama Gagliano
Andee Rose Shymama Gagliano

the point of this story...is? you know...some ppl are stupid enough to believe it, the timeline, i mean. heck, most ppl prolly didn't notice it said 2014, not 13? idk...?

Brent Foster
Brent Foster

He's gonna go out and rob a liquor store...

Jerry Morris
Jerry Morris

Dumb ass! Does any one else believe he's going to self distruct?

Brian Villa
Brian Villa

worst photoshop job ever....who gave the intern freon?

Lauri Judson
Lauri Judson

Just a matter of time. Give em enough rope he'll hang himself!!

Leslee Brown
Leslee Brown

I'm sure he will OD or go to jail because he thinks he's badass

Alexander Wilson
Alexander Wilson

Give the kid a break. Who is going to visit sick children in the hospital? I've seen him do it. Is it going to be the rest of you?

Casey Kohler
Casey Kohler

I'm already writing Pussy Murder Dracula, hes gonna have to fight me for the rights to it.

Now Trending

St. Louis Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...