Six Perfect Songs for Getting People to Leave

Categories: Nitpick Six

4. Richard Harris, "McArthur Park"

"MacArthur Park" is one of the best songs ever written. It's a fairly long and sullen song (7:30 or so), likening a relationship's demise to a cake being left in the rain. My coworker, who has the same haircut as every person in an early Nine Inch Nails video, once threw a piece of wood at my head for putting on six different versions of this song. Just be careful you don't put on the Donna Summer version or you'll end up revitalizing the dance party. In the event that they don't leave, who cares? Just listen to the sweet, sad croon of Richard Harris.

3. Suzanne Vega, "Luka"

Everyone knows what this song is about, right? And when you hear it, despite the fact that it's an upbeat radio-rock hit from 1987, you can't help but remember the lyrics, written from the perspective of an abused child:

I think it's 'cause I'm clumsy
I try not to talk too loud
Maybe it's because I'm crazy
I try not to act too proud

They only hit until you cry
After that you don't ask why
You just don't argue anymore

You'll receive a collective groan of, "Dude, come on," for the heavy subject matter, but who can give you shit for putting on such a powerful song? Pair it with the next on this list for a knockout blow.



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23 comments
Adam Fry
Adam Fry

Other bands play. Manowar Kills!

Wil Grundon
Wil Grundon

Pink Floyd would definitely backfire in the backwater, dirty-butt, third-string hippie college town I live in. Ugh.

Mike Appelstein
Mike Appelstein

Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music. Or anything off the Merzbox.

Dana Stepp
Dana Stepp

If its a guy...Ill play Allanis Morrisette Jagged little pill cd...works like a charm lol

Brian Bradley
Brian Bradley

Tubthumping, but that could backfire like a mother in the wrong bar.

Lizzy Shake
Lizzy Shake

"Revolution 9" by the Beatles on repeat - or "Closing Time" by Semisonic (which worked well to get the customers out of the coffee shop - nobody wants to hear that song).

Andrew Scott Derby Jr.
Andrew Scott Derby Jr.

Yo listen up here's a story About a little guy that lives in a blue world And all day and all night and everything he sees Is just blue like him inside and outside Blue is his house with a blue little window And a blue corvette And everything is blue for him and himself And everybody around 'cause he ain't got nobody to listen to I'm blue da ba dee da ba die... I have a blue house with a blue window. Blue is the colour of all that I wear. Blue are the streets and all the trees are too. I have a girlfriend and she is so blue. Blue are the people here that walk around, Blue like my corvette, it's standing outside. Blue are the words I say and what I think. Blue are the feelings that live inside me. I'm blue da ba dee da ba die... I have a blue house with a blue window. Blue is the colour of all that I wear. Blue are the streets and all the trees are too. I have a girlfriend and she is so blue. Blue are the people here that walk around, Blue like my corvette, it's standing outside. Blue are the words I say and what I think. Blue are the feelings that live inside me. I'm blue da ba dee da ba die... Inside and outside blue his house With the blue little window And a blue corvette And everything is blue for him and himself And everybody around 'cause he ain't got nobody to listen to I'm blue da ba dee da ba die... I'm blue (da ba dee da ba die)

kopper65
kopper65

It's called GTFO or "Get The Fuck Out" music. It's its own genre! I highly recommend anything by the fucking Eagles. Or the Legendary Stardust Cowboy. Or Lucia Pamela. Or Lee fucking Greenwood. I could go on, but I'll stop now.

Rebecca Jeyes
Rebecca Jeyes

as a devoted fan, i hate to admit it, but when i want to clear the house, i crank up the springsteen. if your friends are under 40, it's pretty much a no-fail.

Scott Brocato
Scott Brocato

Almost anything from the Velvet Underground's "White Light White Heat". I love the album, but I think I Heard Her Call My Name or Sister Ray would definitely clear the average room.

Devin Davis
Devin Davis

You forgot Ween's "Poopship Destroyer"

Dave Stevens
Dave Stevens

Fuck yes I love Mountain Jam by the Allman Brothers

A Robert Jacques
A Robert Jacques

Alice's Restaurant by Arlo Guthrie. It's more of a monologue and at 18 minutes, it takes a certain kind of person to sit thru a playing.

Drew Ailes
Drew Ailes

New list: six bands that are too good to be from america

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