Six Perfect Songs for Getting People to Leave

Categories: Nitpick Six

2. Eric Clapton, "Tears in Heaven"

Taking the tragic content song strategy one step further, "Tears in Heaven" is etched into the heart and soul of every being on the planet. You can play this song around a herd of goats and you can watch as they become noticeably sullen and depressed. No matter how many times the party plays that Bubba Sparxxx's "Miss New Booty" song, no one will forget that Eric Clapton's son tragically fell from a 53rd story window.

1. Pink Floyd, "Echoes"

There is no finer song for clearing out a bar than "Echoes." The song, in fact, sounds like the song that would be capable of closing an entire city. Beyond that, it's just killer every single goddamn time -- pensive without being brooding and effortlessly beautiful. The lyrics to "Echoes" are explained by bassist and vocalist Roger Waters as being about "the potential that human beings have for recognizing each other's humanity and responding to it with empathy rather than antipathy."

So while Rogers would probably prefer for you to sit and feel empathy for the twelve people screaming, "SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS," you may instead take his song as a challenge issued to those people, the ones who lack the empathy to understand how annoying they are to everyone around them. Watch as people shrug their shoulders and gradually decide to find another bar to terrorize.

Follow Drew Ailes on Twitter @CountBakula.

See Also:
- The Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender at a Music Venue
- Ten Bands You Never Would Have Thought Used to Be Good
- The Top 15 Things That Annoy the Crap Out of Your Local Sound Guy

Follow RFT Music on Twitter or Facebook. Follow RFT Music editor Daniel Hill on Twitter too, if you are into that sort of thing.



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23 comments
Adam Fry
Adam Fry

Other bands play. Manowar Kills!

Wil Grundon
Wil Grundon

Pink Floyd would definitely backfire in the backwater, dirty-butt, third-string hippie college town I live in. Ugh.

Mike Appelstein
Mike Appelstein

Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music. Or anything off the Merzbox.

Dana Stepp
Dana Stepp

If its a guy...Ill play Allanis Morrisette Jagged little pill cd...works like a charm lol

Brian Bradley
Brian Bradley

Tubthumping, but that could backfire like a mother in the wrong bar.

Lizzy Shake
Lizzy Shake

"Revolution 9" by the Beatles on repeat - or "Closing Time" by Semisonic (which worked well to get the customers out of the coffee shop - nobody wants to hear that song).

Andrew Scott Derby Jr.
Andrew Scott Derby Jr.

Yo listen up here's a story About a little guy that lives in a blue world And all day and all night and everything he sees Is just blue like him inside and outside Blue is his house with a blue little window And a blue corvette And everything is blue for him and himself And everybody around 'cause he ain't got nobody to listen to I'm blue da ba dee da ba die... I have a blue house with a blue window. Blue is the colour of all that I wear. Blue are the streets and all the trees are too. I have a girlfriend and she is so blue. Blue are the people here that walk around, Blue like my corvette, it's standing outside. Blue are the words I say and what I think. Blue are the feelings that live inside me. I'm blue da ba dee da ba die... I have a blue house with a blue window. Blue is the colour of all that I wear. Blue are the streets and all the trees are too. I have a girlfriend and she is so blue. Blue are the people here that walk around, Blue like my corvette, it's standing outside. Blue are the words I say and what I think. Blue are the feelings that live inside me. I'm blue da ba dee da ba die... Inside and outside blue his house With the blue little window And a blue corvette And everything is blue for him and himself And everybody around 'cause he ain't got nobody to listen to I'm blue da ba dee da ba die... I'm blue (da ba dee da ba die)

kopper65
kopper65

It's called GTFO or "Get The Fuck Out" music. It's its own genre! I highly recommend anything by the fucking Eagles. Or the Legendary Stardust Cowboy. Or Lucia Pamela. Or Lee fucking Greenwood. I could go on, but I'll stop now.

Rebecca Jeyes
Rebecca Jeyes

as a devoted fan, i hate to admit it, but when i want to clear the house, i crank up the springsteen. if your friends are under 40, it's pretty much a no-fail.

Scott Brocato
Scott Brocato

Almost anything from the Velvet Underground's "White Light White Heat". I love the album, but I think I Heard Her Call My Name or Sister Ray would definitely clear the average room.

Devin Davis
Devin Davis

You forgot Ween's "Poopship Destroyer"

Dave Stevens
Dave Stevens

Fuck yes I love Mountain Jam by the Allman Brothers

A Robert Jacques
A Robert Jacques

Alice's Restaurant by Arlo Guthrie. It's more of a monologue and at 18 minutes, it takes a certain kind of person to sit thru a playing.

Drew Ailes
Drew Ailes

New list: six bands that are too good to be from america

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