Ten Must-Have Items When Camping with Juggalos

Nate "Igor" Smith
5. Boobs
There are so many exposed breasts at this thing. In the words of some dingus on a stage during a contest where women dance while being sprayed with soda, "Fuck Mardi Gras, they give you beads. We give you $250 in merch!" So, ladies, if you've ever needed a T-shirt that says, "I'm a Juggalo Not a Gang Member" and haven't been able to dig up that $12, your sweater meats will make up where your wallet is lacking.

See also:
- The 2013 Gathering of the Juggalos Opens Up (NSFW)

Drew Ailes
4. Cardboard and a Sharpie
Attached to many of the boobs are cardboard signs, but beyond even that, these signs say anything and everything. If you're looking for a friend, make a sign. If you're looking for drugs, make a sign. Or you can do what one post-modern artist did and just write "Cardboard Sign" on a piece of cardboard.

3. Cash
No one accepts cards. Not a single place. Don't even bother. The ATM fees are $5 each transaction as well, so take out a lot of money. Put half in your wallet and half in your sock.

Drew Ailes
2. Flashlight
The Gathering is extremely dark everywhere aside from the stage and food areas. To avoid stepping in human feces or on faces, you need some sort of light. Headlamps, glowsticks -- anything. While it'll save you from awkward encounters like stumbling over a tent stake, having a flashlight will also allow you to perform the Scavenger Maneuver: being one of the many people scanning the terrain for unused nitrous oxide canisters and money near the stage after everyone has left the area.

Drew Ailes
1. Somewhere to Sleep That Isn't a Rented Minivan
Last night I slept on a bunch of empty cans and a bag of beef jerky. I used a 24-ounce can of Budweiser placed under a pillow for proper neck support. I woke up covered in plastic bags, and one of my boots was lying underneath our vehicle.

Find somewhere to sleep that isn't a rented minivan.

See Also:
- Gathering of the Juggalos: Misconceptions and First Impressions
- Death Reported at Gathering of the Juggalos; Drug Bridge Closed
- Ten Things You Do Not Need When Camping With Juggalos
- Behold the Waking Nightmare of Juggalo Port-a-Potties
- The Gathering of the Juggalos' Best Overheard Quotations
- Death at the Gathering of the Juggalos: "Four Dudes That Had Been Sleeping With a Corpse."
- Juggalo Eats and the Quest for the Mystical Burrito Man
- Here Are the Things That Happen After 5 a.m. at the Gathering of the Juggalos
- This Incredible Make-A-Wish Teenager Went to the Gathering of the Juggalos, Got a Lap Dance (NSFW)
- Juggalo Aftermath: Things We Found on the Ground at the Gathering

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