I Had a Child With Another Man While My Boyfriend Was in Prison. Help!
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PEERS PRESSURING ME TO DRINK
Dear Willie D:
I'm an 18-year-old freshman in college. I went to a frat party and my new friends were trying to get me to drink. The more I said no, the more they tried to pressure me, but I stuck to my guns. Even though I had no intentions to drink and I kept telling them no, the pressure they put on me almost made me cave in. After you hear, "Come on just one shot," "Do it for the team" or "To friends" for the millionth time it becomes taxing.
How do I enjoy my college experience when the best part about college is the parties, and the worst part about the parties is people pressuring me to drink alcohol when I don't want to?
When you attend parties and social gatherings, the choice to drink often boils down to the company you keep. If the people you came to party with are knocking down shots, chances are you're going to join them. It's human nature to not want to be left out and for some reason most people think it's impolite to refuse a drink when offered one. But if someone insists on you drinking alcohol after you've refused, they're the one being impolite, not you.
If you don't want to drink, simply tell them you don't want to drink. If you prefer the diplomatic approach tell them something like, "Maybe next time" or "I can't because I'm the designated driver." The college students who wish they could take back the excessive partying that compromised their grades and the ones who experienced that toxic night of drinking when they had unprotected or unconscious sex with a stranger is an onion with many layers.
Whatever you do, play it smart. Your education and health depends on it; not to mention your dignity.
Dear Willie D:
I am a very private person who talks to few people about my problems. I was once with this guy who was chasing the streets instead of chasing our dreams together. When I first met him I thought he was an understanding guy until he started getting heavy into the streets and abandoned me. For two years straight into the relationship, he was in and out of jail constantly, but he would always tell me he loved me and was going to change.
Well, to make a long story short, he got out and started mentally, physically and verbally abusing me. I used to blame myself but knew deep down inside it wasn't me. He ended up going back to jail, at which point he confessed he was cheating on me but couldn't tell me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. When he told me that, I was so crushed to get revenge I had a one-night stand with a guy I knew.
As a result I got pregnant, but the guy who was locked up thought the child was his, and when he was released he took the infant from me out of spite. I told him it's not his but he insists it is. I have gotten the police involved but they keep saying it's a civil matter. How is that, and he is not on the birth certificate? What can I do? I'm fed up and this has taken a toll on me!
It would have been helpful if you had mentioned under which conditions your ex took your baby. If you gave him the baby to take for the weekend and he never returned her, that's one thing. But if he just showed up at your house and took the baby by force then that's kidnapping, and the police should have gotten involved. If you believe your situation is a criminal matter contact the police department again and speak to a different officer; some cops are brighter than others.
You could also make an inquiry with the FBI. If that doesn't work, your next step would be to consult with an attorney who practices family law. It will cost you money but a simple court ordered DNA test would ascertain whether he is the father or not. Even if he is the father, the courts rarely consider parents with criminal records to be suitable legal guardians. Getting your daughter back is the easy part; standing up to your ex, well that's a different story.
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