I Watched Four Hours of Brony EDM So You Don't Have to
01:38:00 The new DJ, whose name I don't know how to spell, wants the crowd to go ham. In this case, "going ham" means jumping up and down while holding MLP dolls. Imagine Kayne and Jay Z doing that. It's fun. I miss Seventh Element already.
01:40:30 I start to type "Bronys really like to fist-bump," only to realize they probably call it "hoof-bump." But you know what, I'm not going to look it up to see if I'm wrong. In this instance I'm willing to be an ignorant outsider.
01:43:05 They do that thing where the crowd gets down real low and then jumps up, only the DJ doesn't know what he's doing and everyone jumps up at the wrong time and what might have been cool just ends up being like everything else so far: painfully awkward.
01:54:30 [Imagine a long, sad sigh here.] So... Ibeabronyrapper takes the stage and...
I'm sorry. I get it... this is all supposed to be fun and everyone is out to have a good time, but...
Ibeabronyrapper. That's it. That's what he's called. I'm dumbstruck.
01:55:20 IBABR tries to set up the kids for "the drop" but fails to understand how dance music works and tries to get the crowd moving before the song actually drops, and by the time I'm typing this he's rapping over a track that has vocals on it and it's everything I hate about music. "Don't y'all die on me now," he tells the crowd. I'm already dead inside.
01:59:00 There are two guys up at the front clearly having the best night of their lives. Good for them. I hope their grandkids eventually record their grandpa fondly recalling that one epic night they were in front of THE Ibeabronyrapper and upload it to whatever passes for Youtube in the future. Don't let me down, grandchildren.
02:05:15 Oh. My. God. We're going to get a Brony remix of Skrillex's "Bangarang." This is someone's idea of Hell. Someone will die, wake up in the afterlife, and this is what they will hear. And in this moment... I feel bad for them. I mean, I'm sure they deserve it, but does anyone REALLY deserve this?
02:13:00 Skyline, he a man with a seven-string guitar, actually gets a crowd chant. He then begins what I assume everyone thinks is a pretty bitching guitar solo, but is actually kind of awful. I think this is how normal people feel listening to Rush or Dream Theater.
02:21:00 Now he's just playing fast shit that has nothing to do with the song that's playing. I bet the guys at Guitar Center HATE when Skyline comes in.
02:28:00 In summation: Skyline can make notes come out of his instrument, but he sure as shit can't play the guitar.
More Brony on the next page.