I Watched Four Hours of Brony EDM So You Don't Have to
You know how this works: A snarky writer starts off with a few high-minded paragraphs about subcultures and having an open mind and cultural anthropology. The goal is to make it seem like they started watching whatever video they're about to tear apart with the best intentions, instead of admitting that they knew good and goddamn well what they were only watching it to crack a few jokes.
So let me say this from the start: I spent nearly four hours watching a Brony rave because I thought it would be funny.
Now, I'm not going to pretend that I understand the Brony subculture. I don't. At first I thought that teen and adult males watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was one of those modern irony things that I don't understand, but as far as I can tell these guys genuinely enjoy the show. And that's fine -- we all have passions in life. Some people paint their faces and throw soda at each other, and some people write dubstep songs about cartoon ponies. The world is weird and beautiful like that.
Sometimes videos just pop up in your Twitter feed like a gift from the heavens, showing you something you couldn't have imagined if you tried. This is one such video.
Shot in Houston during Fiesta Equestria 2013 (a MLP convention, if you don't know), Pon3techtronica featured some of the very best in the Brony EDM scene...I think. I can't say I'm well-versed in the realm of pony-centric dance music. I had seen the highlights, but once I found out there was a complete, uncut edition of the video, I had to watch it. So I did.
00:00:01 Fade in on your average hotel ballroom, sparsely filled. People start to enter, but it's not entirely unlike the middle school dances of your youth were everyone starts the night off standing around not sure what to do.
00:01:00 So in the first minute we have a bunch of awkwardly dressed young people with glow sticks dancing to "Levels." It's kind of like an average night at Stereo Live, just with more clothing.
00:02:50 Our MC for the evening welcomes everyone to the show with a hearty "What's up, everypony?" and suddenly I'm very upset with the life decisions I've made that have led to this point.
00:04:30 DJ Tetsuo is first up, and is currently wearing a giant Lego head. I have no idea if this is a regular thing for him for him or not. It could go either way, I imagine. Judging by the amount of awkward hopping in one place and fist-pumping, the crowd approves of this choice of headgear.
00:06:15 Tetsuo (no longer wearing a Lego head) hits the corniest of all DJ moves: the Jesus Christ pose. That and wearing sunglasses indoors is how you know he's a DJ.
00:07:45 You know what this party was missing? Furries. Glad they solved that one.
00:09:35 I'm not sure there's a name for the dance that Tetsuo breaks out at this point, but we're going to call it the "Springing Pogo Fish," because that's what it looks like.
00:15:00 So far I haven't learned a thing about the Brony music scene. Tetsuo sounds like every other DJ I ignore while reading Wikipedia before the headliner comes on.
00:17:40 Tetsuo tries to address the crowd, but no one turns the mic on. That's awkward. Let the man speak.
00:18:40 It took us a while, but we get our first My Little Pony sample in a track. Or so I assume. I've never watched the show, so I'm just taking a guess here.
00:25:30 I'm sorry, but why aren't more of these people prancing?
More Brony on the next page.