Guys, Predatory Dance Floor Boners are Not OK

Categories: WTF

IMHARDfinal.jpg
Timothy Norris
We're not saying this guy is a boner sidler, but his T-shirt illustrates the problem.
Gentleman, this is a public service announcement. We know that things can get hot and sweaty on the dance floor. The atmosphere is festive, the music is peaking and the ladies are looking good. You see one you like, and you want to dance with her. Totally cool. Men and women have been dancing together for thousands of years. It's nature. But there's a right way and a wrong way to go about this, and a lot of you are doing it the wrong way. R. Kelly may have said that there's nothing wrong with a little bump and grind, but you have got to stop putting your boners on us.

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We're calling this move the "boner sidle." Ladies, you know we're talking about, and you may have even experienced it. You're dancing in a crowd when you realize that a dude, typically a young shirtless lad wearing lensless novelty glasses, has sidled up behind you and is fixing to dance. Except instead of actually dancing, he just stands there like a sequoia, his laser-beam stare penetrating your pants. It's killing your vibe and distracting you from the music. The guy has officially entered your personal space.

At some point the dude makes his move and puts his hands on your hips. In no way did your body language suggest that you wanted him to do this, although it's possible that he's mistaken your enthusiastic shuffling for an open invitation to touch you. (Not the same thing!)

He then takes the liberty of moving in closer and putting his frontside against your backside. You're basically immobilized, and this is when you realize that he's got a boner and is pressing it into your ass. He's not even really dancing; he's just standing there...with his boner on you.

This happens to women all the goddamn time at dance shows, and it's annoying, awkward and gross. We've even heard an anecdotal account of a guy who takes Viagra before going out, specifically to do this.

So what should you do?

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34 comments
Jesse Riley
Jesse Riley

@andee, I'm not saying it is okay to disrespect someone. If I was a gay guy I might like another guy doing that. I have been clubbing a lot and did some grinding in my day....from what I seen most ladies were at the club looking for some action. As far as class D felonies and touching...I've never seen a chic press charges for that, on the flip side I have seen a lot of slaps and fights. If you were passing by, you would not get an illicit boner, but if you stopped, smiled and turned around then I would assume by expression that you wanted the physicality! But if I was your bf I would have pushed a way through for you cause I am a total gentleman.

Andee Rose Shymama Gagliano
Andee Rose Shymama Gagliano

wow..."Having a boner and putting it on a woman is not sexual assault" really? okay, let some dude rub his semi up in your bum crack, uninvited, then tell me how you feel about that :D i smack a m-effer's hand for that noise. oh, btw, touching someone in certain areas does constitute as sexual harassment. a dude touching a gal's butt with an open hand can be considered a class D felony. anyway, if you're referring to my little anecdote, i wasn't dancing around those dude, i was trying to walk by. i'm all of 4'10 and a half inches, so trying to shove past tall beings of 6 ft and more was most difficult (: they laughed at me when i shoved them, LOL...a-holes. kinda like my a-hole ex-bf who jus was on the other side, chillin, LOL.

Jesse Riley
Jesse Riley

@Neil, no that's ridiculous. I'm not saying that at all. You must have not read my whole statement. Having a boner and putting it on a woman is not sexual assault, that is over powering on the word side of things. Women do not do anything to DESERVE to be treated this way. All women know that men are a little "behind" things mentally. Some men don't get it. I would never do that to anyone that did not want it, meaning consensual. When on the dance floor, people talk without using words. That's what I was explaining. If a woman didn't like this, the natural response to something like this is to MOVE! You don't really know me Neil so don't put words in my mouth but as a man, take me at my word! This is the normal respect you show someone you don't know, you listen to what they tell you until you know them and can assert yourself to that person.

Neil Aimaro
Neil Aimaro

You really need to start hanging out with a better crowd.

Neil Aimaro
Neil Aimaro

Oh so when a woman does not want to be sexually assaulted that makes her gay? You need a serious reality check. In your mind if a woman is on the dance floor she is asking to be sexually assaulted. That train of thought is not only wrong but criminal.

Jesse Riley
Jesse Riley

This lady must be gay...I mean, if you don't like it then move out of the way. Yes there are some uncouth men but damn. If you don't like it, then don't stand there and take it. A man will definitely think you are liking it if you stay there. If you're into him then cool....just don't lead him on. I'm not saying he's right but someone has to be the adult.

Andee Rose Shymama Gagliano
Andee Rose Shymama Gagliano

okay, since it's still a fresh story in my mind cos i told it to my bf jus last night. i was at a NYE show once...waiting for the band i wanted to come on, the other band was playing, parts of both bands played before the band i wanted went on. i'm hella short, and there were several tall dudes kinda in a circle around me. the found it funny to "accidentally" shove me around, and grab my hips and hump my butt. i didn't like it, it was uninvited, and most females don't like to be grabbed and humped on by guys they don't know. feelin' their semis grinding against your bum... one dude's elbow hit my cheek below my eye really hard and almost knocked my glasses off, though ti was gonna get a black eye. there was a short moment when one of the band mates (with whom i was acquainted with) and i made brief eye contact. so, even if it wasn't, it felt like his remark was "for me," when he said something along the lines of, "hey y'all, we're here for a good time... watch out for the other ppl around you, ease up on the pushin' n' shovin'..." into the mic. after the next song, the other band was going off stage and the (rest of) the band i wanted went on stage. so, the fanbase shifted a bit, and new ppl were coming forward and the meanies were fading back. i ended up within a circle of women (i kinda infiltrated, lol) i sorta knew from other shows and danced crazy for the rest of the night!

Mary Poletti
Mary Poletti

I did an overnight visit at Wash U when I was, I don't know, 16? My host, whom I had met that day, thought it was an excellent idea to take me to a foam party at the Beta Theta Pi house. It was a night of many then-unsettling firsts, chief among them a very creepy dance floor boner. (But at least I wasn't surprised when, a month later, I had a slightly rapey encounter at the Beta house where I ultimately ended up going to school.)

John Price
John Price

Sounds fake to me, but I am an old guy. Never heard of this.

Philip E. Rachford
Philip E. Rachford

Old one RFT. Saw it 5 days ago on Upworthy. Not proud of the male race for it, but have seen it multiple times already.

Nicholas B Clemens
Nicholas B Clemens

"If the guy is especially thickheaded, you might have to... ...physically move his hands off you" Isn't that kind of step one?

Laura Dee
Laura Dee

I am so glad I'm already married because men these days are totally classless assholes.

Neil Aimaro
Neil Aimaro

Elbows? How about a knee into the balls?

Neil Aimaro
Neil Aimaro

And that's why I prefer rock shows......

Jason Lash
Jason Lash

eat sleep rave repeat, eat sleep rave repeat... wake and bass..love it

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