Six Music Acts That Should Have Been Pro Wrestlers

Categories: Nitpick Six

2. Immortal
"The Blizzard Beasts"

Immortal is a Norweigan black metal band. They had a video where someone was breathing fire and another member of the band was wearing a witch's hat. The band's former guitarist, Demonaz, got tendinitis in his arm from shredding so fast all the time. They also all have beautiful hair.

Finishing Move: "The Church Burner" - Frontman Abbath breathes fire while Immortal's beefy drummer Horgh performs a Satanic ritual around the collapsed body of their foe. The lights in the arena spontaneously turn off and when they turn on a few minutes later, all that remains is a smoldering pile of bones.

1. John Popper
"Blue Bayou Boy"

Everyone knows that John Popper lost a lot of weight and stopped wearing that cool fishing vest. But had he chosen a different path, the formerly heavy harmonica howler could've entered the wrestling world as the Blue Bayou Boy, a down-home big ol' boy with a penchant for literally throwing his weight around. As I'm looking up pictures of the guy, the idea runs through my head that maybe I shouldn't be making jokes about a dude who got arrested with fourteen weapons in his car. While probably pretty stoned.

Finishing Move: "The Popper's Popper Popper" - the Blues Traveler initiates a devastating chokehold and forces his opponent to huff some amyl nitrite (otherwise known as a "popper"). Our soulful hero then climbs to the top and performs a seated butt drop on the dazed challenger. After being announced as the winner, his coach dumps a bucket of crayfish over his head.

See Also:
- The Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender at a Music Venue
- Ten Bands You Never Would Have Thought Used to Be Good
- The Top 15 Things That Annoy the Crap Out of Your Local Sound Guy

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