Dear John Boehner: Stop Making Those Stupid Faces on Live Television

We've had enough of you. Most of your ideas to counter the Democrats absolutely suck. Punishing the entire country in the name of stopping something that actually passed through the rounds of due process? You're acting like a group of spoiled rich kids. (Oh, my bad, you poor pathetic bastards actually are a group of spoiled rich old geezers, silly me.) Do us all a solid and stop making those stupid faces on live television. I actually wouldn't have a problem rooting for the Republicans if you assholes had an inkling of an idea about being an inclusive party, but as I gazed at the television I saw nothing but old, disgruntled, angry white people. Herman Cain swallowed his own nuts, so he technically hasn't been black in years. He's the real-life Uncle Ruckus.

This would be OK if most of America actually resembled people like you. But we're moving into a new era; it's time for your party to stop functioning as if we are living in the 1800s. The world isn't turning over on it's axis, so take a deep breath and relax, You look like you're about to drive yourself into a stroke, and of course we all know you won't need Obamacare to pay for your medical bills. So cheer up, you miserable bastard.

On Thursday the check for this piece will arrive in the mail box. I will cash it and go buy some Nikes to wear onstage while I perform at Grovefest this weekend. I'll also get paid for performing at Grovefest. I'm an artist and this is my job, and now thanks to Barack Obama I can now afford healthcare. I love America.


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