Six Terribly Upsetting (and Erotic) Musical Fan-Fiction Stories, Illustrated

Categories: Nitpick Six, WTF

Dave Watt

5. Avenged Sevenfold: "Hater's Gonna Hate, A Hater's Worst Nightmare"

I spent a solid half-hour reading stories of Avenged Sevenfold in haunted houses. I managed to pull a special sort of entertainment from the story "Hater's Gonna Hate," due to the strange poem/song that was composed as a companion piece. A sample of the passage about the band's guitarist, Zacky Vengeance:

Haters gonna hate, Vengeance gonna seek revenge
he'll show you how worthless you are to them
then he'll tie you up and put you in the oven,
He'll bake you just like in the story Hatzel and Grittle
Then lastly he'll feed you to other haters
leaving them a note saying (who's next to be baked, if not then you'll be barbecued)
can't you see, he attended and owns Vengeance University.

The story revolves around some high school jocks who go and do some stupid bullshit and hate on an Avenged Sevenfold song on the radio. They run out of gas in a creepy town after bats swoop around them. But these aren't just any bats -- they're A7X bats, which, just in case you haven't seen one tattooed on the neck of someone buying a Monster energy drink, are skulls with wings.

The "death bats" chase a character named Michael into a restaurant where he encounters the band's singer, M. Shadows, who tries to make him eat tacos. Then he punches Michael with a microphone and eats his soul with his evil shadow. The rest of the story is a bunch of who-gives-a-crap, except for a section where someone eats a human eyeball after mistaking it for a cherry tomato.

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