Why This Song Sucks: Lorde's "Royals"

Categories: WTF

And we'll never be royals

Queen.JPG
Courtesy of Buckingham Palace
Lorde has made approximately $90M since this song was released. She is for certain rich now -- or at least closer than I am; two days ago I told my wife to only put $8 in gas in the car because that's all we could scrounge up -- and she's probably about to get wifed up by one of the single dudes in line for some throne or another.

I'm saying, making a song about not being rich and then pushing that song so that you eventually do get rich, that's just kind of a sneaky dick move.

Malibooyah. Everyone's favorite song sucks. That's a little thing called in your face logic.

Conclusions:

(I) Lorde is young and talented and attractive and I am old and a hack and ugly.
(II) Jacob over Edward
(III) But for real, I might even take just a few gold-colored cats on a leash.

Editor's Note: Shea Serrano sometimes writes about Why This Song Sucks, and sometimes about his hilarious and poignant life and times. Better put your shoes on because your socks are about to be blown off.

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