How to Not Get Groped By a Frat Guy

If she starts putting her hair over her ear, THAT MEANS SHE WANTS A KISS. Therefore, try to give her a kiss on the cheek. They usually like that and nothing really should become of it.

That probably doesn't mean that. But when he pulls this move, try biting at his his face while making growling noises. Although, they usually like that.

If for some reason they aren't down for a cheek kiss, just dance through it or say you are going to get another drink and see if they want one. And then repeat from the beginning.

When he gets back with that drink, enthusiastically do the hokey pokey.

If the party is going good (a.k.a. there are a lot of open girls) try to escalate cause it's awesome. Here is how to escalate: Try to twist her hips around to face you and dance front to front. FROM THERE THE OPTIONS ARE UNLIMITED! You can make-out with her (tongue on tongue), you can stick your hand up her shirt (not right away though), you can go for a butt grab (outside or inside the shirts), or use your imagination.

Indeed, the options are unlimited. You can throw your drink in his face, slap his hands, go for a groin kick, stare at him with crazy eyes until he gets freaked out and walks away, or pull out your phone, call your dad and have him talk to this joker. Use your imagination.

ALWAYS START WITH THE MAKING OUT!!!! NO RAPING.

OH HAHAHAHA NO RAPING.

A short guide of the 7 E's of HOOKING UP! 1. Encounter (spot a girl or group of girls) 2. Engage (go up and talk to them) 3. Escalate (ask them to dance, or ask them to go up to your room or find a couch, depending on what kind of party) 4. Erection (GET HARD) 5. Excavate (should be self-explanatory) 6. Ejaculate (should also be self explanatory) 7. Expunge (send them out of your room and on their way out when you are finished.

Behold the 7 E's of aversion: 1. Explain (to this dude that you're not interested in him) 2. Exploit (the guy's stupidity for your own personal entertainment) 3. Emasculate (should be self explanatory) 4. Embarrass (should also be self explanatory) 5. Expose (the guy as the d-bag that he is) 6. Exit (this rape trap of a party) 7. Eat (nachos with your friends in the student union).

In luring rapebait, [name reducted]

In defending common sense, all ladies everywhere

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