How to Not Get Groped By a Frat Guy

If she starts putting her hair over her ear, THAT MEANS SHE WANTS A KISS. Therefore, try to give her a kiss on the cheek. They usually like that and nothing really should become of it.

That probably doesn't mean that. But when he pulls this move, try biting at his his face while making growling noises. Although, they usually like that.

If for some reason they aren't down for a cheek kiss, just dance through it or say you are going to get another drink and see if they want one. And then repeat from the beginning.

When he gets back with that drink, enthusiastically do the hokey pokey.

If the party is going good (a.k.a. there are a lot of open girls) try to escalate cause it's awesome. Here is how to escalate: Try to twist her hips around to face you and dance front to front. FROM THERE THE OPTIONS ARE UNLIMITED! You can make-out with her (tongue on tongue), you can stick your hand up her shirt (not right away though), you can go for a butt grab (outside or inside the shirts), or use your imagination.

Indeed, the options are unlimited. You can throw your drink in his face, slap his hands, go for a groin kick, stare at him with crazy eyes until he gets freaked out and walks away, or pull out your phone, call your dad and have him talk to this joker. Use your imagination.

ALWAYS START WITH THE MAKING OUT!!!! NO RAPING.

OH HAHAHAHA NO RAPING.

A short guide of the 7 E's of HOOKING UP! 1. Encounter (spot a girl or group of girls) 2. Engage (go up and talk to them) 3. Escalate (ask them to dance, or ask them to go up to your room or find a couch, depending on what kind of party) 4. Erection (GET HARD) 5. Excavate (should be self-explanatory) 6. Ejaculate (should also be self explanatory) 7. Expunge (send them out of your room and on their way out when you are finished.

Behold the 7 E's of aversion: 1. Explain (to this dude that you're not interested in him) 2. Exploit (the guy's stupidity for your own personal entertainment) 3. Emasculate (should be self explanatory) 4. Embarrass (should also be self explanatory) 5. Expose (the guy as the d-bag that he is) 6. Exit (this rape trap of a party) 7. Eat (nachos with your friends in the student union).

In luring rapebait, [name reducted]

In defending common sense, all ladies everywhere

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29 comments
JamesMadison
JamesMadison topcommenter

If he gets grabby, just say you can't stay out too late. You have a high school paper to write, and your dad has been known to send one of his deputies to get you. Damn GPS tracking in your cell phone.

The battle of the sexes has been going on for years. Women know how to handle themselves. Just do not get drunk or high. Keep your girlfriend close. Do not let the guys separate you. If someone gets too grabby - its called an assault and battery - call the cops. End of the party. Do not allow yourself to be victims. Set the standard of behavior where it needs to be.

Mike Bournstein
Mike Bournstein

I met my wife at a frat party, my fraternity, and then I married her. That was 25 years ago.

Jason Starek
Jason Starek

This picture is not a good way to avoid getting groped...

Laura Dee
Laura Dee

Inciting action to harm another person (ie writing a letter encouraging frat boys to rape drunk women) is not protected by the First Amendment.

perock
perock topcommenter

lmao... this article is fantastic. I hate being a male because of douches like this. Good on you Katie Bain. Fantastic reactions.

Laura Dee
Laura Dee

I still want the "How to not grope girls at a frat party" article that places the blame where it belongs.

Jim Wood
Jim Wood

that lady that wrote the reply was so mean.

Connor Jordan
Connor Jordan

Of course an email that one frat guy writes instantly makes every man in a fraternity a rapist. Yep, I'm pledging a fraternity so all I ever see when I look at a girl is another thing to screw and throw away once I'm done. This is just blatant stereotyping that is, in many cases from what I have seen, boundless. I refer to myself as a fraternity gentleman and I conduct myself as such.

Hannah Williams
Hannah Williams

You are getting yourself grouped with the disgusting people who wrote and used this letter by slut shaming.

Hannah Williams
Hannah Williams

SlicRic Kohn, a woman should be able to wear and say whatever the hell she wants and not worry about being raped. That should go without saying. And using alcohol to get a woman in bed is actually classified as rape. A person cannot give consent while inebriated.

Stacy Mariebeck
Stacy Mariebeck

So what you're saying is, if a man treats a woman disrespectfully, it's her fault?

TomTucker
TomTucker

Attempting to rape a female by any means should always result in the attempters immediate death. 

TomTucker
TomTucker

Attempting to rape a female by any means should quickly be followed by his death.

Madeline Grace
Madeline Grace

The letter passed around this particular fraternity is disgusting and horrifying, but to generalize all fraternity members like that is really ignorant and unfair.

Rick Kohn
Rick Kohn

So, it's ok to look and act like a slut, but not to be treated like one?

Ben Manson
Ben Manson

also i love " try not to slap him across the face... yet"

Ben Manson
Ben Manson

Laura, he shouldn't be punished, I adamently support free speech. He should be educated. That's really the peice missing. I bet if he went though shock therapy (like shock value, where they hit YOU with the situation to call to your attention how it affects others with BIG real life examples not like the 1950's shock therapy) he would rebuke his own article. Free speech works both ways :)

Kevin Rudroff
Kevin Rudroff

John the prophet of logical thinking and usefully exercises to enhance the brains smart areas

John Prophet
John Prophet

I have an idea - DON'T go to any frat parties and don't hang out with douchebag fratboys. Problem solved!

Laura Dee
Laura Dee

You've got this backwards. The responsibility for not getting raped shouldn't be only on the woman's head. Where's the 'how to pick up women in a respectful manner" article? Was the frat even punished for handing out this bile??

Ben Ricker
Ben Ricker

Apply knee to ball sack. Repeat.

JamesMadison
JamesMadison topcommenter

wrong. Girls wearing bikinis do not deserve to be groped. Neither should these young ladies. I do not care what a girl wears, uninvited groping is assault. that's a crime. You make it sound like every guy out there is a potential criminal based on what the girl wears. Sorry, not the case. The majority of men know how to respect and treat a female regardless of her clothing, lack of it, or her sobriety.

JamesMadison
JamesMadison topcommenter

yes. Not even a slut (pick your definition) deserves to be mistreated.

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