Six Musicians That Rule Despite Their Music

Categories: Nitpick Six

2. HIM

Finland is home to many brilliant metal and punk bands: Demilich, Convulse, Amorphis, Lama, Appendix, Rattus and absolutely not HIM (His Infernal Majesty). However, the innovators behind "love metal" and the moronic Heartagram emblem make this list for one reason: the members' devotion to Musta Paraati, a fairly unknown post-punk band that was only active for two years. HIM singer Ville Valo even played two of their songs during a 2001 tribute to the band. In American terms, this would probably be the equivalent to Linkin Park covering Suicide. Ville Valo is a big King Diamond fan, which isn't too crazy, and rather commendable for a dude who makes music like this.

1. John Mayer

John Mayer is a tank-top wearing, ukulele playing, koi-fish tattoo having, certifiable asshole. "Oh, but he's such a talented guitar player! Did you know he can harblegarflebuggle duggle in goof-minor?" It doesn't matter how gifted he is on the six string -- his songs are pillowy piles of dump. Whipped feces.

With the same sentiment as those "I'm not A BITCH, I'm THE BITCH," bumper stickers at novelty stores proclaim, John Mayer is THE DOUCHEBAG of the music industry. He's proclaimed that his biggest dream is to write pornography and compared his penis to a white supremacist. Later, he referred to his mouth as the Don King of his penis. I could go on, but there's actually numerous lists (including an excellent Tumblr) out there devoted to cataloging John Mayer's worst quotes.

But actually, his douchebaggery is his most valuable asset. Mayer is living proof that you actually don't have to have any good qualities to be successful. That kind of thing gives hope to us all.

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15 comments
Styles Baker
Styles Baker

The man just gets it! Sure his music isn't for everyone but he is as authentic as it gets. Having said that, what third grade classroom did you find this article in?;)

Mitch Martin
Mitch Martin

Kid Rock came over and played for us in Baghdad in 2009. He was told to get off the stage before dark due to mortar threats. He said F that, if you guys are here risking it I will too! He's been a bad ass in my book since that day.

Christy Beem
Christy Beem

I don't like Nicki Minaj's music at all, but she seems like a very cool lady. She's mindful of trans* people when talking about gender, has numerous feminist quotes, and released a line of clothing for KMart even though she could have done one for a more upscale line. She did that because she wanted cool clothing to be available to everyone, not just people with hundreds to spend on a pair of pants. So I'm not listening to her music, but I've got respect for her. And I just realized that I think I put more detail and examples into this comment than there were for any section of this article...

Brandon Herges
Brandon Herges

So Kid Rock "rules", while the Clash and Social Distortion 'suck'? C'mon, we can do better than this crap, STL.

Andy Knight
Andy Knight

Another one for Kid Rock (can't stand his music) is how he handles the front rows, with a system that takes them away from the ticket brokers, rich and connected and insures that his common fans get those seats.

Kristina Williams
Kristina Williams

this list is fucking stupid. if i wanted this kind of shit, id read buzzfeed.

Roger Ellis Estill
Roger Ellis Estill

The only people I ever heard of on this list is John Mayer and Kid Rock.

Adam Robinson
Adam Robinson

Hahah the John Mayer bit is great. Prince did a tour where tickets were a flat $25

Carly Higdon
Carly Higdon

Perfect! And I have been twice to Kid Rock now and I'm a believer!

andrewrobertailes
andrewrobertailes

god damn it, the only difference between the two is that one has hair

RFT Music
RFT Music

Whoops! Thanks for the catch

Nick Calcaterra
Nick Calcaterra

You beat me to it Keith. Hey, this guy still gets paid his 5 cents a word or w/e.

Keith Kettmann
Keith Kettmann

Whoever wrote this article needs to check their facts. Joe Satriani was the guitarist with the Silver Surfer on the cover (Surfing with the Alien), not Vai.

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