Six Musicians That Rule Despite Their Music

Categories: Nitpick Six

2. HIM

Finland is home to many brilliant metal and punk bands: Demilich, Convulse, Amorphis, Lama, Appendix, Rattus and absolutely not HIM (His Infernal Majesty). However, the innovators behind "love metal" and the moronic Heartagram emblem make this list for one reason: the members' devotion to Musta Paraati, a fairly unknown post-punk band that was only active for two years. HIM singer Ville Valo even played two of their songs during a 2001 tribute to the band. In American terms, this would probably be the equivalent to Linkin Park covering Suicide. Ville Valo is a big King Diamond fan, which isn't too crazy, and rather commendable for a dude who makes music like this.

1. John Mayer

John Mayer is a tank-top wearing, ukulele playing, koi-fish tattoo having, certifiable asshole. "Oh, but he's such a talented guitar player! Did you know he can harblegarflebuggle duggle in goof-minor?" It doesn't matter how gifted he is on the six string -- his songs are pillowy piles of dump. Whipped feces.

With the same sentiment as those "I'm not A BITCH, I'm THE BITCH," bumper stickers at novelty stores proclaim, John Mayer is THE DOUCHEBAG of the music industry. He's proclaimed that his biggest dream is to write pornography and compared his penis to a white supremacist. Later, he referred to his mouth as the Don King of his penis. I could go on, but there's actually numerous lists (including an excellent Tumblr) out there devoted to cataloging John Mayer's worst quotes.

But actually, his douchebaggery is his most valuable asset. Mayer is living proof that you actually don't have to have any good qualities to be successful. That kind of thing gives hope to us all.


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