Why Kanye's St. Louis Tour Date Was Really Cancelled

YEEZUStour.jpg
By Jay Stephens

It's been almost two weeks since the truck carrying Kanye West's specialized tour equipment was in a mysterious accident, resulting in the postponement of many of the shows on the YEEZUS tour and the outright cancellation of its St. Louis date. There is still no new information regarding the nature of the crash or the people involved, and the investigation may stop altogether now that the equipment has been repaired and the tour is kicking back off again.

But luckily, we're here to speculate wildly on who the most likely culprits of a YEEZUS tour sabotage might be.

KIM KARDASHIAN

Let's knock out the obvious ones first. Kim Kardashian cannot be out of reach from Kanye West's hand until she has made her own hand an official Mensa-qualified multimillionaire wife! She needs to keep Kanye from talking to his lawyers about the whole "let's not do a pre-nup with Kim K" situation, and what better way to keep him at home than to literally keep him off the road?

BABY NORTH WEST

Speaking of people who want to keep Kanye at home, North West is also a potential perpetrator. Kanye recently called his daughter a baby genius. She could totally pull off this sort of damage at five months old. I believe it, because it would be cruel of God to make that child anything short of someone who could successfully emancipate herself in the court of law within ten years. In the meantime, though, she wants to spend time away from the Jenners and be raised by some semblance of a family. In this situation, Kanye West is that semblance.

JAMIE FOXX

Aaand speaking of fake families, Jamie Foxx needs to remind Kanye of the song they made together soon if he ever, ever, ever wants to perform in a somewhat non-ironic reunion tour in the future. Another possible suspect.

CHUCK D FROM PUBLIC ENEMY

Earlier this year Chuck D from Public Enemy got pissed at Jay-Z and Kanye for saying the "N-word" too much...SO IMAGINE HOW HE FELT AFTER LISTENING TO MAGNA CARTA AND YEEZUS THIS SUMMER. He could absolutely not let this tour happen.

KANYE WEST

Because on second thought, a giant TV screen and rock-climbing wall suddenly didn't seem as revolutionary as a "FIRST SOLO TOUR IN FIVE YEARS!" demanded it be. Plus, there may have been some concern as to whether he could even fit his massive ego in the building.

EMINEM

Eminem has made it clear that Kendrick Lamar is his friend now, and they are bringing "it" back to "the game." Eminem has also made it clear with Marshall Mathers LP 2 (and everything else he has ever done) that he is not a proponent of healthy relationships. The fact that Kendrick Lamar is touring with Kanye West makes Kanye West a threat. And when Eminem is exposed to a threat (or anything), Eminem shows how much of a BAD GUY he can be...this time, by possibly smashing Kanye's set and stealing more cuddle time with K. Dot.

Continue to page two for more wild speculation.


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35 comments
Speaker222
Speaker222

Yes, St. Louis, tell us all how much "Yeezus" sucks while going to see fucking Brad Paisley or Florida Georgia Line or some other bullshit, canned country act. He cancelled the show here because this town has fucking awful taste in music. That's a fact.

buckswope
buckswope

hrm...he cancelled STL, Minneapolis, Denver, Salt Lake City, and Vancouver?


kanye west doesn't care about white people.

Ronda Evansco-Brooks
Ronda Evansco-Brooks

He thinks he's high and mighty....We need to stop that pedestal before it gets too high.

Bill Stallmann
Bill Stallmann

who cares really. He opened for U-2 at a show at Scott Trade and sucked.

Josh Tidwell
Josh Tidwell

Lmao I'd love that atleast you'd cover something better then this lol

Lynn Pevey
Lynn Pevey

Probably cuz nobody wanted to see him put Jesus look-a-likes up on stage during his shitty performance. (y)

Korian Woods
Korian Woods

This makes me sad. I will be goinb to a Kanye concert on of these days

Joshua Rodgers
Joshua Rodgers

And the crime rate is wrong because of "blurred lines" . The city numbers is all they count not including Co. So, if they did the math on the actual population of city and Co, we're like number 125.sorry guys, the Lou ain't that rough!

Mark Bland
Mark Bland

Make sure it's a blog though or they will refuse to accept the literary content. Everything else is too commercialized.

Joshua Rodgers
Joshua Rodgers

Cuz nobody fuckin cares about kanye!to hell with Kim too .... his music is crap and her ass is fake. I think St Louis would rather spend its money on Cheetos than see that lame ass show

Mark Bland
Mark Bland

Hipsters don't care RFT. Write another blog about why STL'ians are right and great and everyone else sucks.... Then they'll care.

Tony Guess
Tony Guess

....was someone was actually PAID to write about this? I'm in the wrong profession.

Josh Tidwell
Josh Tidwell

he seen the crime rate and realized how weak he is lol

Lanie Dattilo
Lanie Dattilo

Kanye is a snobby moron who thinks he is better than everyone else, no great loss.

Ray Thomas
Ray Thomas

maybe it was because of the 50 tickets they sold

scott19674
scott19674 topcommenter

You're the living proof. You listen to that midget yell about stuff over an electronic break-beat.  Also you can shove your straw-man bands up your cooter, too, because they are even worse.

Chris1367
Chris1367

Umm who cares about that frikkin head case! Just because he cancelled here don't mean a damn thing... Plenty of other good concerts coming here...Drake is coming later this month and in my opinion is more popular and level headed than Kanye and his ridiculous ego!

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