Eminem's "The Monster," Featuring Rihanna: Why This Song Sucks

Categories: Serrano Time

I'm beginning to lose sleep
One sheep, two sheep

Someone heard Eminem rap this line in a studio session and was like: "Yep, that's the one. I was a little leery when you dropped the 'one sheep' on them, but when you followed that up with 'two sheep,' that's when I was certain you were a goddamn genius, Em!"

Call me crazy, but I have this vision one day that I'll walk amongst you a civilian

Nah, bro. Not that crazy. You're already rapping like one. OOOOOHHHHHHH BURN.

I miss when Eminem was the dopest. He's probably gone downhill because he was in that Adam Sandler movie. Adam Sandler movies are always fucking shit up.

Yodel-odel-ay-hee-hoo!

He yodeled. Just like Tupac used to.

Maybe I need a straight jacket; face facts
I am nuts for real, but I'm OK with that

Dude, you're not nuts. You're famous. It's not that bad. Sorry all of your money doesn't fit inside your solid diamond wallet.

Oh, and here's how I feel about Rihanna on the hook.

Conclusions:

(I) Someone.
(II) Please.
(III) Save.
(IV) Eminem.

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36 comments
Tuyen Hua
Tuyen Hua

It's one thing to have an opinion but another to sound like a complete idiot making it... Please review music when you actually know what you are talking about or better yet, don't.

Sally Olson
Sally Olson

I don't care about the song, I'm just baffled by what RFT posts here sometimes. Your featured articles are so shallow and lack substance. I feel like I'm reading a high school newsletter.

Frank Corona
Frank Corona

After "reading" two RFT articles in one day. I am inspired to become a writer. I have written grocery lists that are more interesting and cohesive. Though, I am in full agreement that Vanilla Ice 2 and whoever that other person is, are hacks of the highest order.

Jenny Sandifer
Jenny Sandifer

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this song sucks because it is, in fact, a song by Eminem and Rihanna.

Alyssa Jones
Alyssa Jones

Stop trying to make this column happen. It's not going to happen.

Steve Horak
Steve Horak

That was the worst article I have read in awhile.

Josiah Rosen
Josiah Rosen

Of all the horrific songs from the past few years ... Really? Eminem is one of the last remaining artists in any genre. This is a great example of why St. Louis will never be a music city. Please hire a real music journalist.

David Cromdale
David Cromdale

Is that ucktard ever not mad when he be rappin, lol?!!!

Ryan Masters
Ryan Masters

Eminem has sucked for awhile now. His name sells his music.

Audacious Melodious
Audacious Melodious

Also check out The Midwest Vinyl Vixen...Vinyl Bitchie music is available all over online and in Vintage Vinyl

Bridget Aholt Blair
Bridget Aholt Blair

Lol, Jamie!!! I think you completely baffled folks with the use of misogyny. Love it!

Jamie Van
Jamie Van

Yeah, young women love misogyny.

Jamie Van
Jamie Van

I'm not gonna read it, but am I wrong in assuming it sucks because it's Eminem?

Jeff Duerst
Jeff Duerst

Has the critic who wrote this heard the rest of the album? Or his last album? Turn off the radio, and critique a song that wasn't meant for the political correctness of today's airwaves. Younger women (radios major demographic) love that kinda stuff. Now if ya wanna dog on Rihanna that's fine and personally I don't really care for that song, but to say em needs saving is bs.

Kristy Meyer
Kristy Meyer

See i knew you guys had some good stuff in there :). thanks for the shares!

Brittani Bethmann
Brittani Bethmann

Second time RFT has pissed me off in a week lol but i still love u

Tony Bologna
Tony Bologna

If you like pop rock stuff Kristy you should check out Last Nights Vice. Totally super stuff, check out the track Perfect Little Noise or Dance While You Still Have Time. They're both on spotify. :)

Kari Collins McCormick
Kari Collins McCormick

Everyone likes what they like - it's kind of a waste of time to say that any song sucks, because millions of people will likely disagree.

Jim Wood
Jim Wood

Anything not local that I can listen to?

Kristy Meyer
Kristy Meyer

I'd like to request that you stop telling me what tunes suck, and start telling me the ones that are awesome.

Jesda Ulati
Jesda Ulati

The Rihanna half is the worst half of this shit sandwich.

Christian Knobloch
Christian Knobloch

And this is different from every other Eminem song because . . .

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