Six Things You Learn From Being Addicted to Metal

Categories: Metal, Nitpick Six

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Robert Bejil, Flickr
Most people regard metal music as an anti-intellectual, chest-beating, noisy fit for cavemen. Despite this being 100 percent true, there are a few positive things that result from having an intense dedication toward one of the most juvenile forms of music out there. While listening to metal may still sentence you to a life in your parents' basement, at least you'll have learned a few things on the way to sleeping on a pile of empty potato chip bags. Here are six things you learn from being addicted to metal.

6. Criminal History

Can't remember who the Vampire of Dusseldorf was or what H. H. Holmes was known for? Luckily, metal has you covered. As the most infamous purveyors of morbid criminal history, Chicago's Macabre have been writing about real-life monsters ever since their debut record in 1987. The band has even written an entire concept album chronicling the life of Jeffrey Dahmer (fittingly entitled Dahmer), from his childhood to the eventual decision to burn the deceased Milwaukee murderer's brain.

But the education doesn't stop there. Japan's Church of Misery has also devoted its entire doomy discography to writing about serial killers, while the appropriately named Canadian band Dahmer takes a faster, more grind approach to the same niche.

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Cory Doctorow

5. Foreign Languages

An oddly memorable thing about metal is the amount of useless but impressive foreign language you learn. Any true metalhead can tell you the words for "cold," "darkness," "black," "death" and "grim" in a variety of European languages. Extremely helpful if you find yourself lost in the Swedish city of Örebro and need to find a dungeon or the most supremely evil bathroom.

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5 comments
James Harris
James Harris

Google the Helvete journal or the Hideous Gnosis symposium for what metal can really teach.

Bridget Aholt Blair
Bridget Aholt Blair

I dig RFT blogs MOST of the time. This one is the exact opposite of why I read these blogs. Furthest from the truth, ever. 90% of the bands mentioned are not "metal" they're knock off "scream wannabes".

Rip DiGiorno
Rip DiGiorno

Most juvenile music? Have you ever heard of hip hop before?

Nicholas Sperandeo
Nicholas Sperandeo

CIA black site torture chambers used heavy metal as a weapon against iraqi militants to break their psyche

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