Six Ways to Ruin Everyone's Lives with Karaoke

Categories: Nitpick Six

2. Sing Any Song Over 7 Minutes That Isn't "Bat Out of Hell" by Meatloaf

Certainly the most powerful weapon in your arsenal of being a dickhead is to play into the one thing that we as humans are all afraid of -- running out of time. If you ever wanted to take your Guitar Hero skills to the next level and sing Metallica's "One," what better place to do it than in a room full of impatient drunken strangers? Is there a way you can perhaps sing the fret-board-tapping solo for us as well?

Do not ever put on a lengthy tune unless you are prepared to do a flawless version of Meatloaf's "Bat Out of Hell." The only other exception, perhaps, can be made for the most beautiful and mesmerizing song ever written, "McArthur Park" by Richard Harris.

1. Mangle Journey's "Don't Stop Believing"

No, you can't sing it as well as Steve Perry, and you certainly can't sing it was well as Arnel Pineda, the Filipino dude who replaced him. The song sucks when Journey does it, and the song sucks even more when you do it. Having rhinestones on your jeans does not make you a rock icon. Now get the hell out of here so I can sing something the people really want: a cover of Bush's "Glycerine."

Follow Drew Ailes on Twitter at @CountBakula.

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61 comments
Geneva Sue Young
Geneva Sue Young

Harsh article. What happened to having fun? Remind me not to sing where you go. And I'm pretty sure Sweet Caroline (while I do not sing it) is a crowd favorite. Otherwise, why would the whole bar sing along?

Cat Skyfire
Cat Skyfire

Karaoke is like AA..."Hi, my name is Cat...and I'm going to sing a song." Afterwards, applause regardless. Karaoke is about having fun. You wait through the bad ones, enjoy the good ones, and leave it at that.

Amanda Cunningham
Amanda Cunningham

Freebird. Bohemian Rhapsody. Anything by Mariah, Whitney, Xtina...I'll stop here. My list is rather voluminous.

Heather Girone
Heather Girone

speaking on behalf of all the karaoke hosts around town, hands down The Song to NOT sing: PICTURE!

Kurt Wise
Kurt Wise

"Fat Bottomed Girls" chunky girls think it is cute to sing about a child molesting nanny.

Jen Nahlik
Jen Nahlik

An RFT blogger trashing One Direction -- So brave!

Casey Hahn
Casey Hahn

Emily Michelle, this made me laugh.

Kayleigh Vogelgesang
Kayleigh Vogelgesang

I'm beginning to think Drew Ailes is the most miserable SOB on the face of the planet...

Barry Bean
Barry Bean

I'm an orthodox musician and have long recognized that karaoke is a bad thing that kills jobs, encourages mediocrity, and is likely carcinogenic. Nothing moves me out of a bar or party quicker than the presence of karaoke!

Mike Moreno
Mike Moreno

gotten into a couple of fights like that, this seems to be a problem with guys in softball leagues.

Mike Moreno
Mike Moreno

Songs that should be banned, Love Shack, Picture, Don't Stop Believin (yeah that's quite enough), anything enjoyed by the teen set, especially if the bar is full of thirtysomethings, Tool (the songs are 7 minutes plus, unmelodic, and only enjoyed by guys who wear all black and play Warcraft), and for fuck's sake if you're a regular at a place, mix it up a bit, don't sing the same songs EVERY TIME YOU GO.

Alex Ramatowski
Alex Ramatowski

Or there's the ones that run around in the crowd acting like they are really a super star

Alex Ramatowski
Alex Ramatowski

Even worse is doing the same songs you ruin every week for two years every week.

wingarri
wingarri

The best way for you to ruin the karaoke experience for everyone is to pretend like it is your own private American Idol audition. We are not there to vote for you to win, we want to drink and sing fun songs.

Kevin Kreitner
Kevin Kreitner

8. Don't upstage and don't be terrible. If you're a semiprofessional singer, get the hell out of the dive bar. If you're absolutely awful, sit back and enjoy the show. Leave it to to the in betweeners.

Kevin Kreitner
Kevin Kreitner

7. Don't hop up and grab a mic just cause you think it would be fun to sing my song, too. Sit down.

John Zimmermann
John Zimmermann

My favorite is the guy who shows up to the bar (aka his gig), and drinks a water. He can't wait to rock everyone's socks off.

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