36 New Year's Resolutions for an Awful Music Journalist

Categories: Nitpick Six

25. Remind people of the amazing Nickelback parody video seen above more often
26. Stop wishing every member of Def Leppard lost all of their arms whenever "Pour Some Sugar On Me" comes on
27. Stop thinking of people who walk into coffee shops holding acoustic guitars in the same way as a right-wing Christian thinks of an Arab man boarding an airplane
28. Convince more people that I believe The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a book about getting free socks and lunchmeat trays from being in the Wallflowers
29. Get facial tattoos to resemble Dave Navarro's facial hair

Press Photo
My girlfriend would like that one too. Probably.

30. Petition companies to stop testing on animals and start testing on Dave Navarro
31. Become a bartender and mistake the term "hair of the dog" with "Temple of the Dog" over and over again
32. Petition Black Sabbath to redo an entire record with Gilbert Gottfried on vocals
33. Quit calling her Carly Rae Jetson just to piss off my friend's little sister
34. Figure out what the best Unblack Metal bands are
35. Carry a boombox that only plays Killed By Death by Motorhead
36. Write more lists, forever


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Um… I do believe Mumford and Sons is an insurance agency in Duluth.


"Never find Kreayshawn attractive again" seems more than a little sexist and just kind of shitty of you to put out there. 

Sex appeal is a big part of popular music, but it's not the only part -- I haven't ever heard a Kreayshawn song before, but just making a flippant, dismissive comment solely on her looks? At best, it sells her musical output short and at worst makes the writer come off like a dude-bro drinking beers around a bon fire; either scenario should result in a massive, reflexive "Fuck You" from the reader and an immediate exit back to Facebook. 


@What pretty sure her musical output sells her musical output short. if you'd like, i can write more than a flippant dismissive comment solely on her music.

i dont think feeling ashamed of being attracted to someone who sucks is a gender specific thing. 

then again, i'm going to triumphantly smash a can of Busch Lite on my head after i'm done writing this comment - because that's what males who make statements about being attracted to people always do.


@andrewrobertailes  Sure. Comment on her music. Ostensibly that's why people read music blogs. 

Why didn't you just write a list called "Ten Female Musicians I Thought Were Attractive But Don't Anymore"? Because you've already got your first one.

Just own it that you come off as a bit sexist and get back to writing about metal bands.

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