Some Joker Calling Himself "Chim Richards" Has Been Messing with Us

SUBMITTOR'S NAME:
chim-chim

EVENT:
The Vanfire of the Bonities

DATE:
2014-1-31

TIME:
sundown

COST:
1 (one) van

VENUE NAME:
Vervel's Vans and Steak Knife Depot

VENUE ADDRESS:
6358 Delmar Boolevard 63130

CONTACT NAME:
Why, Vervel of course

DESCRIPTION:
AVAST!
I, Chim X. Richards, will psionically assault the coward Vervel using my enormous mental prowess. When I am through with him he shall be a gibbering husk, 370 lbs of man-shaped pudding good only for mockery and perhaps fingerblasting.
Vervel knows what he has done.
No more shall that shiftless peddler of cheap cutlery and shoddy vans take advantage of the good people of this city. His reign of inadequacy comes to an end soon, and I shall be the agent of his wreckage.
Mark me, I shall not lay hand nor foot 'pon his quivering bulk. His destruction shall be achieved through mindwipes, brain blasts and the dreaded ego whip. Of course, this is overkill; Vervel is a moron as well as a coward, and his brain (although I hesitate to call the grey mass of bubble gum in his pointed head "a brain") will leak out his ears and onto his sloped shoulders.
This I promise; this I shall achieve.

CATEGORY/GENRE:
Ritual
-------------------

SUBMITTOR'S NAME:
CRichards

EVENT:
Den endelige daggry

DATE:
24-12-13

TIME:
Det kommer av skumring

COST:
Hva er prisen på sverd?

VENUE NAME:
Torshavn

VENUE ADDRESS:
6358 Delmar Bd 63130

CONTACT NAME:
Egil Skallagrim

DESCRIPTION:
Hemmeligheten av hva sover bak dødsfallet. Kunnskapen om den tapte. Den svarte lys av plassene under stjernene. Vinden som blåser innover. Øyeblikket før øksen faller. Adskillelse av kjøtt og bein. Tapet og forbannelse ærbødighet. Majestet nederlag når det er total. The Sunde av denne verden fra Yggdrasil. Slutten av alt redde strid.

CATEGORY/GENRE:
intetsigende kamper

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18 comments
Kayleigh Vogelgesang
Kayleigh Vogelgesang

That was the mist beautiful thing I have ever read. Bless you, Chim Richards.

Samuel W. Mulholland
Samuel W. Mulholland

I love the absolute pessimism of that Norwegian post. How absolutely fucking fantastic.

Laura Cox
Laura Cox

Um...Milton McDaniel...are you Chim Richards ?!

Richard Kyles
Richard Kyles

Denmark Laine , Sir have you been having a bit of fun?

David Lee Smithson
David Lee Smithson

This "Chum" and his surname Richards derives from the same ilk of loitering foul mouths, and bar room tricksters. Those same that scratch ceaselessly at their groins soothing the V disease their fathers bestowed on them. A harbinger of masturbation and leaking phallus, this traitor of Wizards will meet his disheveled corpse face to bod when his melon sized head is loped off. If Chim "Chum" Dicks is spotted, please report to the Hall of Wizing for The Wiz, in downtown Atlantis, 30 leagues under the sea due North West by West North. Sincerely Put Out, Earl Erroneous, First Class Dr.

mattstuttler
mattstuttler

Mindwipes, Brain Blast, and Dreaded Ego Whip. All awesome band names. 

Person
Person

My vote for the mystery writer goes to... your very own Paul Friswold! Yes, he may currently be banished to the journalistic Siberia of theater review, but only the P-Frizz could (and would) write stuff this awesome.


Now contrast his writing to the insufferable, millennial pop culture clickbait of Drew Ailes and you'll be convinced the Arch is a giant frown.


So rock on, Pope John Paul the Friswold. Even though you'd probably never, ever, EVER in a million years admit to doing this, you are loved that much more for it.

Pwnzorrz
Pwnzorrz

<3  Hire Him. Immediately.

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