Some Joker Calling Himself "Chim Richards" Has Been Messing with Us

SUBMITTOR'S NAME:
Mihc Sdrahcir

EVENT:
Zounds!

DATE:
12-24-2013

TIME:
the dinner hour

COST:
interest only, no hard currency

VENUE NAME:
Skies of this World and the Next

VENUE ADDRESS:
9000004 Cloud Tops

CONTACT NAME:
The Necromancer S'Claus

DESCRIPTION:
Children of the five elements, this world is doomed. An age undreamed of by mortal man is dawning, and in the afterbirth there shall be no survivors; only slaves, and the lucky dead.
Hoard your chewing gums and sharpen your toothbrush shanks into weapons, for you will need all your strength and relics to undo this great happening. Aroo! Aroo! The goat bellows his hoary clarion of victory, but know this: One who is not of you still fights on your side. When the darkness is succulent with foulness, I shall emerge from my sanctuary to wage war once again.

But I need some beer, so have that waiting. Something dark, preferably foreign.

CATEGORY/GENRE:
Mysterious Occurance

-------------

SUBMITTOR'S NAME:
Chim Richards

EVENT:
Fancy Cake Party

DATE:
12-12-2013

TIME:
Let's say 6-ish

COST:
One human finger

VENUE NAME:
Break Room

VENUE ADDRESS:
6358 Delmar Boolevard

CONTACT NAME:
Mrs. Chim Richards, Jr.

DESCRIPTION:
We journey to a dark place. There is the unmistakable scent of evil, and perhaps some raven effigies, cut from the clothes of lost children. In this place we discover a cake, forlorn and abandoned by its uncaring baker. It smells of liverwurst, and not the fresh stuff.
We cut this cake and discover a myriad of jubilant smaller cakes nestled inside the loathsome husk. These smaller cakes gleam with a fondant that was piped by the Celestial Confectioner, who makes no mistakes; even the rosettes are shimmering with serene majesty.
All of these smaller cakes are yours for the taking.

CATEGORY/GENRE:
Fancy Cake Party

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18 comments
Kayleigh Vogelgesang
Kayleigh Vogelgesang

That was the mist beautiful thing I have ever read. Bless you, Chim Richards.

Samuel W. Mulholland
Samuel W. Mulholland

I love the absolute pessimism of that Norwegian post. How absolutely fucking fantastic.

Laura Cox
Laura Cox

Um...Milton McDaniel...are you Chim Richards ?!

Richard Kyles
Richard Kyles

Denmark Laine , Sir have you been having a bit of fun?

David Lee Smithson
David Lee Smithson

This "Chum" and his surname Richards derives from the same ilk of loitering foul mouths, and bar room tricksters. Those same that scratch ceaselessly at their groins soothing the V disease their fathers bestowed on them. A harbinger of masturbation and leaking phallus, this traitor of Wizards will meet his disheveled corpse face to bod when his melon sized head is loped off. If Chim "Chum" Dicks is spotted, please report to the Hall of Wizing for The Wiz, in downtown Atlantis, 30 leagues under the sea due North West by West North. Sincerely Put Out, Earl Erroneous, First Class Dr.

mattstuttler
mattstuttler

Mindwipes, Brain Blast, and Dreaded Ego Whip. All awesome band names. 

Person
Person

My vote for the mystery writer goes to... your very own Paul Friswold! Yes, he may currently be banished to the journalistic Siberia of theater review, but only the P-Frizz could (and would) write stuff this awesome.


Now contrast his writing to the insufferable, millennial pop culture clickbait of Drew Ailes and you'll be convinced the Arch is a giant frown.


So rock on, Pope John Paul the Friswold. Even though you'd probably never, ever, EVER in a million years admit to doing this, you are loved that much more for it.

Pwnzorrz
Pwnzorrz

<3  Hire Him. Immediately.

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