Six Awful Songs with Amazing Intros

Categories: Nitpick Six

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Red Hot Chili Peppers, definitely appearing on this list.
Some people just know how to hook you, right? Say you're browsing an online dating profile and someone catches your eye. Witty one-liners, cute smirks, maybe something cryptic like a tattoo of Josef Stalin eating a hot dog. Their linked Tumblr page shows they have an active interest in occult medicine and deep-sea creatures. Whatever weird, dumb thing you're into on the Internet, they've got it. They've seemingly got the total package.

So you go and meet them at your favorite gastropub, and as you're sipping a glass of some crap with fernet in it, it dawns on you: This person doesn't seem that cool. How can this be? How could you have been snowed so easily based on a first impression?

It's the same, sometimes, with music. The following songs all have brilliant introductions but quickly go on to suck out loud. Listen and wince as the pangs of regret throb in your ears.

6. Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Under the Bridge"

The Red Hot Chili Peppers, who should've been forgotten and filed away as a Big Boys rip-off in their early years, managed to spawn one gem in their entire catalog of terribleness: the first 28 seconds of this song. Then, the appearance of Anthony Kiedis' hairless body marks the end of one of the most beautiful introductions in modern music and the beginning of one of the most horrendous, boring, saccharine songs ever written, re-enforcing the fact that Generation X is comprised of clueless twits.

If "Under the Bridge" was a one-night stand, you would never call it back after it obsessively texted you to retrieve the poetry "accidentally" left under your bed. Curiously, all of the produce in your refrigerator would start growing soul patches.

5. Arctic Monkeys - "A Certain Romance"

The more I write, the less I read the comments on my articles. And although it's probably a mistake to admit this, I'll say I was affected by two of them. The first was on my article about bigoted musicians where it was theorized that I was an apologist relative of legendary Fox News dickhead,Roger Ailes (sorry, no relation). The second comment stated that I was obviously a huge fan of Arctic Monkeys. To be certain the latter was dead wrong, I listened to them. And it was bad. The good thing that came out of it, however, was that I was inspired to compile this list.

If you clicked the link, then you've noticed the song completely pukes all over itself right as things start to get hot and heavy. However, like me, you were probably fooled into giving it a chance by the alluring pound of the drums and repetitive guitar as it builds to a loud, dirty riff.

If you think this is an isolated incident, think again. Arctic Monkeys nose-dive into a pit of steaming garbage over and over again. The cringe-worthily titled "I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor" and "The View From the Afternoon" also both begin with decent, striking intros before deteriorating into watered-down, flimsy tripe. Pathetic.

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87 comments
inspain
inspain

Oh cool, an angry hipster that gets paid to write articles about how music that isn't really bad at all "sucks" because too many people like it for it to be "cool". Real original. Go listen to an obscure punk album on 8-track on your way to a free-trade coffee shop.

Joe DalekAwsum Willis
Joe DalekAwsum Willis

I'm beginning to think this writer just hates music and keeps a closed mind about it

Ryan Schmid
Ryan Schmid

Hell's Bells is no question number 1. As soon as the singing starts, it sucks.

Twmoui Guess
Twmoui Guess

Eye of the tiger should've been on this list

Daniel Sexauer
Daniel Sexauer

Hating on RHCP...real quality writer ya got there RFT

John Lupia
John Lupia

This writer enjoys bath salts and crying.

Craig Richason
Craig Richason

"Black Betty" by Ram Jam starts off kick ass and then completely falls apart as a forgettable mess

Eddie_Effects
Eddie_Effects

I always thought "Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum had a really bad ass intro guitar chord that is ruined and really disappoints once the lyrics start.

Jake Parsons
Jake Parsons

"Crazy Train" cannot be on the list simply because of the solo.....Ozzy didn't help the song, but Randy made it immortal for the intro and solo alone

Justin Curia
Justin Curia

who's ready to see some grown men get rly defensive over rhcp

Chris Mcnabb
Chris Mcnabb

The chili peppers only have one good piece of a song in their entire catalogue? This guy sucks. I'd love to hear what his musical tastes include

David J. McCutcheon
David J. McCutcheon

You should probably just put "Top 10 reasons [insert the thing you love most here] is garbage and you're a terrible person for liking it" as the headline/strapline for all of your articles.

Amanda Lynne
Amanda Lynne

I'd also like to add that I strongly disagree with Sweet Child o' Mine and Under the Bridge -- that song is life-changing, and as far as GNR goes, you can't help but groove when you hear that shit.

Jessica Hampton
Jessica Hampton

I thought you were going to put "All Around the World" for Red Hot Chili Peppers. Intro is awesome. Rest of it's pretty goofy but fun and catchy.

Tim Holley
Tim Holley

That's like saying Justin Bieber did more for music in his career than Queen did for the entire genre of rock music

Tim Holley
Tim Holley

Please just do everyone a favor and put your head up your ass as far as you can so you can hear yourself become full of shit

Heather Johnson
Heather Johnson

Ahhhhh, under the bridge and sweet child of mine should not be on this list.... Ridiculous haters!

dawson.sean73
dawson.sean73

Sweet child of mine...you've got to be kidding.  That awesome intro is followed by an even greater solo, one of the best ever, IMO.  Yeah, the rest of the song is not the best, but it's only there as a vehicle for the intro and solo.  The chord progression under the solo is excellent, and overall it fits well with that wacky intro.  You are smoking crack.  

Matt Fischer
Matt Fischer

Yes, Owner of A Lonely Heart is a classic example of how to go from amazing to sucks in 10 seconds....

Jeff Ray
Jeff Ray

Umm,....RHCP are NOT GenXers. They were born at the tail end of the Boomer generation. 1966 was the beginning of Gen X. They just THINK they're Gen X. The person who wrote that article should be FIRED!

Eammon Azizi
Eammon Azizi

This should make the "Top 6 RFT Music Articles That Are Full Of Shit" list.

Jerome Lester Horwitz
Jerome Lester Horwitz

I skipped the article and went right to the comments cause I knew they'd be hilarious. GET UPSET DORKS.

Chad Kitchen
Chad Kitchen

“Under the Bridge" isn't the best song ever, but trying to discredit the Peppers' entire body of work is a big turn-off.

Courtny Munger
Courtny Munger

Whoa...someone has a vendetta against the chili peppers!

Jorge Rodriguez Rodriguez Ruxin
Jorge Rodriguez Rodriguez Ruxin

Your opinion means nothing to anyone ryan paluczak...I didn't bother to capitalize your name cause it's not worth the extra half a second to hit the upper case button. You may go now.

Kevin K Neumann
Kevin K Neumann

This is just random and an awful negative approach to music.

Ryan Paluczak
Ryan Paluczak

Oh no, someone doesn't listen to shitty 80's metal or 90's alternative, what a fucking hipster. Many one who gets offended by a fucking article written by the RFT about music really needs to take a look at their own insecurities. If RHCP GnR etc are so great, then let their music defend them. You aren't their knight in shining armor. Good god, grow the fuck up. I'll say hipster again for good measure. Because if someone is into something that you aren't, they must be part of some trendy hip bullshit, right? Give me a break.

Sarah Stum
Sarah Stum

RFT is lame. I used to like reading. What happened in the 15 years I have been away? Ick

jaco1175
jaco1175 topcommenter

Dude, shut the fuck up, seriously. Just for the record I DO think that all of these songs suck but that doesn't mean that Drew Ailes is not a cunt and that hipsters aren't worthless douchbags.

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