Six Awful Songs with Amazing Intros

Categories: Nitpick Six

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Red Hot Chili Peppers, definitely appearing on this list.
Some people just know how to hook you, right? Say you're browsing an online dating profile and someone catches your eye. Witty one-liners, cute smirks, maybe something cryptic like a tattoo of Josef Stalin eating a hot dog. Their linked Tumblr page shows they have an active interest in occult medicine and deep-sea creatures. Whatever weird, dumb thing you're into on the Internet, they've got it. They've seemingly got the total package.

So you go and meet them at your favorite gastropub, and as you're sipping a glass of some crap with fernet in it, it dawns on you: This person doesn't seem that cool. How can this be? How could you have been snowed so easily based on a first impression?

It's the same, sometimes, with music. The following songs all have brilliant introductions but quickly go on to suck out loud. Listen and wince as the pangs of regret throb in your ears.

6. Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Under the Bridge"

The Red Hot Chili Peppers, who should've been forgotten and filed away as a Big Boys rip-off in their early years, managed to spawn one gem in their entire catalog of terribleness: the first 28 seconds of this song. Then, the appearance of Anthony Kiedis' hairless body marks the end of one of the most beautiful introductions in modern music and the beginning of one of the most horrendous, boring, saccharine songs ever written, re-enforcing the fact that Generation X is comprised of clueless twits.

If "Under the Bridge" was a one-night stand, you would never call it back after it obsessively texted you to retrieve the poetry "accidentally" left under your bed. Curiously, all of the produce in your refrigerator would start growing soul patches.

5. Arctic Monkeys - "A Certain Romance"

The more I write, the less I read the comments on my articles. And although it's probably a mistake to admit this, I'll say I was affected by two of them. The first was on my article about bigoted musicians where it was theorized that I was an apologist relative of legendary Fox News dickhead,Roger Ailes (sorry, no relation). The second comment stated that I was obviously a huge fan of Arctic Monkeys. To be certain the latter was dead wrong, I listened to them. And it was bad. The good thing that came out of it, however, was that I was inspired to compile this list.

If you clicked the link, then you've noticed the song completely pukes all over itself right as things start to get hot and heavy. However, like me, you were probably fooled into giving it a chance by the alluring pound of the drums and repetitive guitar as it builds to a loud, dirty riff.

If you think this is an isolated incident, think again. Arctic Monkeys nose-dive into a pit of steaming garbage over and over again. The cringe-worthily titled "I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor" and "The View From the Afternoon" also both begin with decent, striking intros before deteriorating into watered-down, flimsy tripe. Pathetic.


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122 comments
Robin Gray
Robin Gray

My favorite song ever! I agree, fuck off!

Mark Bland
Mark Bland

If you have nothing nice to say....

Ryan Heuiser
Ryan Heuiser

Yeah, I won't stand for RHCP being classified as such. Eat some magnets, RFT, and get your shit together.

Erin Bell
Erin Bell

This article was garbage a year ago and it's garbage now. RFT is worse than Yahoo! News at this point

Frankie Z Cammarata
Frankie Z Cammarata

John Frusciante is a God.... So was Hillel. If this Author cant find 1 song from the RHCP catalog that grabs them by the musical balls... Maybe they have none, And should write about fashion... Maybe be a food or movie critic

Sean Bryant
Sean Bryant

Under the Bridge might be a shitty video, but the song is a classic. That might be the RHCP's "growing up" song...

Patrick Dillon
Patrick Dillon

any attack on chili popper is attack on ME! this articles stink is of PLOP! a FRAT stain or the music world, barby!

Chad DeVries
Chad DeVries

Franz Ferdinand 'Take me out' should be number 1.

Jon Jon
Jon Jon

Joe and Galen hahahahaha

Josh Revelle
Josh Revelle

John Frusciante is a great guitarist. The intro to "under the bridge" is one of many great songs he wrote. The whole song is great! Flea too

Matthew C Penn
Matthew C Penn

They don't even have a page for The Pageant anymore. I stopped picking them up a while ago. Even being free that was the only good thing in it and now it isn't it is junk.

Courtny Munger
Courtny Munger

Everything is spot on but the Rhcp comment...way wrong on that one!

Dave Anderson
Dave Anderson

Glad to see that all these comments agree with the fact that you suck.....

Brian Johnson
Brian Johnson

This article sucked when it was posted a year ago. And yet it still pisses me off even more now for some reason. Freaking troll.

Patrick Dillon
Patrick Dillon

now theres no need for profanity. earmuffs, kids.

Brycen Timmons
Brycen Timmons

You're either a genius or the dumbest dude alive.

Patrick Dillon
Patrick Dillon

pfft! heileen karter is DIED so NOOO??? thats implossible!

Cab Richardson
Cab Richardson

Where'd all the decent content go RFT? Now you're just hating on people

Annie Griffin
Annie Griffin

This article was so poorly written that if it were a one night stand I'd be ashamed to tell my friends about it.

Brooks Maxwell
Brooks Maxwell

You can have your opinions, but the Devo reasoning simply makes you a troll. RFT should pay us to read this garbage.

Jan Jackson
Jan Jackson

Jeff Buydos, the reason for some is, that maybe, just maybe this is could be the one serious, halfway thoughtful RFT article about music, only to find out that you wasted your time clicking on it. RFT has unforyinately turned into a Millenial freak show.

Jeff Buydos
Jeff Buydos

Watching people get so butt hurt over this is fucking hilarious. Who gives a shit if some dude doesn't like the Red Hot Chili Peppers? Keep writing funny articles Drew.

Patrick Dillon
Patrick Dillon

i Jusr donut beleive the tings inn thiz artical! tony kudman and fleem have mor talant in they're PUEBS then this writer has in its hole in tire FACE!

inspain
inspain

Oh cool, an angry hipster that gets paid to write articles about how music that isn't really bad at all "sucks" because too many people like it for it to be "cool". Real original. Go listen to an obscure punk album on 8-track on your way to a free-trade coffee shop.

Joe DalekAwsum Willis
Joe DalekAwsum Willis

I'm beginning to think this writer just hates music and keeps a closed mind about it

Ryan Schmid
Ryan Schmid

Hell's Bells is no question number 1. As soon as the singing starts, it sucks.

Twmoui Guess
Twmoui Guess

Eye of the tiger should've been on this list

Daniel Sexauer
Daniel Sexauer

Hating on RHCP...real quality writer ya got there RFT

John Lupia
John Lupia

This writer enjoys bath salts and crying.

Craig Richason
Craig Richason

"Black Betty" by Ram Jam starts off kick ass and then completely falls apart as a forgettable mess

Eddie_Effects
Eddie_Effects

I always thought "Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum had a really bad ass intro guitar chord that is ruined and really disappoints once the lyrics start.

Jake Parsons
Jake Parsons

"Crazy Train" cannot be on the list simply because of the solo.....Ozzy didn't help the song, but Randy made it immortal for the intro and solo alone

Justin Curia
Justin Curia

who's ready to see some grown men get rly defensive over rhcp

Chris Mcnabb
Chris Mcnabb

The chili peppers only have one good piece of a song in their entire catalogue? This guy sucks. I'd love to hear what his musical tastes include

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