Six Vehicles Justin Bieber Should Be Driving Instead of a Lamborghini

Categories: Nitpick Six

Beib6.jpg
Dave Watt

2. The Borg Cube

Kept in the Maturation Chamber for seventeen cycles, the human creature once called Justin Bieber emerges as Bieborus of Borg -- a powerful party android, capable of adopting newer and more sophisticated cute haircuts at a rate of speed unfathomable by flesh-and-blood man. He will add our biological and technological distinctiveness to his own. Any attempts to fire modulated phasers at Bieborus will result in increasingly powerful autotune shields.

Our culture will adapt to service him. We will be assimilated.

See Also: Crotching Whiskey at the Justin Bieber Concert and Getting Thrown Out: A Review

Beib5.jpg
Dave Watt

1. A Unicycle

Because he is a fucking clown. Get it?

Follow Drew Ailes on Twitter at @CountBakula.

RFT MUSIC'S GREATEST HITS

The 15 Most Ridiculous Band Promo Photos Ever
"Where Did My Dick Go?" The Gathering of the Juggalos' Best Overheard Quotations
I Pissed Off Megadeth This Week, My (Former) Favorite Band
The Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender at a Music Venue



My Voice Nation Help

Now Trending

St. Louis Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...