20 Signs You Spend Too Much Time in the Loop

Categories: LOLZ

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Paul Sableman
Loop-dwellers have a different skill-set than regular visitors to other parts of the city. Their brains are wired differently now, with random thoughts and tidbits of information that could only come from too much time spent on the bustling stretch between the Church of Scientology and the Pageant.

How do we know? Well, RFT Headquarters is nestled on Delmar as well; right in the thick of it. We are living it, baby. Here are twenty signs you spend too much time in the Loop (like us).

1. You have a mental map of the flute busker's location, and plan your route to lunch accordingly.

2. The mere sight of a crosswalk gives you symptoms of PTSD -- memories of near-misses and close calls still keep you up at night.

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mrhayata
Crosswalk etiquette in the Loop dictates that this man will soon be flattened by that car, which will neither stop, slow down or even recognize what those lines in the road mean.

3. Drunky McToots (the guy who mouth-rapes that trumpet in fifteen-second bursts) has stopped "playing" for you when you walk by.

4. If you need a cop, you know to go to Smoothie King.

5. Having learned a painful lesson once, you no longer step on the stars after rain or snow.

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Lori
Seriously, what did they make these things out of? Motor oil and banana peels?

6. Speaking of the stars, you spend too much time thinking about John Goodman's illustrious film career -- and his brief but explosive role on Treme -- because you walk past his every day.

7. Oh, and also you reflexively tell the "You know what Susan Blow invented?" joke to tourists who stop at her star.

8. You've purposely foiled the Wash U kids' "Explore the Loop" scavenger hunt, because fuck those little shits; I'm only making minimum wage.

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45 comments
deepwithfuture
deepwithfuture

Really? Mouth rape a trumpet? That's really horrible and insensitive.

Eric Wright
Eric Wright

When you wake up with bullet holes in you.... You know you are spending too much time in the loop.

Kaity Shea
Kaity Shea

Hey, that Scavenger Hunt is an integral part of the WashU experience. Be kind to freshmen. Three weeks into the semester they won't know what hit them.

Eric Brands
Eric Brands

A button that deploys spike strips as you cross would be more efficient!! Then again the gangsters would then just slide though without tires. :-)

Justin Poole
Justin Poole

Hipsters hang out on Cherokee and Grand. Not the loop.

Jason C. Barger
Jason C. Barger

wow, that sucks so much, and I understand why you would stay away. but I've never had any problems.

Leland Avants II
Leland Avants II

My partner and I were stabbed in the city. I fought off 5 guys. I don't need courage, I needed a gun.

Leland Avants II
Leland Avants II

I'd prefer not to be stabbed and mugged, I stay away from the Loop.

St. Louis Anonymous
St. Louis Anonymous

When you look at the Tivoli sign and consider if it were upside down, the shape it creates and it says "Ilovit"

Aleta Joellen
Aleta Joellen

How can you talk about the Loop and not mention Mike?

Nicholas Sperandeo
Nicholas Sperandeo

21. You've been desensitized to the sound of gun shots and often shrug it off as fireworks in the city

Eric Seelig
Eric Seelig

I've come to the Loop since I was a little kid, I'm 29 now, and the stuff about Vintage Vinyl's annex and the location of Brennan's both utterly confound me. Anyone care to explain? And yes, I still have a torch for both Smith Hardware and Paul's Books (I've still got my bookmark).

Heather Woodside
Heather Woodside

Hey, I used to live there. Hard not to spend too much time there. lol!

Patrick Shaw
Patrick Shaw

Yes. You're another ass hole that works at one of his shitty bars. Dude, you work at Blueberry Hill, nothing to brag about.

Jess R-hart
Jess R-hart

Theres that one bum that asks for $$ and sometimes he has 11 kids, sometimes 15!!

roubanian
roubanian

"... joke to tourists who stop at her star."


yeah cuz st. louis is a huge tourist destination... f*$% outta here 

Steve Mincer
Steve Mincer

you like that independent mom and pop coffee shop called "Starbucks".

Banyon Hanner
Banyon Hanner

Haven't hung out there since high school when we used to go there to get rave invitations and directions.

Sarah Stallmann
Sarah Stallmann

There should be an add about the bench outside of Ziezo being the most coveted outdoor seat in the Loop. DOn't overstay your welcome on it, or you WILL get mean-mugged.

James Harding
James Harding

Move to Portland, Chris Cassoutt. You'll be in Heaven. Trust me.

Scott Plackemeier
Scott Plackemeier

Of if you remember back in the day when you never dared go east of Church's Chicken

Harrison Elfrink
Harrison Elfrink

I used to go to the loop a lot as a teenage. Now I think a lot of it is overpriced and clothing stores. S. Grand is better.

mryzza
mryzza

What does Mike even do? I've known him since middle school and randomly see him at parties. Still no clue what he does.

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