Prince Blesses The New Girl, Forces Us to Watch This Stupid Show

Categories: LOLZ, Last Night

Zooey, Nick and Prince are sitting awkwardly on a bench, with Prince in the middle playing mediator. The dimwits are explaining "finger guns," and Prince thinks it's appropriately dumb. Nick sadly leaves at Prince's request, and the Purple One asks Z if she likes pancakes. Because of course.

Elsewhere, one of the guys is running from the bouncer and hides his face in Cece's boobs. Do they have some kind of history? Nevermind, I don't care. We go back to the other friends, and everyone is drunk -- especially Nick, who comes over to complain about Prince absconding with his girl. Nick also cockblocks his friends who are macking on models, and now he wants to dance. What the hell is wrong with these people?

Prince and Moonpie Eyes are eating pancakes in the kitchen. She calls Prince stupid as he tries to give advice, and he compassionately forgives her in an absurdly soft voice. How is Zooey not sucking face with him already? Ugh. She does the girl thing where she claims to be very full, but he forces her to finish her pancakes. Now it's time for a Zooey makeover, because Prince has a wardrobe full of women's dresses or something. This and ping-pong and butterfly watching are supposed to loosen her up on the idea of love somehow. And then Prince locks her in a closet. Good.

COMMERCIAL!

TheNewGirl_butterflies.jpg
@NewGirlOnFox | Twitter
Prince and Zooey scoping out butterflies has got to be a hallucination, right?

Prince urges Zooey to find Nick, whispering something in her ear. WHAT IS IT? Come on, this shit isn't Lost in Translation. Whatever, Prince.

Zooey's housemates are smiling with lemon slices in their mouths; this easily is the best thing on the whole stupid show. Zooey floats down the steps in her special, precious Zooey way and finds her boyfriend dancing on the floor like an idiot. He confesses that he's not sorry he said the "L word," and she whispers in her ear. And then she shouts. Because she's Zooey and it's cute, or something? Anyway, she says that she loves him, too. Quelle surprise. They kiss, Nick notices her weird Prince dress, and the Purple One beckons her to the stage. OH GOD, SHE'S SINGING! WITH HER STUPID ZOOEY MOUTH! STOP THE MADNESS! Prince does his new song "Pretzelbodylogic" with her (Or is it "Don't U Wanna Fall In Luv 2nite?" We're getting conflicting accounts.), her friends rush the stage uninvited, and everybody shits on The Purple One's excellence.

After the party, the gang of idiots sits around exhausted, disbelieving that they danced with Prince. They determine that Prince is magic and wonder how they'll live their lives now that they've been in the presence of greatness. But they're missing someone -- Zooey's friend Cece is still back at Prince's house playing ping-pong. With Prince. Because he needs more ping-pong friends.

TheNewGirl_Princewave.jpg
@NewGirlOnFox | Twitter
Even Prince couldn't save this trainwreck.

Cripes. Screw you, The New Girl. This doesn't come close to measuring up to the post-Super Bowl standard that "Friends" had set. This ridiculous Zooey show is exactly what happens when doves cry, only now I'm crying, too. THANKS, PRINCE! THANKS, OBAMA!

RFT MUSIC'S GREATEST HITS

The 15 Most Ridiculous Band Promo Photos Ever
"Where Did My Dick Go?" The Gathering of the Juggalos' Best Overheard Quotations
I Pissed Off Megadeth This Week, My (Former) Favorite Band
The Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender at a Music Venue



My Voice Nation Help
46 comments
AMBabka
AMBabka

@t_fin No way. Even though your daughter is smart & adorable, I still won't hate her for Zooey love. I've got a long history of hate w/ Z.

Kirby Thompson
Kirby Thompson

Erica Kelly this made me think of your post. Lol

Jeff Keniston
Jeff Keniston

You watched it BECAUSE OF Prince?? He would be enough to make me NOT WATCH.

Courtney Rakers
Courtney Rakers

I felt like Prince did a great impression of Fred Armisen's impression of Prince ala SNL's "The Prince Show". The show was hokey as hell and Allison's article was spot on. Let's get moonpie eyes trending.

Brandi Fishman Unger
Brandi Fishman Unger

The show is called New Girl, not The New Girl and it's actually pretty damn funny!

Ben Mansfield
Ben Mansfield

they could have used this timeslot to promote the outstanding show the following.... instead, they wasted the biggest lead in possible on these two sit com crapfests

Victoria Warmaster
Victoria Warmaster

I can't believe this stupid show is still on the air!!! I swear the execs are high as fuck on some really bad drugs. They yank off the good shows and leave junk like this on. How is The New Girl getting high ratings to still be on the air? Someone is manipulating all those Nelson boxes

Jesse Plan
Jesse Plan

...and coming from someone who actually knows Prince, he was totally acting like he normally does in real life...

Daren Cortez
Daren Cortez

Enjoyed the show. Replace your lenses RFT. I don't even watch that show.

Jen Moore
Jen Moore

Loved Prince, the show is average

Danielle Lynn
Danielle Lynn

Even as a New Girl fan, it was a bad episode. Brooklyn Nine-Nine should have followed the game instead.

Darrell Ford
Darrell Ford

If you don't like Zooey, you must be some sorta commie pinko freak. She's the best and that episode last night was very funny...

Tammy Pendino
Tammy Pendino

Didn't care to watch....not into cutesy t.v. Prince can be on an episode of Deadliest Catch ...then I'll watch.

Eric Lowdownderty Shame
Eric Lowdownderty Shame

I loved that. Im going to start watching new girl. Smh I dont know why I didnt watch it before. Lisa Ann Peck is a cutie... js..

downtownstlbiz
downtownstlbiz

@AMBabka You were ahead of the curve in your dislike for Zooey. I am firmly on board now.

Stephen Green
Stephen Green

Prince was cool to watch but I will not be watching the show again

AMBabka
AMBabka

@t_fin Personal, w/ many "Wear glasses & look like Z all the time!" ex-boyfriend stories attached. But the show isn't well written/plotted.

AMBabka
AMBabka

@t_fin Like 'em. Don't think their indvdl songs have been consistent quality, but as a whole they've consistently risen, if that mks snse.

AMBabka
AMBabka

@t_fin @NewGirlonFOX Actually I watched it three times before this episode. I went into it wanting to like it despite Z, but it wasn't there

Now Trending

From the Vault

 

Clubs

St. Louis Event Tickets
Loading...